The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I’ve Ever Had – Part Three

Have you read Part One and Part Two yet? You might want to go back and read those first! 🙂

The last story I seemed to have a hard time with as I didn’t want to re-mention old stories. Like the guy with the silk boxer shorts that waddled towards me whilst pulling on a condom, and almost suffocated me with his huge, tall body on the couch. Or the Prison Warden guy with this knee-high football socks and THAT awkward threesome.

Gosh I really was a slut. Notice the was though – I’m nothing like that now thankfully. My behaviour back then makes me cringe. I’m just glad social media hadn’t been invented at that point.

I think I’m going to have to go with Number 18 for this one. The Prison Guy.

I don’t really know what happened with this guy. He had just gotten out of prison and was honestly, not an attractive creature. I don’t even know how I met him, although I used to hang around with his girlfriend and we worked together for a while, so I can only assume it was that. Honestly though – she wasn’t all that either and she could have done so much better than this guy. He really was a fucking skank.

He was my friend though, and one night we found ourselves alone in his halfway house that I found myself hanging out in for a spell. I was living with my Grandmother and seriously rebelling I think – drinking too much and smoking too much pot. It wasn’t long before we were stripping and when his pants were removed, I literally stopped dead.

He had no penis. Like, I’m not even kidding. He had NO penis. It was smaller than my little finger ERECT and I have really small hands. It was tiny. And it was no bigger in girth either. Perhaps a tad but not much. I remember trying to close my mouth around it at one point and there was nothing to it, it was impossible to blow!

I don’t actually think we can class what we did as real, actual sex. I’m sure it didn’t even go in far enough to warrant calling it sex. Plus he came real quick. Clearly I was the best thing he’d had in his bed for a while.

I’m not proud of that moment, and I don’t admit it to anyone else. Mostly because she announced she was pregnant the next day, and the day after that he was arrested for robbing my Grandmother’s friend who lived up the road in the middle of the night. I remember hiding his stuff and trying to keep a straight face as I lied to the police about knowing his whereabouts but now I kick myself. He would have robbed my Grandmother in a heartbeat. I don’t know why I helped him, or why I classed him as a friend. I definitely have no idea why I got into bed with him. I can only assume I was rebelling to a very serious degree.

That’s what I’m putting it down to anyway.

I always thought I had no regrets in life and that I learned from every sexual experience but that one is a genuine regret. I’m pretty sure they’re still together and have probably had an estate’s worth of children by now. They deserved each other. They were both skanks. I always knew I was better than that. Except at the time, I wasn’t.

So yeah. Those are what I would class to be my three weirdest, strangest, most bizarre sexual experiences ever. Why don’t you carry on and tell me yours? Link to me – I want to read allllllllll about it.

Seriously though. Not proud of these moments of my life. I’m hanging my head in shame right now. All experience I guess…..

The Weirdest Sexual Experiences I've Ever Had

The Bullying Bitch

I watched a video on Facebook last night and I really feel the need to talk about it. This has nothing to do with my life, but it definitely had an effect on it. It was a video about bullying. Maybe you should watch it for yourself. You can find the video on my Facebook page, or read the news articles that followed:

ITV News – Birmingham Girl Arrested Over Facebook Bullying Video Goes Viral

The Bullying Bitch

I shared the video on my Facebook wall which I appreciate makes me a bit of a hypocrite. Some may see this as bullying too – naming and shaming a bully to six million people over social media. I don’t think so. Let me explain myself.

We live in a world that rotates around technology now. When you do something in public, you MUST be prepared for other people to see it. Whether that’s by CCTV or a video / photo taken on someone’s mobile phone, there’s a good chance your every move is being documented somehow. It’s a sad state of affairs but that’s the way it is, and when things like this happen, I am glad of it. If this video hadn’t been made, and made public, there’s a good chance this incident would never have been brought to justice, and thankfully, this evil, vindictive bitch is now in custody, being investigated by police.

