The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I’ve Ever Had – Part Three

Have you read Part One and Part Two yet? You might want to go back and read those first! 🙂

The last story I seemed to have a hard time with as I didn’t want to re-mention old stories. Like the guy with the silk boxer shorts that waddled towards me whilst pulling on a condom, and almost suffocated me with his huge, tall body on the couch. Or the Prison Warden guy with this knee-high football socks and THAT awkward threesome.

Gosh I really was a slut. Notice the was though – I’m nothing like that now thankfully. My behaviour back then makes me cringe. I’m just glad social media hadn’t been invented at that point.

I think I’m going to have to go with Number 18 for this one. The Prison Guy.

I don’t really know what happened with this guy. He had just gotten out of prison and was honestly, not an attractive creature. I don’t even know how I met him, although I used to hang around with his girlfriend and we worked together for a while, so I can only assume it was that. Honestly though – she wasn’t all that either and she could have done so much better than this guy. He really was a fucking skank.

He was my friend though, and one night we found ourselves alone in his halfway house that I found myself hanging out in for a spell. I was living with my Grandmother and seriously rebelling I think – drinking too much and smoking too much pot. It wasn’t long before we were stripping and when his pants were removed, I literally stopped dead.

He had no penis. Like, I’m not even kidding. He had NO penis. It was smaller than my little finger ERECT and I have really small hands. It was tiny. And it was no bigger in girth either. Perhaps a tad but not much. I remember trying to close my mouth around it at one point and there was nothing to it, it was impossible to blow!

I don’t actually think we can class what we did as real, actual sex. I’m sure it didn’t even go in far enough to warrant calling it sex. Plus he came real quick. Clearly I was the best thing he’d had in his bed for a while.

I’m not proud of that moment, and I don’t admit it to anyone else. Mostly because she announced she was pregnant the next day, and the day after that he was arrested for robbing my Grandmother’s friend who lived up the road in the middle of the night. I remember hiding his stuff and trying to keep a straight face as I lied to the police about knowing his whereabouts but now I kick myself. He would have robbed my Grandmother in a heartbeat. I don’t know why I helped him, or why I classed him as a friend. I definitely have no idea why I got into bed with him. I can only assume I was rebelling to a very serious degree.

That’s what I’m putting it down to anyway.

I always thought I had no regrets in life and that I learned from every sexual experience but that one is a genuine regret. I’m pretty sure they’re still together and have probably had an estate’s worth of children by now. They deserved each other. They were both skanks. I always knew I was better than that. Except at the time, I wasn’t.

So yeah. Those are what I would class to be my three weirdest, strangest, most bizarre sexual experiences ever. Why don’t you carry on and tell me yours? Link to me – I want to read allllllllll about it.

Seriously though. Not proud of these moments of my life. I’m hanging my head in shame right now. All experience I guess…..

The Weirdest Sexual Experiences I've Ever Had

The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I’ve Ever Had – Part Two

You may remember that I wrote a post a couple of days ago – The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I’ve Ever Had? Well…. This is the second part of it! 🙂

The second weirdest sexual experience I’ve had doesn’t involve a garden shed. I was about the same age however, this time I was single. And didn’t I know it.

Bestie and I lived together in this tiny little apartment that we trashed, quite frankly. We had a Halloween party one night and it was quite the talk of the town. We had covered all the walls of the apartment in black garbage bags, and had scattered fake spiders, glow in the dark silly string, and all manner of other halloweeny-themed decorations around.

I was dressed as a sexy vampire with a corset that tucked my boobs right under my chin. I looked good that night with my high platform boots and the fangs that made me look so much naughtier than normal. My main intention that night was to get laid. That’s why I wore that corset. It made my waist look tiny and my tits look massive. There is no other reason to wear a corset. It’s not like they’re a comfortable item of clothing.

