Hope All Works Out. I Was Sad We Didn’t.

I emailed him. What an absolute twat. I sent him an email with no subject, no words in the body, just a single photo – the photo of his reference. He text me back within minutes asking if I’d still be a reference for him. Was he fucking kidding me?

Apparently he’d never read that last email I sent which is utter bullshit. Apparently he broke up with me after I hung up on him because that told him all he needed to know about what I thought about “us”. He had worked a 12 hour shift, smashed his interview straight after, and was calling to say that he had good news for “us” and I started a fight and hung up on him. Twice.

“But of course you did nothing wrong. As usual.”

“But of course your life is more important.”

“But you ruined it.”

That was the torrent of crap he hurled at me in the brief conversation that followed. I asked him why he had just started dating again without even having the balls or respect to break up with me and apparently, that was my fault because I’d hung up on him. It was all my fault.

He still hasn’t asked how my health is. He hasn’t replied to my last message. Brief yet to the point – “Hope all works out. I was sad we didn’t.” I didn’t know what else to say to him. He’s never going to see things from my point of view. What’s the point in even trying? I can’t continue this conversation with him because the fairytale has broken. We’re never going to get the happy-ever-after I thought we were going to have. I won’t be able to get over the Ex and the kid, the way he treated me when he ‘forgot’ to tell me we were broken up. I’m never going to look at him the same way again. He’s not going to be the guy that won’t break my heart, he’s going to be the guy that almost did. He’s going to be the guy that started dating before we broke up, that probably fucked someone else, that was chatting up other women… He’s not MY Beautiful Tattooed Jock anymore. He’s just another guy.

This breakup is fucking brutal. Maybe now it’s done? Maybe now I’ll stop pining for him like the whiny little bitch I’ve become? My heart hurts.

4 thoughts on “Hope All Works Out. I Was Sad We Didn’t.

  1. The twat never deserved you and has quite skilfully managed to make you think it was all somehow your fault. He is not a man, he is a stain on humanity.

    Grieve for what you’ve lost, it was real and it mattered, then work out what you’ve learnt and move on. Sending you a big hug. Sorry you’re hurting. xxx

  2. I’m in the denial phase still I think. He’ll come running back, we’ll get back together, life will be perfect… But it’s not going to end like that. I’m not stupid enough to believe it. Just waiting for the phase to pass. Just wish it would pass faster xo

  3. At the very beginning, when you first met him and he was fast-forwarding you, I briefly wondered if he was a narcissist. But I told myself I was reading too much into things, that my own experience was making me too suspicious. Eventually I just thought he was a manipulative lazy twat. The way he’s making you to blame for everything makes me think I was right in the beginning.

  4. I read this the other day, and figured it all out for myself:
    “People don’t get how disordered a narcissist is; how badly the narcissist messes with your head. We won’t listen when you just tell us to ‘get over it’. This is deeper than your normal end of relationship process because this wasn’t a normal relationship; it was a hit and run. These people murder a part of your soul and then leave the scene of the crime and blame you for it”
    How very apt?

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