As someone that has been on the nasty little end of one of these ‘playground pranks’, I can wholeheartedly sympathise with the embarrassment, shame and fear that the two girls on the end of this bully’s actions would have felt. I remember being in the centre of the school yard where all the bags were kept, trying to get to my own right at the back. One of the popular girls in school grabbed my bag, held it up in front of everyone, and mocked it. It wasn’t the Morgan designer one that all the other girls had that year. I wasn’t really up with the latest fashion trends. I wasn’t a skank, by any means, but I just wasn’t a designer baby. My parent’s struggled financially, as I’m sure many other’s did, and although I had everything I needed, I was more likely to have Primark than Prada.

She wouldn’t give me my bag back, and more and more kids were coming out of the dining hall. Before I knew it, there was a small crowd forming. She belittled me, my lack of designer clothing, and my shitty bag for what like eternity in front of everyone else. In reality it was probably only around 10 minutes. She made me crawl halfway over the bags to try and get to her, to get my bag out of her hand, and then she threw it right to the other end so that I had to crawl my way back out again. It was mortifying. My skirt went up as I was crawling around on my hands and knees like a dog, and I’m pretty sure one of the lads shouted he could see my underwear. Right there, at that particular moment, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Everyone was watching. Everyone was laughing. Lots of things like that happened to me at school. I was bullied pretty badly, to the point where I attempted suicide one Sunday night, terrified at the prospect of going back to the school the next day. Terrified at the thought of facing the loneliness and abandonment that every day brought with it. I was so isolated. I didn’t fit in anywhere. I didn’t really have any friends. I guess I was the weird kid.

My experience back then in the school yard with my bag – if that had happened now, it would have gone something like that video. Except the entire school will probably see that video, and have a constant reminder of it too. The evolution of bullying. Can you believe it?

I’m very anti-bullying now. I might be a bitch and say it straight, but I’m not a bully. If I see someone being bullied, I will instantly jump to their defence. I don’t mind the odd prank, but there is a fine line, and I won’t sit back and watch if someone crosses it.

You see, after watching that video, I toyed with the idea of sharing it on my Facebook page. If I shared it, I would be just as bad, wouldn’t I? Instead of belittling her and shaming her to a small group of my friends however, I would be joining the masses – 6 million other people – to publicly shame and humiliate her across the world.

I chose to do it anyway. And this is my reason why….

Teachers, policemen, parents – these adults have no authority over kids these days. This is becoming increasingly apparent. I had a fairly strict upbringing, and I was disciplined if I did something wrong. I would be given a warning the first time and if I ignored it and did it again, I would get a swift, sharp slap across the back of the tops of my legs. Sometimes a handprint would be left behind, and it would sting for a while, but it never caused me any serious damage and you can bet your last buck I wouldn’t do whatever it was again. I feel that parenting is too soft these days. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with beating your child black and blue, but discipline is important. Smacking a child’s hand when they repeatedly reach for a candle isn’t battering them, or child abuse, it’s education and discipline. If you don’t slap the child’s hand away when they don’t listen to you say “No”, it will burn itself on the candle. Of course, you could always just remove the candle entirely and wrap the child up in cotton wool. But that’s a different kind of parenting technique altogether.

The point I’m trying to make here is that the ONLY way to teach kids just like this bully these days, is by naming and shaming. Do you think that she would have listened to her parents about this incident? Do you think anything her parents could have said or done would have made a difference to her behaviour? No, she would have gotten her phone taken away from her for a week or so, would have been made to apologise to the other girls, and life would have gone on as normal. She probably would have gone on to do it again to someone else.

Even if the cops had been involved before the whole Facebook name-and-shame, do you think they would have been able to do anything? If that video hadn’t existed, they wouldn’t have. There wouldn’t have been enough evidence. And if the Facebook sharing situation hadn’t happened, the incident would never have been brought to the cop’s attention anyway. It even says on the news report that a ‘Facebook post has been brought to their attention’.

This aside, kids don’t learn from parents. They don’t listen to cops, or teachers, or anyone meant to have authority. If they did, getting grounded and getting detention would still work. When I got grounded, I didn’t do what I did wrong again. I hated being grounded. If a kid gets grounded now, my younger sister being a classic example, they would just shout and scream so loud and for so long, the parents let them out the house anyway, in a bid to shut them up.

There is no discipline.