However, my main intention was to get laid. What I didn’t expect was quite as many options…

I had invited a number of people to the party, some of which were ex work colleagues. There was Goth Guy – the Marilyn Manson lookalike with a MASSIVE cock. One of my female friends dated him for a while (I slept with her too – oops), and apparently, he had the biggest cock she had ever seen in her life. I didn’t get that far. We had a few nights where we came pretty close but for some reason, the deed was never done. I don’t know why.

Anyway, by the end of the night, he was naked in my bed, waiting for me to join him. The only problem with this is that there was ALSO the cute, curly-haired guy from work chatting me up in the kitchen, and he clearly thought he was in with a chance too. I needed to make my mind up because the end of the night was getting really close. Plus Bestie was getting annoyed. He knew he’d probably end up having to get rid of the ones I didn’t want for the night. Male best friend duties…? (I’d do the same for him, and have done a few times.)

There was one other guy at the party – a guy whose name I can’t remember, but I invited him because he was my ‘back-up guy’. I knew I could have him if it all fell through with everyone else. Well, he thought he was going to be more than my back-up plan and got really clingy and annoying, so I started with a fight with him just so I could get him to leave.

Just as I was making my mind up, right at the end of the night, The Fireman – the guy mentioned in the first weird sex story, knocked on my door. He had been on a night out himself. One minute we were talking by the front door and the next, he was hanging out the back of me, as I was hanging out my bathroom window. Everyone else was still partying away and getting in the last of the booze before the daylight hours hit, and I was getting fucked in my bathroom. The naked guy was still in my bed, and the curly haired guy was still waiting for me in the kitchen… Right next door to the bathroom.

(The fuck was I thinking?)

I could hear Bestie calling me from the living room so I did what I do best – I ran. The Fireman only lived a little way down the road, so without even grabbing my shoes, we waited until there was no longer anyone in the kitchen, bolted down the stairs, and headed for his where we had a night of what always happens when we get between the sheets – AMAZING sex.

Of course, the morning after the night before was a total nightmare. I didn’t even think to grab my purse before I left, and I didn’t grab a pair of shoes either. He didn’t have any cash on him, so at 8am the next morning, I did the walk of shame pure-tramp style, with no shoes on, a halloween corset tucking my tits under my chin, and last night’s horror makeup smeared all around my face.

I can only imagine it was an attractive look…

But yeah, having that many guys literally panting for me in one house was definitely one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had. It’s not one I think I’d like to recreate anytime soon. It still makes me cringe.

I don’t really know what I was thinking back then. I was bullied pretty badly at school so male attention was something that never really came easy for me. That was, of course, until I left school and got my first job where I happened to be surrounded by teenage lads with raging hormones… and I was a pretty little blonde thing who was finding herself sexually. That’s what I blame – finding myself sexually. I guess in reality, I was just a bit of a slut. And why not? Who cares? I used a condom, was sexually smart, and I like to think I learned a few things along the way.

Not that I’m justifying it, of course. I don’t need to justify it to anyone.

So that’s my second weird sex story. The night I was part of an actual mating ritual.

The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I've Ever Had

The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I’ve Ever Had

I read this thing on Facebook on one of those article sites that gets shared a thousand times, and it was all about this one girl’s three weirdest and funniest sexual experiences, and man, were they funny.

My 3 Most Horrible (And Hilarious) Sexual Encounters

I decided to have a go at this myself seeing as we all know how weird and wonderful my sex life has been over the years. I have decided to share with you the three weirdest sexual experiences  I’ve ever had.

Are you ready? Sitting comfortably? Ready to cringe with me?

I had to put some serious thought into this as, I’m going to be honest, I’ve had more bad, nasty, and downright weird sexual occurrences than I would openly like to admit to.

Guy Number 3 on my list was a pretty weird situation, so I’m going to put this one at number three on this list.

It was me, my boyfriend (Number 4 – The Fireman), Number 3, and his girlfriend. We’d been out drinking together until the early hours of the morning, aged around 18/19, and after the pubs were done and we were all good and kicked out, we decided to keep the party going.

