I couldn’t just keep my mouth shut could I? Couldn’t have just left it at that. I had to keep going, keep ranting, keep sending text messages.
“You know, if you had even bothered to ask how my health was, I’d have done that reference for you. And if you’d have spent half the time communicating with me as you spend on POF, this would never have happened. You said you were always busy, tired, and never had time. It’s funny how you find time when its not for me. I’m not starting a fight and I don’t imagine you’ll even respond again, but you spent that entire conversation telling me how much of an asshole I was and how much I ruined it, and I don’t think that’s very fair. I put up with more than enough shit and didn’t complain about it. I was just gonna do that reference just like I was gonna pay your parking ticket, and I did sort out your job. But at the same time, it feels like I did enough for you and that wasn’t take into consideration when I had a couple of rough months and really needed support. I supported you through everything. When you thought you’d lost your license and your job, when you were skint, when you needed taking care of when you were sick. I just thought you’d have shown me the same support back rather than going behind my back and hopping straight into other women.”
An hour and nineteen minutes later when he STILL hadn’t responded to me, I saw red. I was furious. I sent another text because at this point, I’d pretty much lost my mind:
“Your silence says everything. Just so you know, I never did and I never would have given up on you. I still had faith even at the end. Thank you for a wonderful year and a half. This ending has been simply awful. I’ll leave you to it. Take care.”
It literally blows my mind how stupid I get about guys like this. I know he’s bad for me. I know this. I know he’s not supporting me, he’s not helping me, he’s bringing out the worst in me yet still I fucking care! What the hell is wrong with me? Why can I not let this guy go? What is it about him that I find so fucking amazing that I can’t cut all ties? I wish someone would just take control of my life. Just for a little while. Just so I don’t fuck up and make any more stupid decisions. Clearly I have the worst taste in men. Clearly I can’t learn when to just let go. For fucks sake, I’m 28 years old and I still don’t know how to live like a real adult.
So how do I do this? How do I get over him? Help me!