Because It’s Shark Week?

Sooooooo, last night I decided to finally go and see my Someone New. I’d blown him out for about four weeks and he was starting to get really annoyed with me, so although I was about an hour later than agreed, I eventually got my ass over to see him.

We were going to go for a cocktail or two, and then head back to his to watch Fifty Shades of Grey and have mindless sex. That was the plan, anyway.

Instead, I got my period. 56 days after my last one, it was heavy, I was in agony, and after that LLETZ procedure that seems to have completely wrecked my insides, I was in no mood to fuck around. He was bugging me every five minutes as I was getting ready, “How long will you be?”, “Where are you?”, “Are you on your way?”, and I snapped.

“If you quit bugging me, I’d be ready and on my way a hell of a lot sooner. I’ll be leaving soon. I will message you when I’ve left. Now be quiet and let me finish what I need to do!” 

I didn’t meant to be quite so sharp with him but I’ll be honest, Someone New was really pissing me off at this point.

We met up, and planned to head for the bar we usually frequent, and he decided to spice things up. “I want a Long Island ice tea, so we’re going to a different place!” This different place was miles away, or so it seemed, and it was packed. I had already told him I had crippling back ache and didn’t want to walk all over town, nor would my crippling social anxiety allow me to go into a packed bar on a Saturday night, so I would only go there if it wouldn’t be really busy.

We got there, and of course it was busy. So we went back to his. I was annoyed. By this point, I was now in agony with lower pain ache, and period cramps, and I knew I’d need to take one of my painkillers that have a tendency to knock me the fuck out for the rest of the day. With the period, the walking, the lack of cocktails, and the painkillers, there was absolutely no point in the date.

He made dinner, half of which I couldn’t eat because of my ridiculous Poo Problems, and then I passed out on the couch. We spent 14 hours together. An hour and a half of that was spent moaning, or me subjecting him to the sulky silent treatment, 8 of those hours were spent sleeping in bed, two of those hours were spent with me sleeping on him on the couch. Eleven and a half hours of our 14 hour date WASTED. I started to wish I hadn’t gone.

You see, I’m starting to see him in a slightly different light now, and I don’t know if that’s because I’m an uber-bitch because of the period from hell, or if I’m really not that into him. Because I really don’t think I’m that into him.

I wasn’t overly bothered that I didn’t get to see him over the last few weeks. Yes, I was marginally pissed off, but it wasn’t end of the world stuff. And he’s really starting to annoy me. If I’m out of contact for a couple of hours (which I am, regularly), or if I don’t appear at the exact time we first agree, he’s on the phone to me, bugging me every five minutes. I can’t be with someone like that. I’m always late. ALWAYS. I’m late to everything – work, social events, writing work occasionally. I don’t know how or why I’m late so often, especially as I seem to get up stupidly early some days, but I am. There is a vortex right outside my front door, and I’m sure there’s hours of my time stuck in there!

Plus I’m really disorganised. I’m not grubby but I am messy. I live in continual chaos, and my desk is always covered by pieces of paper and little note-scraps. I leave the dishes for a couple of days sometimes, and I don’t do my laundry as often as I need to. He’s like OCD clean. Within ten minutes of finishing dinner, he’s off to the kitchen doing the dishes. I cannot live like that. I want to veg out after dinner.

Last night was the first night I was bored with him. I just felt like the date had been a complete waste of my time. I could have stayed at home, gotten high, and written a few thousand words, earning myself some much-needed money. Instead, I spent a fortune getting over to his, and then only actually spending a couple of hours with him, and I’d hardly call that quality time. Pointless.

I’m meant to be going back to his place Monday night / Tuesday day to spend it with him, his two friends, and their two-year old daughter. He wants to introduce me to his friends? Really? I can’t even decide whether or not I really want him in my life, and he’s dropping the L-bomb conveniently into conversation all the time, and introducing me to his closest friends. I’m so not ready for this bullshit.

What the fuck am I meant to do here? I’ve already blown these particular friends out once, possibly twice. I think only the once though. I can’t blow them out again. Someone New won’t be able to forgive me, and as much as I’m not sure if I want him in my life, I definitely don’t want to hurt his feelings. I’m not that much of a bitch. Am I?

I’m not over Jock enough to jump into a relationship like this. There’s me casually dating this guy (although not dating anyone else either), and he’s IN LOVE. Plus I’m pretty sure he’ll have a rock on my finger within a year. He’s that kind of guy, you know.

What happened to taking your time? I’ve had this conversation with him. I’ve told him that I want things to slow down. He agreed with me. He said he would slow it down. So why is he making me do this? Social anxiety aside, I’m not ready to meet his close friends. I’ve not yet been brave enough to head into his work place yet. Apparently the girl he used to screw said I was pretty. She’s young though. I’m not stupid enough to think she won’t react to me in some way. Not only am I his NEW squeeze, but she probably still has a bit of a thing for him as he’s older and she’s pretty young. Plus I look the way I do. I’m quite intimidating when I want to be. And I’m very snooty and up my own ass when you meet me. My quiet, shy, social anxiety persona doesn’t come across as shy and quiet. She comes across a real fucking bitch. But I know this. I accept it. So that’s fine, right?

So what do I do? Find myself some balls and go see his friends Tuesday anyway? Or do I try and find another excuse to get out of it? I can’t just tell him I’m not sure about him yet… Can I?

Maybe Because It's Shark Week?

Maybe it’s just because of shark week? 

One thought on “Because It’s Shark Week?

  1. I wanted to comment last time, but didn’t cos I felt like you needed to get there of your own accord. If you were really into him, you wouldn’t have left it a month without seeing him. People make time for the things/people who are important to them. This is going nowhere, and you know it, don’t you? It’s now just all about how/when you end it. This will sound like a slap in the face, but he doesn’t love you either. It’s a manipulation tactic. In exactly the same way as I said to you previously that you don’t know him yet, so how can you know how you feel – he doesn’t know you either. He can be in lust, he can like what he knows so far, but love? You can’t love what you don’t know. Now there can be people who have been together theoretically the same amount of time as you two, but who have spent almost every waking moment together. They may well genuinely be in love. But being in love with a bunch of texts, some phone calls and the odd facetime? His texting when you are late is another sign of his controlling nature, and probably so is the obsessive cleanliness. He wants you to meet friends etc to weave you more firmly into his web. Your gut is speaking (literally!), so listen to it. Get out. Get out now. Feel the joy of being single and not having to fret about this stuff! You know this already – trust yourself.

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