On the way home to my guy’s house, someone mentioned a foursome, and the idea kinda picked up speed from there. Fuelled with amounts of booze that a sailor on leave would be proud of, we stormed back to boyfy’s house, only to remember that not only was his entire family home, but he had relatives staying on the living room floor as well.

We were so far gone in our alcohol-fuelled horn-dog states, we would have carried on that particular party anywhere and we did…. In my boyfriend’s garden shed.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like a falling down wreck or anything like that. In fact, it was a relatively new shed and once we were done with it, was quite the romantic get-up with candles, soft music, and plenty more booze. Before I knew it, we were stripping off, and there was a lot of things happening all at once.

My boyfriend was kissing me, and Number 3 was kissing his girlfriend. Then I heard noises that suggested they weren’t just kissing anymore and all of a sudden, we weren’t just kissing anymore either. I don’t remember an awful lot of the night, mostly because of the vast amount of booze we drank but also because it was about a million years ago, but I do remember both of us girls being on my boyfriend’s dick at one point. When it was time for me to enjoy my fill, with all three of the others focusing all of their attention on me, my boyfriend decided he ‘couldn’t do it anymore’. He pulled out the safe word – Eeyore.

Hey, don’t judge – it’s a safe word that works!

We had a massive fight after that night came to an abrupt end, and he accused me of cheating on him which was quite ironic seeing as he got played with and I didn’t, so to speak.

I slept with Number 3 in the end anyway, a while later. In fact, I’m pretty sure he cheated on the same girlfriend with me. They are married now and have had a couple of kids, but I bet he didn’t forget that night in the shed, or the night we had, just us two, that followed.

So, part one done. I realised this post was going to be much longer than anticipated so I’ll do the good thing and break it up for you.

Keep your eyes peeled for part two, and while you’re there – tell me your most embarrassing / weird sex stories. It can’t just be me…

The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I've Ever Had

The Etiquette of Sex

Right, I want to talk about the etiquette of sex. To be more precise, I want to talk about why guys feel the need to climax inside me after just three minutes of rampant bonking, ruining the rest of my night.

Let me set the scene…

It was a few weeks ago, and Someone New and I had been out for dinner and a few cocktails. More than a few, if I’m honest. I was undisputedly pissed. We headed back to his where he did his thing on the couch like he does, and it wasn’t long before we were heading to bed. It was my birthday just two days later, and because I wasn’t going to see him on the actual day, we made Thursday my birthday.

I was expecting some serious birthday sex. I had packed the We Vibe, a very clever little toy that I seem to have great results with. He brought the popping candy, ready to make my vagina tingle later on that night. I straddled him, and gave him his preview ‘dip-in, dip-out’ except it felt good…. So I carried on.

Two and a half minutes later, he apologised. What a fucking prick. He’d only gone and climaxed inside me. Yep, spunked his load right inside me. Great, thanks for that. Now he won’t go down on me. That’s it. He’s going to fall asleep now. He can’t touch me because I’m all gungy. That was my birthday sex? Three minutes of grunting, and thats it? I may have already done my thing (because he’d already preheated my oven on the couch, and I was raring to go before I even touched him) but that’s not the point.

THAT was my birthday sex?!

I got really annoyed by this because I like to think of myself as a VERY considerate lover. I may come across selfish at first but that’s because I’m super shy about my body, and about sex. I never used to be like this, but with the weight loss and awful bowel condition has come a lot of self-esteem issues. I also blame Jock a bit. Why not?

I don’t get to see my boyfriend very often, so when I do, I like to make it a REALLY good time. I put a lot of effort into getting ready after all, it’s only once a week / every couple of weeks. I shave EVERYWHERE. I make sure I’m baby-smooth. I lotion myself up so that I feel good and smell good. I wear nice and pretty makeup that I know he likes. I wear dresses and skirts for him, so that means extra leg-work and fake tan. I paint my toe nails so that they are a different colour or style every time I see him. I like to make sure I’ve had my acrylic nails done, and that my hair looks nice too. It might seem like a lot of hard work but that’s just what I like to do. I have a routine. I look forward to doing it. I put happy music on and smoke a joint as I get ready, excited to see him (at times).

