I’m in that place again. That place where I can’t think straight or gather my thoughts for long enough to write them down. My head has been clouded over by my Someone New and I’m going to be honest with you, I’m absolutely loving every moment of it.
Naughty with just the right amount of nice, he has awoken every sense in me. We haven’t stopped talking. We’ve moved onto actual voice to voice contact now. We spent most of last night on the phone, him building furniture for his new house and me daydreaming, getting lost in the sound of his voice. I think we may be back here again ladies and gentlemen….
I think this might actually be something.
He told me I was too perfect for him and he was always trying to find the catch. I told him I was trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. I can’t help but think this might be a bad idea. It’s so soon after Jock isn’t it? Or is it? Surely I’ve grieved for him enough? It’s not like he had any respect for me at the end of our relationship. He was dating again before I’d even found out we had broken up!
I’m trying to be reserved with my feelings, I’m trying to hold back but I can’t. I don’t even think I want to. Irrespective of how long it lasts, or what may happen along the way, surely I’m overdue a few smiles and some fun times with someone that gives me butterflies? Is it really so wrong to get a little carried away, already nervous for the first night sleepover nerves that I’m pretty sure will happen? We’ve had a sneaky little insight into each other’s sexual minds even though we haven’t even met yet (and he’s trying to be every inch the perfect gentleman), and from what I’ve seen so far, I’m pretty sure we’re on the same page. He told me he liked texture and wanted to start with silk scarves and feathers. I’m sure you’re already aware of my sexual association with the texture of various materials – rope, velvet, glass, metal, silk, feathers….
Its like he’s saying all the things I want him to say. He’s giving me just the right amount of sex to keep me interested, but not so much that I’m thinking it’s too soon, kinda gross, and overwhelming.
We send each other cute selfies throughout the day and there’s not one thing about him I can say I don’t like. His selfies make me smile and not just a little smile, a big, beaming, cheesy grin that spreads right across my face. He told me I was beautiful and he liked my dimples. And then he said one sentence that flashed a great big warning across my daydreams:
“A guy who, from how things are so far, wants to be your guy”
We’ve been talking less than a week. Admittedly it’s been almost every minute of every day so far, and neither of us can wait for the other to text back. I’ve noticed that my ticks are blue right away whenever I send him a message. He’s actually sat with the screen open, waiting for me to text back. Do you have any idea how good that feels? Especially after how difficult the communication became with Jock towards the end. This Someone New loves to talk with great long messages, and it’s surprisingly refreshing.
Fuck. Here we go again. I know I get attached a lot… and quickly. But seriously, you know when you just know you’re going to really like this person? That’s how I feel right now. I really like this person. His personality is so beautiful, his sense of humour so funny, his heart so big, it shines through in his cute little texts, rambling phone calls and silly little selfies. His positivity is infectious, I’m infected! I’m sat smiling as I write this and just between you and I, when I went to bed last night and fantasised about what it would be like to be in bed with him, I had a really great time! 😉
Do you know what’s really interesting? I said pretty much the same exact things about Jock just a couple of days after chatting to him and I was right about him – he was going to be trouble for me, he did make me fall helplessly in love with him, and he did break my heart.
Jock gives me butterflies. I find myself looking for his texts. We’ve been talking for two days. This is bad. Very bad.
He’s getting hotter and hotter. Seriously, he’s just ticking all of my boxes.
Actually, now I’ve looked a little closer, I didn’t feel the same about him. I couldn’t wait to get Jock into bed and it’s not the same with my Someone New. I should really find a name for him soon.
With him, I’m not in a rush to get him into bed although I’m sure we are going to have NO problems when we get there. I’m so excited to just meet him, hang out with him, be in his company. Is that weird? I genuinely just want to be around him. We’ve done the phone call now and his voice was just… mesmerising. I have a big thing about voices, don’t I?
He told me he’d get really nervous about meeting me for the first time and he’ll probably just go blank and not be able to get words out. I suggested a Skype call before we actually meet. What a great idea, right? I’ll obviously do my hair and makeup beforehand. I don’t want him to see me looking a right skank. But we’ll have a Skype first date because then it would be face to face and he wouldn’t have to worry about clamming up when we do meet. Perfection.
Oh he told me something else too. When I’d told him I was trying to figure out what was wrong with him, he told me there was something. After a bit of back and forth, him being too nervous and me telling him he had nothing to worry about, he eventually told me. His penis has a bend in it and one of the girls he had tried to date had felt it, laughed and just left. He was self-conscious about it, I couldn’t help but giggle at him. I thought about telling him about my scars. But then I realised, I don’t need to tell him. They have faded a lot now and I don’t notice them quite so much. Maybe he won’t notice them? And if he does, we’ll have that conversation then. What’s the point in making a big deal about it if I don’t need to?
All of a sudden, life doesn’t feel quite so shit. It doesn’t feel like I’m going over a breakup. In actual fact, it hasn’t felt like that for a while. I’m excited, thinking positive, looking forward. Maybe it is too soon? Maybe I’m not really over Jock yet. Maybe my Someone New isn’t as great as I’ve made him out to be. Who cares? It’s gonna be fun finding out, right? 😉