Seriously, I’ve blown Someone New out for the last three occasions – about four weeks. We’ve not seen each other for so long, I’ve started to forget what he looks like, but every time we agree to meet up, something always gets in the way.
It’s either a writing client not paying on time, or I was having a particularly bad stomach day. One of them I think I had to work… Or washing machine dramas. This is getting ridiculous. We see each other just once a week and I still can’t seem to make that happen?
I really feel bad for the guy. He’s told me he’s basically in love with me now. Look:
I was honest with him. That was the right approach, right? That conversation I wanted to have with him face to face, the one I was planning on having with him before I blew him out the last two days, I was forced to have it right there and then. It made me really uncomfortable. I care about this guy, but I don’t think I love him. I am really disappointed by the fact I haven’t been able to see him, but at the same time, I’ve got a lot of writing work done, I’ve earned a lot of money, and I’ve gotten one step closer to being a successful full time freelance writer. Successful is the operative word here.
We’ve made another date for Saturday night, and I’m hoping and praying nothing comes up for that. I’m pretty sure he’d just ditch me there and then if I blew him out a fourth time in a row. I don’t blame him. But how do you try to express to someone how genuinely gutted you feel, when you can’t seem to get face to face with someone, and even catching each other’s phone calls is hard enough?
If this was the other way around, I’d be seriously blowing a fuse right now. Do you remember how fucking pissed off I used to get when Jock was blowing me out? If Someone New has half the rage I had back then, I feel truly very sorry for him. I know how gutting that feeling is – to get your hopes up and get yourself super-excited, only for something, anything to get in the way and fuck shit all up. I hate that. That is the exact reason why I don’t make regular plans. That any my crippling social anxiety.
I’m hoping, once I’ve worked the little bit of notice period I have left in the ‘day job’, I’ll have more time on my hands, and shit won’t come up like this all the time. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that happens, or I’m sure it’s going to wreck another relationship. This destroyed my relationship with Jock well before he fucked it all up. I was forever blowing him out and rearranging nights together. It was just funny that when I made an effort to stick to our plans, Jock used to mess them all around. I guess life just works a little funny sometimes.
I don’t know. I don’t even know what I want to say. Its like he doesn’t think I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to see him. Of course I was disappointed. I shaved my legs and everything, ready to hop on the bus and seduce the crap out of him. I hate it when I shave my legs for no reason. I really, really hate that.
It’s just a shit time. That’s what I keep telling myself. Keep calm, breathe on, and all that crap. In, out, it’ll soon be Saturday night, and fingers crossed, everything goes according to plan. I’m going to watch Fifty Shades of Grey with that man, and we are going to have mind-boggling sex afterwards.
Watch my period arrive now and fuck up my plans for seduction…
Just my luck.