So, when I get there, he’d best have put in some hard work too. He should have manscaped. At the very least, he should have shaved his balls. Someone New doesn’t do this, and I don’t really know how to broach the conversation with him.

“Hey honey, how are you doing today? Any chance you can de-fuzz your balls for the next time I’m around, so I don’t gag on the hairs in my mouth. Otherwise, I won’t be putting them in my mouth at all. Please and thank you!”

You can’t really say that to your boyfriend of six months, can you? I’ve not even farted in front of him yet. Considering I have a bowel issue, I’ve only pooped there twice. Trust me on this, it’s been emotional.

There’s a rule here – the etiquette of sex. If you haven’t seen your beloved for a while, and you’re pretty sure you’re going to cum within three minutes of thrusting into her, you get the blowjob out the way nice and early. If she doesn’t like doing it to you, just request it once. Make sure you haven’t jerked off earlier on that day. You’ll only last three minutes in her mouth because it’s such a rare treat, she won’t get bored or get a sore jaw, you’ll praise her and return the favour, she’ll learn that blowjobs work well to get her what she wants and be more likely to do them again in the future. Seriously, if it only takes three minutes (which it normally does), she won’t mind so much.

I did the blowjob thing and he stopped me! He pulled me on top of him! It was his fault he slid right on inside me, and it was his fault that he came and ruined my birthday sex night. We had toys and treats and it was over in three minutes. Not surprisingly, I turned right on over, with my back to him, and huffed myself to sleep. That’ll teach him. He can sit there and listen to me grumpy.

He made it up to me the next morning, of course. He’s a great guy. There’s still no real connection between us, but I think I am starting to like him a bit more. Or maybe it was just the real good sex we had the next day….? That shower sex!

Come back for that – its another story for another day.

The moral of this story – blowjobs have their place. If he’d let me finish my oral work, he would never have cum inside me, and the night would have gone very differently.

The Etiquette of Sex

Just saying.

Do You Want To Come In For A Smoke?

I want to have sex with my drug dealer I think. You know those weird passing crushes I seem to have? One Ball’s best friend, and Jock’s too – the Redneck. Now it’s my drug dealer. Great.

I’m trying to work out how old he is, and whether or not it would be acceptable to bang him. It’s a crush that has been bubbling away under the surface for a while now, and we’re at a stage where I won’t answer the door to him without makeup on, or my hair done. Today however, the crush hit a new high.

He was waiting at the door when I got home, and I let us both in, trying to chit-chat as I dropped my bags, rummaged for my keys, tried to find my purse, and generally made a right fuck-up of it all.

See, I stumble a lot when I like someone. I was stumbly. Epic fail.

He was stumbly too, that’s what made me smile. I suddenly realised the attraction could very well have been there for both of us, and our flirty chit-chat continued. He gave me my pick of the bags of green in his outstretched hands ‘coz he’s a gentleman like that, and he told me to be careful, as it ‘knocked him on his ass’ the day before. He was a social smoker, not a regular smoker.

Then the invite just fell out of my mouth….

“Do you want to come in for a smoke?”

Fuuuuuuck. I just invited my drug dealer into my house ALONE, to have a smoke. If that wasn’t an invitation to fuck, I don’t know what was. I didn’t mean for it to come out quite like that and thankfully, he politely declined telling me had other drop-off’s to do. He knew though – he knew what it meant. I had just opened the flood gates. In fact, I hadn’t. I’d probably just confused the boy. I would imagine he assumed Bestie and I were a couple, just like everyone else does.

He’s kinda bad-boy looking, with a whole bunch of what might or might not be really bad tattoos. The only tattoo I can remember is the one of the bright red lips on his neck. I wanna leave bright red lips on his neck.