Do you want to know what will make a difference to this girl’s behaviour though? The opinions of her peers – the opinions and thoughts of the six million other people over the internet. She will be mortified by this event, so much so that I can personally guarantee she probably won’t do it again. Looking at her pictures, she’s clearly a girl that makes an effort with the way she looks, which would suggest she would care what people think about her. So the fact that right now, six million people think so badly about her, they would adorn their Facebook walls with videos of her ugly actions, will hurt her deep. She will be too scared to be a bully again.

Facing the judgemental looks of your friends, parents, and teachers is one thing. Facing the judgemental looks of the entire world is something else entirely.

If prison, detention, grounding, or a good telling-off worked, the world wouldn’t be the way it is today. It would still be the way it was twenty years ago, thirty years ago, whatever – when people were frightened about going to prison, and the thought of getting told off by your parents simply terrified you. The world is very different, and the internet makes a massive difference to how we all live our lives. As much as most of us would wish it weren’t true, this Facebook naming and shaming is probably one of the only things that would have worked to stop this bully. And regardless of what may have happened in the lead up to this; regardless of what the two bullied girls may have said or done, THIS was the part that was on video and shared to the entire world. And for that, the bully herself is to blame. If she hadn’t done that; if she hadn’t treated those two girls like utter shit, disrespecting them in a way that girls really shouldn’t disrespect each other, she wouldn’t have anything to worry about. And if she hadn’t stupidly let her friends record her, in a bid to saviour the memory to make herself feel better later on, to laugh at and to mock those two poor girls one more time, it would never have ended up on Facebook.

You see, your consequences have actions these days, especially over social media. And this is a lesson this bully has now learned. Let’s hope it’s a mistake she doesn’t repeat.

So yes, as much as publicly naming and shaming this girl may ruin her life, she is already well on her way to ruining two other girls lives. The only difference is, her Facebook fame will be over and done with in a couple of weeks, with the general public moving onto their next victim. The two girls that she bullied – that will have a lasting impact on their mental health – the way they think about themselves, for the rest of their lives. Because bullying does have a long-lasting effect. And before you say that the naming and shaming will affect the bully for the rest of her life too, so will prison, or whatever sentence she gets from her crime. If it even gets that far. She did the crime – she deserves to do the time. That’s called justice.

Plus, those videos would have been made in a bid to mock those girls later on. There was no other purpose to keeping the memory of that bullying event. They did that to either share on Facebook themselves later on, or just to keep and have something to laugh at. Either way, it’s sick and it’s twisted, and something needs to be done to stop it. It’s abuse. If it were sexual, we wouldn’t stand for it. If it were physical (which it was at one point), we wouldn’t stand for it. So why do we stand for it when it is mental abuse? Deliberately humiliating people in front of others, making them beg or apologise, getting them to bow down on their knees…. Sorry, but doesn’t this behaviour set a lot of alarm bells going off? If we let that kind of behaviour grow and evolve, what would happen? In five years time, or ten years time, how far on will this bullying have got? How long before this girl carries a knife? Or decides to throw a girls bag into the road again and get her killed by a passing car?

Not just treating this bully a lesson, it also teaches the world a valuable lesson. I bet a lot of her friends will be re-evaluating their behaviour right now. I bet some of them will question what they are doing before they do it, or what they say before they say it. I bet it will put at least one of them off being a bully ever again. And if we can stop just one bully from this, that’s only a good thing.

A little out of control – most definitely.

Needed to prove a point to society, especially impressionable, silly young girls – 100%.

The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I’ve Ever Had

I read this thing on Facebook on one of those article sites that gets shared a thousand times, and it was all about this one girl’s three weirdest and funniest sexual experiences, and man, were they funny.

My 3 Most Horrible (And Hilarious) Sexual Encounters

I decided to have a go at this myself seeing as we all know how weird and wonderful my sex life has been over the years. I have decided to share with you the three weirdest sexual experiences  I’ve ever had.

Are you ready? Sitting comfortably? Ready to cringe with me?

I had to put some serious thought into this as, I’m going to be honest, I’ve had more bad, nasty, and downright weird sexual occurrences than I would openly like to admit to.

