Right men, you might not want to read this one. This post isn’t going to be pretty. It isn’t going to be attractive. It is going to make you squirm. In fact, it’s probably going to make a few girls squirm too. This is what happens once you have been diagnosed with High Grade Dyskaryosis, have a colposcopy and end up having LLETZ treatment – Large Loop Excision of the Transformation Zone. Also known as LOOP, it is invasive and pretty painful even though they say it won’t be. You can read more about the actual procedure here:
After LLETZ or LOOP treatment for those abnormal cells, life doesn’t go back to normal for a while. In fact, it can take up to four to six weeks for life to go back to complete normality. You can’t use tampons for four weeks, partake in any heavy lifting, have sex, go swimming, etc. You are likely to have some mild bleeding. It might make your next period heavier. It might also put you at an increased risk of miscarriage and will also increase the chances of you not being able to carry a pregnancy full term. It’s funny how those things weren’t explained to me before I had that procedure done. It wouldn’t have affected my answer any way – of course I would need to have it done. They have found precancerous cells on my cervix. Those bad-boys have gotta go. It would have been nice if they had told me that though, you know?
The sanitary towels are the worst. If, like me, you’ve never used a sanitary towel in your life, not only will you not have a clue which ones to buy, but you won’t really know how to use them. I don’t know how much red stuff there is meant to be before you change them. I also don’t know how come it doesn’t matter how big the towels are, red stuff always manages to end up on my underwear somewhere. Not being able to use tampons is killing me. I’m not a big pant kinda gal. Nor am I a sanitary towel one either. There’s no way you can’t see the outline of the towel if you take a closer look at my ass. I’m sure of it.
For the first few days after having the LLETZ treatment, I had no bleeding at all. I had some clear, slippery discharge tinged with a bit of brown (*sorry for the TMI – girls SHOULD talk about this stuff more!) but no blood. The next day I had a vomiting fit (caused by the bowel problems) dislodged something, a small scab appeared to fall out, and I had the tiniest bit of blood. I panicked, of course, but it soon stopped. At that point, because nothing else was happening (no discharge), I figured I could go without sanitary towels as they are very uncomfortable to wear and seem to agitate my bits. A LOT!
Then, four days after the treatment, I figured I would test the waters with a cheeky little play with myself. Don’t do this. I’m not sure if it was the contracting or the orgasm or whatever, but something happened up there and within ten minutes, I started bleeding. Now, I’m not sure if it was the orgasm that caused it, or my period (which would have arrived four days early – not due until Thursday), but I haven’t stopped bleeding and so far it’s been over 48 hours. Fresh, bright red blood. It doesn’t look like time of the month stuff, you know?
See, no one told me that. No one told me how long I would need to go before I could masturbate. I didn’t use a toy or anything because I’m not allowed to insert anything into my vagina for at least four weeks, but I thought it might be OK to ‘double click the mouse’, so to speak. I would advise against this ladies. Maybe leave it a week before you test the waters. For fucks sake.
See, I know what you’re asking. Why is she telling us all this stuff? I’m telling you this stuff because it’s all stuff I didn’t know. I thought I knew what was going to happen but in reality, I had no clue what was about to unfold in front of me, or the magnitude of it. Surely the fact that you can’t touch your nether regions for four weeks would tell you how serious this was? This is an actual operation to remove precancerous cells from the parts of you that are meant to give life, not take it. I won’t apologise for talking about the crap coming out of my nether regions because I don’t mean it. I wish someone would have told me these things before I went in and had that awful LLETZ procedure done. My foof is ruined. Bits have been taken out of it. It was fine before. I always liked my foof. I’m sad for my foof right now.
The thing that annoys me the most is that this whole scenario has been caused by that HPV virus. It’s a sexually transmitted infection. They don’t talk about how you’re going to feel once you find out you had that godawful virus in your body. From what I can work out, because medical professionals seem to be very reluctant to talk about it with me, all precancerous cells are caused by a strain of the HPV virus which many of us have without any symptoms. Some strains cause genital warts and herpes and some cause cancer. I think those are strains 16 and 18.
I don’t know if I have tested positive for HPV. That’s the scariest thing. I don’t know if it is something I can pass on to the man I sleep with. How long have I had HPV for, if I have tested positive for it? How many of the men in my past would I need to contact? Do I even need to contact them at all? When I asked the female doctor over the phone whether or not I had tested positive for it, she said if I had have been, it would be noted on the letter that told me about the high grade dyskaryosis. It didn’t, so she was sure I didn’t have it. She didn’t know though. She couldn’t answer the question.
When I went in for the colposcopy and LLETZ treatment, I asked the gynaecologist whether or not I would be HPV positive and he couldn’t answer the question either. I would be tested for it at my next smear and colposcopy examination in six months. So what does that mean for me now? I’m in a new relationship with my Someone New – is HPV something I can pass on to him? If I can, is it really worth me embarking on a new relationship all the time I’m going through this? It’s hardly fair on him, is it? Or myself for that matter. But that aside, why can’t anyone answer my questions? Do I have it? What does that mean for my sex life? Why is everyone being so vague? What’s going on here that I don’t know about? Am I being paranoid?
So for now (6 days after the LLETZ procedure), I’ve been bleeding heavily, solidly for over 48 hours although that could be down to an early period. I feel very under the weather, exhausted in fact. I have period pain like cramps that are so much worse than period pain cramps, and only strong, prescribed painkillers is getting rid of the pain and even then, only briefly.
Only three more weeks to go (hopefully) and life will be back to normal – no more bleeding, no more sex ban, no more weird pains. Maybe I’ll be lucky and it’ll mostly be over well before then? Oh and hope no bad biopsy results come back.
My body hates me right now.