He’s tall. Taller than me anyway, although it’s not hard. I’m about 5 foot 3. Or 4 depending on how pouffy my hair is. He’s quite skinny too. I don’t like skinny guys. At all. He dresses really well most of the time, with named-brands. None of this Primark shit. Some days it’ll be jeans, a smart tee, and a pair of sunnies, with his red jacket casually thrown over one shoulder. Others it’ll be an all-grey tracksuit, still smart though – nothing ripped or scruffy. I might not think much of his sense of style but at least his clothes are decent.

Plus, none of that matters. I don’t want to have a relationship with the guy, I just want to fuck him. What’s so bad about that? Well, first I need to find out how old he is. I’m 29 now. I won’t have a relationship with a younger guy, but even for a casual bang, my lowest is 25. I’d feel like proper Cougar if I went any lower than that, and I don’t think I’m the Cougar type.

I can’t work out how old he is. I reckon he might be 25-ish, but that might be wishful thinking. Bestie seems to think he’s 22 tops. Would it be really inappropriate for me to just ask him?

Flirty chit-chat aside, I don’t even think it’s about banging my drug dealer at all. Yeah I think he’s kinda hot, and I’d quite like to bounce on top of him a few times, but it’s not really about him, is it? Its about boredom. Boredom with Someone New because he’s not quite man enough for me. Boredom with the sex I don’t seem to be able to have because of that fucking LEEP / LLETZ procedure. The one that has left me bleeding after sex EVERY TIME, and irregular patches of bleeding whenever my body damn well feels like it.

I just want to have sex with someone. Someone good. Someone exciting and interesting. Someone like Jock or My Mr. Grey. Someone that drives me wild. Someone New is good in bed, but we don’t have enough of a connection out of it to have that real connection in it. You know? Plus, I’d quite like my body to go back to how it was before I got sick – before they took bits out of me and created new problems that weren’t even problems in the first place.

But yeah, I’m crushing on my drug dealer today. Not really sure what to do about this.

Do You Want To Come In For A Smoke?

Why Do You Like It When I Watch?

One thing that is becoming increasingly apparent about my new boyfriend, Someone New, is that he has quite the fetish for being watched. Not us together like dogging or anything seedy like that. Nope, he likes it when I watch him jerk off.

I’ve never been with this kinda guy before; the likes-to-be watched guy. To be honest, I’m not 100% sure how I feel about it. I’ve never been asked before. I’ve never been put in a situation where the guy would rather touch himself up than let me touch him before. I’m not sure how it makes me feel.

Does he want me to watch him because I’m not doing it right? I know if I were repeatedly asking a guy to watch me flick the bean, it would be more than likely because he wasn’t hitting the button quite right, and I thought I could give him a few little pointers. Is that what he is doing with me? Giving me a few little cheeky pointers?

Maybe I’m doing it just fine, and he just wants me to show him what else he likes? Maybe he does little things to himself that I don’t do to him, and although he likes what I do, he wants me to try that too?

Maybe I’m just reading too much into it, and he really just likes to be watched? It’s something I try to avoid to be honest, and when he pushes me back and grabs his cock with his hand, I normally just fight to put it in my mouth. He has such a beautiful cock, it would be a shame to let it go to waste…

I get uncomfortable. He’s watching me, watching him, and I’m not doing anything. I’m not allowed to touch him, even though I want to, and I’m too scared to touch myself in front of him. I need to be sure he’s staying before I let him too far in. Plus, I’m still learning about my new, slimmer body. I still don’t know how I feel about it.

I feel like a spare part. Like what am I meant to do? Sit there in front of him with a weird, gormless look on my face? I hardly think that’s attractive, do you?

I’m trying to open my mind to the new things this guy is bringing to the table, but as much as I like to think I’ve experienced everything that sex has to offer, I’m constantly surprised. He’s always making suggestions no one else has made before, and I think that’s what has kept me somewhat interested all this time. It’s definitely not boring.

I decided to just ask him outright and stop being a pussy:

“Why do you like it when I watch?”