Guy Number 3 on my list was a pretty weird situation, so I’m going to put this one at number three on this list.

It was me, my boyfriend (Number 4 – The Fireman), Number 3, and his girlfriend. We’d been out drinking together until the early hours of the morning, aged around 18/19, and after the pubs were done and we were all good and kicked out, we decided to keep the party going.

On the way home to my guy’s house, someone mentioned a foursome, and the idea kinda picked up speed from there. Fuelled with amounts of booze that a sailor on leave would be proud of, we stormed back to boyfy’s house, only to remember that not only was his entire family home, but he had relatives staying on the living room floor as well.

We were so far gone in our alcohol-fuelled horn-dog states, we would have carried on that particular party anywhere and we did…. In my boyfriend’s garden shed.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like a falling down wreck or anything like that. In fact, it was a relatively new shed and once we were done with it, was quite the romantic get-up with candles, soft music, and plenty more booze. Before I knew it, we were stripping off, and there was a lot of things happening all at once.

My boyfriend was kissing me, and Number 3 was kissing his girlfriend. Then I heard noises that suggested they weren’t just kissing anymore and all of a sudden, we weren’t just kissing anymore either. I don’t remember an awful lot of the night, mostly because of the vast amount of booze we drank but also because it was about a million years ago, but I do remember both of us girls being on my boyfriend’s dick at one point. When it was time for me to enjoy my fill, with all three of the others focusing all of their attention on me, my boyfriend decided he ‘couldn’t do it anymore’. He pulled out the safe word – Eeyore.

Hey, don’t judge – it’s a safe word that works!

We had a massive fight after that night came to an abrupt end, and he accused me of cheating on him which was quite ironic seeing as he got played with and I didn’t, so to speak.

I slept with Number 3 in the end anyway, a while later. In fact, I’m pretty sure he cheated on the same girlfriend with me. They are married now and have had a couple of kids, but I bet he didn’t forget that night in the shed, or the night we had, just us two, that followed.

So, part one done. I realised this post was going to be much longer than anticipated so I’ll do the good thing and break it up for you.

Keep your eyes peeled for part two, and while you’re there – tell me your most embarrassing / weird sex stories. It can’t just be me…

The 3 Weirdest Sexual Experiences I've Ever Had

Sort Yourself Out Ladies

Right, I’m naming and shaming. Well, not quite. But seriously though, what is up with girls airing their dirty linen in public? Or rather, on Facebook? Get a fucking grip.

When I woke up this morning, I checked my Instagram to see what’s going on in the world, and one of my female friends who I shall call The Sad-Act, had uploaded no fewer than 26 soppy, sad, depressing Instagram quote-posts. Honestly, it was almost vomit-inducing.

“Relationships are about trust. If you have to play detective, it’s time to move on.”

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”

“A man is only insecure about a female when he knows she deserves better.”

“Romeo and Juliet is just another examples of why communication within a relationship is so crucial.”

God, it’s depressing isn’t it? There were twenty-fucking-six of them. As if my morning hadn’t started out depressing enough already.

Why do girls do this? Guys NEVER do this, or at least, very rarely. I’ve never seen a guy go on for weeks and weeks on his Facebook / Twitter / Instagram accounts about how much he misses the girl, or how much his heart is breaking because she is no longer in his life. You never see that, do you? If you have seen that, please tell me, I’d really like to see it. And laugh, obviously. Wimp.

Sort Yourself Out Ladies

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know how heartbreaking a breakup can be. I’m still going through one of them myself, aren’t I? I know it’s heartbreaking and I know it feels as if the end of your life has come. But it hasn’t. As sad as I was, I knew I wouldn’t feel sad forever. I knew that although the pain would always be there, that the man I once loved would no longer be in my bed or in my life, it would subside, and one day I would ever find love again in someone new. That’s part of life isn’t it? Is there any real need to be soooooooo melodramatic about it in public?

The thing that really gets to me is the fact that she is PUBLICLY plastering her business all over social media. Surely she has more dignity than that? What happened to walking away from a breakup “winning” – head held high, no regrets, getting on just fine? On the outside at least. You would never know I was going through a breakup in the ‘real world’. There is no mention of it on Facebook. I don’t make my relationship status ‘single’, I just hide it so no one can see it, and then make it ‘single’ when I’m good and ready. I don’t change it so that anyone can see – I’m certainly not joining the pity party.

