I did it. Two minutes before Jock’s birthday, 11:58pm, I blocked them both. I did it. That was it. The last link…. severed.
I didn’t cry. I just sat at my desk, head resting on my hands, staring at the computer screen for about fifteen minutes. Realisation, I think. It’s over.
I didn’t cry when I got into bed. I didn’t cry in bed. I didn’t cry when I woke up this morning. Well, I did cry but for an entirely different reason.
I DON’T HAVE CANCER!
After a shaky start (and for about 11 minutes, it genuinely looked as if I did have cancer resulting in a MASSIVE meltdown on the phone to my poor mother), it turns out the polyp they removed didn’t contain cancerous cells but there are a couple of things they want to keep a closer eye on so I’ll be scheduled for follow up colonoscopies every five years.
The bad news is I have another infection and are on the biggest antibiotics I’ve ever seen in my life. Plus an urgent (within two weeks) referral to the Gastro-department of my local hospital. Finally ladies and gentlemen, we appear to be getting somewhere.
I don’t have cancer. I don’t. What the hell am I playing at? Spending my time pining for some guy? What’s the point in that? There are so many more men out there. There are so many more new things for me to explore. This could have gone so differently. Imagine if it had been bad news. I’m not living my life to the full staying in my house and not showering because another guy broke my heart. Na uh. I ain’t that girl. So I’m not gonna be.
Today was a day that changed things for me. I’m not sure and I’m not sure why but it has. Watch this space. I had an epiphany! 😉