He took forever to message back, because guys are fuckers like that, aren’t they? But when he did, the response wasn’t quite what I expected:

“Because I’m doing it for you, hopefully turning you on. I’ve got your full attention, and myself hotter and hornier, and seeing the look it gives you…

You get a look in your eyes, and you bite your lip. It’s when you’re on the verge of sucking my cock, normally just before you run your nails across my bare flesh. It makes me shake.”

Is it a control thing? He has my full attention? Doesn’t he? If we’re in bed together, where else does he think my attention is going to go?

Is it about not letting me touch him? I don’t think so – he never normally puts up much of a fight when I do.

So, what’s the deal? Why does it keep coming up? Why is he so intent on me watching him. Just watching him? From start to finish – floppy to climax, no touching, just watching. Isn’t that a bit weird? Who wants that much focus anyway? I’ve seen the faces I pull when I jerk off. I certainly wouldn’t want someone watching. Not unless I was drunk anyway.

So come on – what’s the deal?! Why does this guy want me to watch him want so bad? And what the hell am I meant to do while I’m watching?

Answers on a postcard. Or just below, obviously.

I Had AMAZING Sex Last Night.

I need to talk about last night. Oh boy do I. It’s been a shit few weeks. In fact, it’s been a shit few months, so the fact that I have something exciting and naughty to talk about for a change has filled me with happiness. Lame, right?

I didn’t know whether or not I wanted to go and see Someone New last night, but I hadn’t seen him for over two weeks and he was starting to get a bit antsy. I was hours later than I had planned to be, but to be fair the day didn’t go quite as I had planned. That’s a lie. I fart-assed about for the entire day, not really giving a shit because I was pretty sure I was going to blow him out anyway.

In the end, I went and I’m really glad I did. The last few times we’ve hung out, I’ve told him to be gentle with me, but we’ve both gotten a bit carried away. Each time we’ve slept together, he’s made me bleed… For days after. I’m putting this down to the LLETZ I had a while back, but it’s really pissing me off. This time, he promised he’d go gentle so I wouldn’t bleed again. Gentle isn’t quite what I would call it… But I didn’t bleed anyway! 😉

We had a lazy evening on the couch, watching Finding Nemo because we clearly haven’t grown up yet. We ordered fish and chips. We snuggled in his super-soft blanket, and I gave him the obligatory blowjob on the couch. You see, when you don’t see your boyfriend for weeks at a time, you get used to him blowing his load waaaaaay too soon. When he does this, there’s spunk inside you so he then won’t go down on you. Sorry to be crude. You miss out, he gets what he wants… Hardly fair, right?

I’m smart – I give him head first. It takes five minutes maximum because it’s been so long and I come across the perfect girlfriend (although I love giving head anyway). Plus we both get what we want – I get my fair share of oral sex later on because I’m not looking like something out of a creampie porno, he gets a blowjob, and we have great sex before drifting off to sleep. Not always like that, obviously; we’re not boring or predictable yet. But you get the general idea – that first blowjob works for you both!

Back to my night, and it wasn’t long before we were climbing into bed. He reached into his bedside cabinet drawer and pulled something out – a black, silky blindfold. Clearly my boyfriend had been shopping. Carefully blindfolded, I positioned myself ready for the cunnilingus I was desperately hoping for but it didn’t come… Instead, I heard what I thought were clicking noises and I’ll be honest, for a moment, I shit myself. I was petrified. I couldn’t see what was coming. I didn’t know where he was. I didn’t know what he had in his hands, or what was going to happen next. I felt his hands roaming over my breasts and my skin exploded with goosebumps. Apparently fear is quite the turn on. It’s been such a long time since someone tried to push my boundaries, I almost forgot quite how exciting it was.

He held my nipples in his fingers, rubbing his thumb over the top of them, and then I felt something that wasn’t his fingers. Something vibrating, something that clamped down onto my nipples but in a way that didn’t hurt. It wasn’t until the next morning that I learned they were these things:

Vibrating Nipple Clamps available at Ann Summers.