Sort Yourself Out Ladies

Why would you let a man have that much control over your happiness? Why would you let a man have that much control in front of 500 of your ‘closest’ friends? It makes no sense to me. I would just rather have a bit more dignity. I don’t need a man to complete me, and even if that’s not strictly true, I don’t need to admit as such to the entire world. Why would you let him know he still bugs you that much? If he did that bad shit to you, bad shit to warrant 26 Instagram posts hating on him, why would you even give him five seconds of your day? Clearly he’s not worth it if he fucked you up that much.

Sort Yourself Out Ladies

I don’t know. Those 26 posts just really annoyed me. Get a grip of yourself. NO man in the world is worth that. I wouldn’t even let David Beckham have 26 posts telling him how much he won this breakup war. Na uh. No way.

Sort yourself out ladies. That’s all I’m saying.

Like this on Facebook

It’s Bittersweet – Karma

In advance, I must say that I will probably come across a right bitch here. I don’t know if you remember, but quite a while ago I had a rant about the mother and daughter disaster combo I once worked with on the other side of the world? I say worked with, I mean slaved for.

Well apparently today, karma well and truly bit them on the ass.

If you can’t be bothered to read the link (don’t worry, I’m not judging, I’m lazy too), I’ll give you a refresher course. They had me by the balls with my work situation and they were well aware of it, and they exploited me for everything they could. I worked every hour under the sun for what really was shit pay for what I did, and I basically had to manage and organise two of the most disorganised people in the world. Disorganised, vain, off their head on the craziest drink and drug cocktails, and with absolutely zero people skills.

The mother, Little Miss Sunshine; she wasn’t too bad. When she was on her own, she was actually a lovely person, and my heart goes out to her right now because I wholeheartedly believe she doesn’t deserve a moment of this. She was a good person, deep down, but I think she was just so drugged up on a cocktail of pills to help her get through the day, her cruel, evil daughter completely led her astray. The weird money-making schemes – they were all Beluga Whale. She would shout and scream until she got her own way, turning on anyone that dared step into her path, and more often than not, she would get her own way, leaving a trial of destruction in her wake. I was normally the one to console her sobbing mother, and clean up behind her.

One of my other-side-of-the-world ladies sent me a WhatsApp message.

“Have you seen this yet?”

It was a story that had broken on a local news site and then on Facebook, describing how Little Miss Sunshine and the Beluga Whale were getting sued because of their dodgy work activities. To be honest, I’m surprised they hadn’t gotten into trouble a lot sooner, and at first, I was secretly pleased that I had gotten my wish and karma had finally bit them on the ass.

The things that were in the news report were enough to make anyone cringe. What they had apparently done really was pretty unspeakable. They are pretty well known in the town too, and it wasn’t long before the Likes and Shares on the Facebook post had gone up. I took a sneaky peek on her Instagram page and noticed that she was deleting her images one by one – right there in front of me. Then she deleted her Facebook page. The backlash had started. The girl was going into hiding. It’s probably for the best. I happen to know a number of the allegations were true. Or at least they were all those years ago, and I wouldn’t imagine anything had changed.

As I saw the massive number of comments going up and up and up, my heart went out to them. Little Miss Sunshine more than Beluga Whale, of course, but it still did. What they were going through, what they were about to go through, it’s truly awful. They are essentially about to be run out of their home town. They are probably going to lose their family business – the only thing they know. They are probably going to lose everything. And the worst of it is, they deserve it. Well, one of them does.

They have screwed so many people over across the years, even in the course of their business by ‘omitting’ information and ‘submitting’ little white lies, forging signatures, you name it. I’m very surprised the shit they are going through right now hasn’t happened sooner, but despite getting the karma that I think they deserve, I can’t help but feel incredibly sorry for them. It makes me realise I’m a much better person than I give myself credit for.

I don’t know. I don’t really know the point I’m trying to make here. It just affected me, seeing the things that people were saying about them. These people aren’t people that knew the girls like I did, and although I agreed with the things they were saying, I still felt as if I should be defending them. I didn’t. I just sat back and watched the drama unfold.

