Jock invited me to go a theme park on Sunday. It was his step-daughter’s birthday. We had already discussed me meeting the daughter and her batshit crazy mother and to be honest, I thought I’d be able to put it off for longer than this but apparently not.
Anyway, I couldn’t go because I was covering a shift for a work colleague but despite that, I wouldn’t have gone anyway. Do you know why? Let me fucking tell you.
My birthday was in June and for the event, I wanted my closest friends and some of my family to go to one of the bigger theme parks here. Jock categorically said no, despite all of my friends and relatives agreeing to come and even going as far as trying to arrange mass transport for us all. He point blank refused to go because he doesn’t like theme parks, and he doesn’t like the rides in them either. I didn’t really want birthday celebrations without him. He was my boyfriend and all. Plus other things ended up getting in the way. That’s not the point. That was weeks later.
Would you please like to tell me how a twat can refuse to go to the theme park for my birthday just a couple of months ago, yet it’s OK for him to invite me to a theme park for his daughter’s birthday? How fucking double-standard.
I stewed on it for a couple of days until this morning. I woke up in the foulest mood and I let all of my rage go in one staggering message to him:
“I’m trying to find out at what point I give up on a relationship that clearly isn’t going anywhere fast. You’re a hypocrite. You’re a hypocrite and an asshole. Refusing to go to the theme park with your girlfriend for her birthday and then inviting her to go with your ex and her daughter just a couple of months later is a tosser move and it just goes to show how little you’d actually do for me. Yet for them, anything on earth. I know that your kid will always be the most important person in your life but I’m so sick of this bullshit. And you had the nerve to say ‘whatever’ to me last night when I mentioned exactly that? Fuck off. That’s appalling behavior to expect your girlfriend to just deal with, and what makes it worse is that I’m not allowed to get angry about ANYTHING. You never let me. You just tell me ‘shut up and put up’ or ‘I’ll sort it’ and you never actually sort anything. At what point do I stop being a mug here? Next time I invited you somewhere and you say no, only to go a couple of months later because someone else asked you?
What makes it worse is you didn’t even get me a fucking birthday present!”
What I didn’t expect was the reply…
“If you think it’s that bad then don’t be in it”
I had nothing else to say to that. Nothing else at all. So I didn’t I said “Fine.”
I think this means we’re breaking up.
I don’t want to break up with him. I don’t want him not to be in my life anymore. But I deserve so much better than this, don’t I? Things have been shit recently. I’m always working or he’s always skint. If I don’t pay for it, it doesn’t happen, so it means we rarely do anything as an actual couple. He took out that loan to sort his car situation out and pay/not pay for his ex and her daughter to go to Disneyland, depending on what story you choose to believe. I think that loan is crippling him with the repayment amounts. He got a parking ticket back in July and he still hasn’t paid it. What infuriates me even more than his bad admin and shit sense of money-handling, is the fact that I offered to pay for the fucking parking ticket on the day that he actually got it and he point blank refused. What the fuck Jock? Come on!?
I’m basically in a relationship with a child. All those comments on my blog over the last few months – they’re all true, aren’t they? He is a child. He doesn’t want the responsibility of a real grown-up relationship with kids and marriage and all that bullshit. That’s not the kinda guy he is. He’s a guy that drags his heels and never gets anything done and I’m sorry, but I don’t want to waste any more time on something that isn’t going to go my way. I know that his step-daughter means the world to him but I can’t deal with it. I can’t deal with all the shit that goes along with it. I didn’t sign up for all of that. I knew he had a daughter. What I didn’t know is how double-standard everything would be. How double-standard he would be. If a guy so much as thinks about looking in my direction, he goes all silverback gorilla on me, yet when I bitch that his ex is ruining our plans, our future, and he’s being a fucking moron by letting her, it’s not OK. I’m not allowed to bitch and moan. I’m a woman. What did he fucking expect?
He hasn’t messaged me back since then. I feel bad for having this fight by text but I genuinely can’t put up with it anymore. It’s not OK to treat me like this. I’ve been through enough shit. Lesson learned perhaps? Guys + kids = not good for me.
All over a fucking trip to the theme park.