Vibrating Nipple Clamps available at Ann Summers.

Can I first just say that I would definitely personally recommend them? Well, I would. They don’t hurt, surprisingly enough. In fact, they bring a little something new to the table – something almost painful, but definitely more than verging into pleasure. He had those nicely buzzing away on my nipples, while he worked his magic with his fingers and his tongue down below.

He told me he’d never me felt me cum that hard – back arched more than he’d seen before, and my insides clamping down so hard, he marvelled at my strength. It was mind-blowing. The whole night was. The blindfold combined with the vibrating nipple clamps gave me the craziest orgasm I’d ever had, and when he moved the clamps down and gently placed them on my lips… Fuck. Just fuck.

I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t stop my hands from tearing at the bed sheets. I couldn’t stay still, squirming around his bed wanting more, and wanting him to stop, all at the same time. I was putty in his hands and I would have done anything he wanted in that moment. When he slid into me and gently rocked me to my final orgasm before finishing himself off in my mouth and spooning me to sleep, I realised something – this guy really tries hard to make me happy.

We talk a lot, normally via our phones because we don’t see each other enough, and we’ve covered a lot of topics. Sex, obviously, is one of the biggest things we talk about, and I’ve already explained to him in great detail my annoyance about guys seriously avoiding my nipples, despite being perma-obsessed with my tits.

Why does this happen? Why do all guys shout, scream and make such a commotion about my chest, only to completely ignore it when I’m all good and naked? It really pisses me off, and from what I can work out, I’m far from the only girl that feels like this. Guys – seriously. Why are you avoiding them? They are there to be played with!

Anyway, Someone New listened to this and did something about it. Not only did he dedicate a full five minutes just playing with my nipples while kissing me – biting them, tweaking them, nibbling on them, licking them, blowing them, and more, but he also bought toys to ensure they weren’t left out when he was focusing on other areas! He knows I have a serious pleasure-pain fetish, and I think he’s excited to play around with it. He’s never done that with anyone before; I think he may have lead a somewhat vanilla sex life. Well…. That’s about to change. Clearly. Woo hoo!

But seriously though. He’s really trying. And he’s actually working out to be a really nice guy. Like a really nice guy. We’ve been dating for three and a half months and I can honestly say, there’s nothing that really bugs me about him. Plus I’m starting to develop feelings for him. I don’t know what they are, and I’m definitely nowhere near ready for the whole L-word thing yet. God no. He is though. It’s on the very tip of his tongue. It keeps popping up in random places like the random hearts he sends me via text (I’ve NEVER sent him a heart, I don’t do that), or when he replied to a random selfie I sent the other day with “Love that little face”. That’s basically the L-word, right?

In fact, he’s full of the awesome text messages. Just check this next one out:


Sorry, I just wanted to share that cuteness with someone. It’s so cute, it almost makes you want to vomit, doesn’t it? But that’s what he’s like. He does stuff. He says stuff. It’s all the right stuff. He’s bought me vintage scarves because I said I liked them. He got me a Frozen easter egg because he knows I love that movie. He got me a tube of Smarties when he went to Switzerland with work; a special one in a special tube with a Mickey Mouse figurine on the lid. The blindfold, the cock ring, the nipple clamps, making me dinner, making sure I’m OK…. It’s all a thousand times away from what I had with, dare I say his name, Jock.

A million miles away.

So why am I just not that into him yet? At this point with Jock, I was well and truly smitten with him – hooked, obsessed, addicted. With Someone New, I’m not quite sure even though, by all accounts, he’s actually a pretty damn awesome guy, and very well matched to me. Why not? If he’s ticking all the right boxes, and we have the right chemistry, why isn’t it all sliding into place? Why am I still not quite sure? He rocked my world last night and yet somewhere along the lines, I seem to have missed a trick. He’s clearly well into me. Why am I not well into him?

Still, I had AMAZING sex last night.