The Beluga Whale deleted me from Instagram, and she blocked me too. I have a number of business accounts so I can still see her if I wanted to, plus Bestie and her are still following each other, so I can still see. Idiot. Part of me is wondering why they are going into social media hiding? So they can’t see the things that people are saying about them? Just because they can no longer see them, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. I just don’t see the point, you know? Surely they must both know they are going down with this shit storm? I don’t see any way that they could get out of it, you know, seeing as most of what I read I personally knew to be true. Surely it would be better to go down with dignity than go into hiding?

Not that it matters, they no longer speak to me. The Beluga Whale got what she wanted out of me when I was in her country. Now I’m not, she has no use for me. That’s why I was easy to socially delete in the first place. It’s funny because I always defended them. I actually thought we were friends.

You know, girls fuck each other over way more than guys fuck girls over. It’s just almost acceptable when its a girl knifing you in the back. If she had been a dude, I would have walked away a lot sooner than I did, and even when I did, it was because I was leaving the country.

It’s bittersweet – karma. I’m glad they got their comeuppance, but I feel bad for them too. The shit they are about to go through, that they are going through; I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone someone I once classed as my friend.

Good luck girls. You’re gonna need it this time. 

It's Bittersweet - Karma

Do You Want To Come In For A Smoke?

I want to have sex with my drug dealer I think. You know those weird passing crushes I seem to have? One Ball’s best friend, and Jock’s too – the Redneck. Now it’s my drug dealer. Great.

I’m trying to work out how old he is, and whether or not it would be acceptable to bang him. It’s a crush that has been bubbling away under the surface for a while now, and we’re at a stage where I won’t answer the door to him without makeup on, or my hair done. Today however, the crush hit a new high.

He was waiting at the door when I got home, and I let us both in, trying to chit-chat as I dropped my bags, rummaged for my keys, tried to find my purse, and generally made a right fuck-up of it all.

See, I stumble a lot when I like someone. I was stumbly. Epic fail.

He was stumbly too, that’s what made me smile. I suddenly realised the attraction could very well have been there for both of us, and our flirty chit-chat continued. He gave me my pick of the bags of green in his outstretched hands ‘coz he’s a gentleman like that, and he told me to be careful, as it ‘knocked him on his ass’ the day before. He was a social smoker, not a regular smoker.

Then the invite just fell out of my mouth….

“Do you want to come in for a smoke?”

Fuuuuuuck. I just invited my drug dealer into my house ALONE, to have a smoke. If that wasn’t an invitation to fuck, I don’t know what was. I didn’t mean for it to come out quite like that and thankfully, he politely declined telling me had other drop-off’s to do. He knew though – he knew what it meant. I had just opened the flood gates. In fact, I hadn’t. I’d probably just confused the boy. I would imagine he assumed Bestie and I were a couple, just like everyone else does.

He’s kinda bad-boy looking, with a whole bunch of what might or might not be really bad tattoos. The only tattoo I can remember is the one of the bright red lips on his neck. I wanna leave bright red lips on his neck.

He’s tall. Taller than me anyway, although it’s not hard. I’m about 5 foot 3. Or 4 depending on how pouffy my hair is. He’s quite skinny too. I don’t like skinny guys. At all. He dresses really well most of the time, with named-brands. None of this Primark shit. Some days it’ll be jeans, a smart tee, and a pair of sunnies, with his red jacket casually thrown over one shoulder. Others it’ll be an all-grey tracksuit, still smart though – nothing ripped or scruffy. I might not think much of his sense of style but at least his clothes are decent.

Plus, none of that matters. I don’t want to have a relationship with the guy, I just want to fuck him. What’s so bad about that? Well, first I need to find out how old he is. I’m 29 now. I won’t have a relationship with a younger guy, but even for a casual bang, my lowest is 25. I’d feel like proper Cougar if I went any lower than that, and I don’t think I’m the Cougar type.

I can’t work out how old he is. I reckon he might be 25-ish, but that might be wishful thinking. Bestie seems to think he’s 22 tops. Would it be really inappropriate for me to just ask him?

