So I felt that I would take a slightly different approach to this date. I’m going to give you an hour by hour rundown as it happens. A minute-taking, if you like, of my first date with Someone New. Now, I do appreciate that I’m putting this date on quite the pedestal but fuck it, good or bad, we’re doing this together.
So, this is me at 5:44pm. Our date was meant to have started somewhere around the 2/3pm mark but his meeting overran quite a bit so now we’re looking at meeting for around 6:30pm. In fact, maybe even later than that. What started out as a lunchtime coffee has now turned into evening drinks and a bite to eat. I can’t eat anything and I can’t drink with my antibiotics but at this point, I no longer give a shit. Plus, it’ll be tomorrow I’ll suffer and he won’t be around tomorrow so it won’t matter. I can be miserable by myself. Fuck my gut. Fuck my antibiotics too. I behave and I’m sick so I might as well misbehave and be sick… Right?
I got my nails done today. I also saw my counsellor for the first time today. The first of four sessions provided by work to try and get me back on my feet. I cried the whole time. He thinks I’m depressed and could benefit from some antidepressants. I’ll tell you where he can shove his poxy antidepressants. I’m going to fuck my way out of this slump. I’m so over being miserable. Not tonight though, never on a first date.
5:56pm – He’s having a nightmare with the trains in the Big City. I can see tonight not happening…
I’d be so annoyed! I’ve had a pretty decent day. I’m ready. I’m dressed. I‘m showered. I smell pretty. I bleached my hair yesterday. My nails look good. My makeup looks alright. I’m date-ready today. I worked hard, watching what I ate ALL WEEK and making sure I went to see my therapist, I deserve this fucking date! I made sure I wasn’t sick for this date. Please don’t let all that hard work go to waste. Please! Give me a fucking break.
5:59pm – Shit. What happens if I don’t like him? What happens if he doesn’t look how I think he looks? Or he smells funny? Or spits when he talks? I really hate dating you know.
6:24pm – Well I’ve not heard from in a while. Is the date still going ahead? Fuck the Big City and its rush hour traffic. We’ve decided on a pub for some food and a couple of glasses of wine perhaps. Again, fuck the antibiotics. Fuck my gut.
7:14pm – Oh my god he’s arriving at the destination in half an hour. I’m to meet him there. Train times, checked. I have fifteen minutes before I need to leave. I’m shitting myself. My insides are doing somersaults. I’m so nervous, it is beyond belief. Must remember not to get drunk. Must remember not to have more than one glass of wine because I’m on antibiotics. Must remember I have a hairy foof so no first date naughtiness. I literally can’t portray to you how nervous I am. I really like this guy. I really hope it goes to plan. I really hope he’s not a dick. I really hope he’s everything I think he’s going to be.
7:49pm – Fuck. Time to get off the train. I don’t know if I’m ready to do this.
8:17pm – He’s in the toilet. We’ve just got to the bar. We’ve ordered soft drinks. We’re going to have wine over dinner. Wow he’s super fit. Those eyes. I keep stumbling over my words. What a prick I’m being. Its time to order food. That means wine. Hopefully the wine will settle me. Maybe there is some chemistry? Maybe I’m just nervous.
9:52pm – He’s in the toilet again. I really like him. I’m also pretty pissed. Currently halfway through my second glass of wine. Went with the caesar salad though. It’s not like I can eat anything else. There is chemistry. Kinda wish I didn’t have morals and could have sex with him on the first night.
10:52pm – I’m home. I can’t talk right now. My head is all over the place.
11:40pm – He’s called me to thank me for a great evening already. That’s gotta be a good sign, right?
It’s now half past midnight. I’ve had a cup of tea and a cheeky smoke to try and stop my spinning head. I cannot stop thinking about him. I’m in so much trouble right now. This is the last thing I need. I’m actually depressed. I saw a counsellor today and he said I was depressed yet I managed to go on a first date with a guy I’m almost one hundred percent sure I’m going to fall in love with.
I knew this first date would be a formality. Our chat is far too good for there not to be chemistry there and when we walked to the station and I left him there, shit went down…
He held my hand on the way home. In fact he didn’t, I reached out and held his hand. He asked me a week or so ago if I were a hand-holder and I said I didn’t know. I’ve never really held hands with a guy before. Jock was too short for that. I can’t remember if Big Love and I held hands although the fact I don’t remember it would suggest we didn’t… I held his hand. Yep, I made that move. To be fair, he’d already done that over the table at dinner – our hands were in close proximity and before I knew it, he’d reached his hand out and grabbed mine. It felt as if I had just grabbed a ball of fire. The touch almost made me jump.
When I hugged him at the station, a really nervous, awkward hug, it reminded me of that very first hug when we met at the beginning of the night. Clunky, awkward and actually kinda heart warming. It became very evident that we were both as nervous as each other. I bet we looked really cute. Another thing that became very evident was how much we really wanted each other. I couldn’t keep my shit together, and I definitely couldn’t look at him in the face. That’s how I know I really like someone. I can’t look at them in the eyes.
I ran to the bathroom a bit later on, and he sent me a cheeky text message: “You’ve got a really nice bum!”
I went to the bathroom twice and both times I ran back down the stairs towards him, I noticed that he was actually turned around to watch me return. Do you know how good that feels? To look at someone and make eye contact as you realise he has turned himself around in his chair to look for you. That’s not something that happens with many guys. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had that with any guy.
He asked me why I wore I ring on my ‘ring finger’ and I decided to be honest with him – “OK, I lost weight. I’m blonde, I have boobs, a booty and big blue eyes. I get hit on a lot now. It’s something I’m really not used to. I just tell them I’m engaged and it gets rid of most of them.”
He told me as we walked home that he knew what I meant. Apparently when I went to the bathroom, he noticed that many of the guys in the bar were looking at me. As we walked to the station, we passed a group of guys and he told me that every single one of them had watched me walk past. I don’t see this, of course. In my head I’m still the fat girl and it’s a regular topic of conversation between Bestie and I. He’s forever telling me about guys that are checking me out in public, guys I am completely oblivious to. Just like I was oblivious to the guys in the bar last night – because I was so completely enthralled by the beautiful man with the dangerous big blue eyes and adorably long eye lashes in front of me, I didn’t even notice anyone else.
Back at the station, and that clunky hug that felt oh so good…. I moved to look at him and he turned to look at me. He leaned in. I leaned up. The kiss happened. On date one! The shock! The horror! 😉
No tongues. It was just the first date after all, but it was still a kiss. A proper kiss. It was the perfect first date kiss. There was a lean, his arms were around my waist, mine around his shoulders. It was much briefer than I wanted but just enough. I walked away and shouted “Good night” behind me and I walked to the station without looking back once. It was the coolest move I’d ever played. I was so proud of myself! I knew he’d be watching me go. And within a minute he had sent me this – “Is it wrong I wanna bring you back and kiss you?” This was closely followed by “You’re even better than I expected” and “You’re beautiful”.
Maybe this guy is my post breakup ego-booster? Perhaps that’s all it is? Whatever it is, there is seriously something there and I want a little more of it. Fuck waiting until the fourth date. This is a definite third date situation. And if I’m totally honest, I don’t even want to wait that long but I will because I’m a lady.
So there we are. First date done. My Someone New was every bit as enticing as I had hoped. What were the chances?