I have had a very bad feeling about today from the moment I first opened my eyes. I don’t know how to explain it to you but I like to call it my female intuition. You know what I mean ladies – that overwhelming sense of dread you get right in the very pit of your stomach when you know something bad is going to happen that day.
I don’t know what it is. I woke up with no energy even though I’d slept for about 7 hours straight for once. I don’t want to talk to people. My phone has been going off and I can’t be bothered to message anyone back. I’m just not in a happy mood and I don’t want to socialise, and it’s hard enough knowing that I’ve got to go to work in a couple of hours (even though it is only for four hours).
I can’t focus on anything. I tried to make use of my free morning to get some writing stuff finished and I can’t seem to get cracking on it. I’m already smoking and it’s barely 11am. I want to call the gynae clinic to see if any results have come in yet but I only called on Monday and she told me to wait a week before I called back, if I hadn’t already heard from them. I know that no news is good news but this whole waiting game to find out whether or not my poor foof is going to get any better or a whole load worse is starting to really affect my chi.
I’m seriously overthinking this Someone New thing and he’s not making things any easier. He’s such a lovely guy but it’s all starting to get a bit too much for me. He’s friended my Pops on Facebook now, and apparently they’re having regular convo’s about me and bike-related stuff. He’s sent stuff to my work. He got a bit funny when I told him Number 42 was coming back to my place of work for a month. We’ve been honest about most things up until this point so I reckoned he should probably know that I was going to be working with the guy I’d fucked a couple months ago for the first time since the deed happened. He already knew we’d slept together. Plus he told me he was falling for me. He actually said that to me. I literally just slumped my face into my hands, that’s how exasperating this situation is for me.
At any other time in my life, this guy would have been EVERYTHING I was looking for. Yes, he’s a bit controlling but I’ve always wanted the guy that COULD control me, haven’t I? That’s what the attraction is between My Mr. Grey and I – he can control me with just the smallest touch or the sneakiest smile. I’ve always been looking for the Father-Figure, that’s why I’ve always liked older guys. He’s hot, he has eyes I CANNOT stop falling into, has a penis I could quite happily play with forever, isn’t too skinny, isn’t too fat, has the cutest little gut that I keep saying I like, has a laugh with me, teases me, has a good sense of style, a great sense of humour, can cook, is clean, doesn’t have money issues, doesn’t smoke, occasionally drinks, doesn’t take drugs but probably could be persuaded on special occasions, is tall and makes me feel protected, loves to cuddle, has the highest sex drive I’ve ever come across in a man, calls me beautiful every day, multiple times per day, and looks at me like he could just eat me up – his feisty, horny, beautiful little Smurf. Those are his words.
But somehow, despite all that, something is still not quite clicking into place.
I guess I’d best get ready for work really. Let’s hope my bad feeling was unjustified, eh?