Flirty chit-chat aside, I don’t even think it’s about banging my drug dealer at all. Yeah I think he’s kinda hot, and I’d quite like to bounce on top of him a few times, but it’s not really about him, is it? Its about boredom. Boredom with Someone New because he’s not quite man enough for me. Boredom with the sex I don’t seem to be able to have because of that fucking LEEP / LLETZ procedure. The one that has left me bleeding after sex EVERY TIME, and irregular patches of bleeding whenever my body damn well feels like it.

I just want to have sex with someone. Someone good. Someone exciting and interesting. Someone like Jock or My Mr. Grey. Someone that drives me wild. Someone New is good in bed, but we don’t have enough of a connection out of it to have that real connection in it. You know? Plus, I’d quite like my body to go back to how it was before I got sick – before they took bits out of me and created new problems that weren’t even problems in the first place.

But yeah, I’m crushing on my drug dealer today. Not really sure what to do about this.

Do You Want To Come In For A Smoke?

Why Do You Like It When I Watch?

One thing that is becoming increasingly apparent about my new boyfriend, Someone New, is that he has quite the fetish for being watched. Not us together like dogging or anything seedy like that. Nope, he likes it when I watch him jerk off.

I’ve never been with this kinda guy before; the likes-to-be watched guy. To be honest, I’m not 100% sure how I feel about it. I’ve never been asked before. I’ve never been put in a situation where the guy would rather touch himself up than let me touch him before. I’m not sure how it makes me feel.

Does he want me to watch him because I’m not doing it right? I know if I were repeatedly asking a guy to watch me flick the bean, it would be more than likely because he wasn’t hitting the button quite right, and I thought I could give him a few little pointers. Is that what he is doing with me? Giving me a few little cheeky pointers?

Maybe I’m doing it just fine, and he just wants me to show him what else he likes? Maybe he does little things to himself that I don’t do to him, and although he likes what I do, he wants me to try that too?

Maybe I’m just reading too much into it, and he really just likes to be watched? It’s something I try to avoid to be honest, and when he pushes me back and grabs his cock with his hand, I normally just fight to put it in my mouth. He has such a beautiful cock, it would be a shame to let it go to waste…

I get uncomfortable. He’s watching me, watching him, and I’m not doing anything. I’m not allowed to touch him, even though I want to, and I’m too scared to touch myself in front of him. I need to be sure he’s staying before I let him too far in. Plus, I’m still learning about my new, slimmer body. I still don’t know how I feel about it.

I feel like a spare part. Like what am I meant to do? Sit there in front of him with a weird, gormless look on my face? I hardly think that’s attractive, do you?

I’m trying to open my mind to the new things this guy is bringing to the table, but as much as I like to think I’ve experienced everything that sex has to offer, I’m constantly surprised. He’s always making suggestions no one else has made before, and I think that’s what has kept me somewhat interested all this time. It’s definitely not boring.

I decided to just ask him outright and stop being a pussy:

“Why do you like it when I watch?”

He took forever to message back, because guys are fuckers like that, aren’t they? But when he did, the response wasn’t quite what I expected:

“Because I’m doing it for you, hopefully turning you on. I’ve got your full attention, and myself hotter and hornier, and seeing the look it gives you…

You get a look in your eyes, and you bite your lip. It’s when you’re on the verge of sucking my cock, normally just before you run your nails across my bare flesh. It makes me shake.”

Is it a control thing? He has my full attention? Doesn’t he? If we’re in bed together, where else does he think my attention is going to go?

Is it about not letting me touch him? I don’t think so – he never normally puts up much of a fight when I do.

So, what’s the deal? Why does it keep coming up? Why is he so intent on me watching him. Just watching him? From start to finish – floppy to climax, no touching, just watching. Isn’t that a bit weird? Who wants that much focus anyway? I’ve seen the faces I pull when I jerk off. I certainly wouldn’t want someone watching. Not unless I was drunk anyway.

So come on – what’s the deal?! Why does this guy want me to watch him want so bad? And what the hell am I meant to do while I’m watching?

Answers on a postcard. Or just below, obviously.