Please Catch Up.

We had a chat today, Jock and I. I told him that I was sick of waiting. I was sick of waiting for him to catch up to where I was. How I was sorting my shit out and getting out of debt, trying to start to create us a life together. A life where we live together in a pretty little house, with a pretty little bulldog, and a pretty little baby boy. Or girl. Either really. I’d love a boy though. Although I would like to dress up a little girl all cute and stuff. I guess I don’t really care.

I just want a baby.

I don’t really believe how quick this has all happened to me. I went from no-baby to baby-me-up-right-this-fucking-second in less than 6 months. That’s all it took for Jock to steal my heart and whisk me off my feet. I guess when you know, you know. That bullshit is all true. With him, I know. His grey hair and fat belly – we shouldn’t work on the outside. But on the inside, although it’s been shitty recently, it does work. He does make me happy… most of the time. Well, perhaps not so much recently but he does. We can all see that… Can’t we?

I go back to one point left by Karen on my last blog post – she doesn’t see the good stuff so maybe all everybody reads is the bad. After looking back I realised that I don’t write enough about the good stuff. I briefly mentioned our sex last time but honestly, it was pretty mind-blowing. I was riding him, rocking back and forth. I remember him playing with my nipples. I remember it feeling sensational. I remember watching his eyes roll into the back of his head as he came, and feel the strength of his fists as they grasped around my thighs. When did I stop talking about our sex? I used to talk about our sex all the time. When did it become oh so ‘normal’?

I’ve got the Sex And The City movie on as background noise while I try and make my way through a pile of work that has found itself on my desk – the scene where Big just grabs Carrie and kisses her on the balcony. I want that. I want to be able to jump his bones whenever I want. I’m sick of only being able to see him once a week, if that, and if then only for a day or so at a time. We don’t see each other enough and when we don’t see each other, we start to fight. I want us to move in together. We are so far away from that.

My Mr. Grey has been back on the scene a lot recently. He keeps popping up. I’ve put some pretty cool ‘selfie’s’ on Facebook recently – you know the ones… The ones where you think you look really super cool and beautiful? Well, he’s privately messaged me to tell me how beautiful I am after each and every one of them. You remember what he said after the Fifty Shades Of Grey trailer, right?

Why does he do this? He has this funny way of popping up when I’m not having a great time in my relationship. He pops up and then he seduces me with the idea of great sex and a happy ever after I’m never gonna get. Not from him anyway. Apparently not from Jock either.

My head’s all over the place right now. I’m torn. How long is it gonna take for him to catch up with me? Everything is seemingly fabulous so what’s up with this? Why can’t we seem to get this right? I’m always waiting for him or he’s waiting for me. When did we stop being on the same wavelength? When did it all get so complicated? What happened to the days when I was just content to sit on the couch and rest my head on his tummy? What happened to the days when we used to spend all day in bed, touching, nibbling, kissing, sucking… Just for no reason whatsoever? When did that stop happening to us? Is it just something that happens after a while with every guy? The flirting goes? The touching stops? Everything becomes a little routine?

Have we become a little routine?

3 thoughts on “Please Catch Up.

  1. I’m single so obviously I don’t have all the answers. That teenage feeling is great…then real life kicks in so much messier. Having kids…as a guy…terrifying….the responsibility, finances…it isn’t the wife thing…many guys like that idea. But having kids…incredible financial responsibility and sometimes a boner killer. Still that said…I’ve told you before I think…women have a tendency to turn on the gas right when we want them to coast… One little thing though… spontaneous BJs. Women forget about that…they want date night…they want to talk…they want to work things out….us…we’re just terrified about mortgages, kids, retirement, job, healthcare…. we get our ass kicked at work… it may sound cold…but when we get home….we’d rather you not talk but do something else with your mouth… trust me, we are thinking about you… and it will come back to you. Still…if you can’t be together but one day a week….that’s something you have to figure out… my two cents…

    • I get all of what you’re saying but Jock is the one that initiated all of this. He ‘massaged’ my thoughts about having children – he’s even admitted as much. The marriage thing is also something that he brings up regularly – ‘When we get married…” or “One day when you’re my wife…” He’s always dropping stuff like that in conversation. Plus he told me to pick out a ring on my birthday! I was perfectly happy just coasting.
      And as for random BJ’s, he gets more than his fair share of those, trust me! I know I’m a pain in the ass but I AM a good partner. I DO sit around for him, I DO suck on demand for him, I DO cook his dinners and do his laundry and help him with his cars. I’m not perfect but I am open to a lot – I’m willing to evolve in a relationship.
      He needs to catch up with the ideas that HE planted. You know??

      • You seem like a great girlfriend especially on the physical level. Can’t imagine any guy would have any right to complain-swallow, spontaneous bjs, occasional anal…you are 3 for 3 on the things guys think about for longterm gals. From what you say, I’d think yeah, he’s into you…wants to marry you. Most guys don’t drop those hints unless they mean it. There are 15% that are I love you, I love you, I love you, oh, I found someone else….but I don’t get that impression from the things you mention. My impression on what you relay is just some commitment issue…not in the monogamous sense really…just in the relationship sense…in seeing it through. For guys, this is complicated and not exactly our nature. The kids issue is the thing that makes it sooooo complicated. We know when our girl has that itch…and it sends us spiraling in life…thinking about all the consequences….trying to have a plan…sometimes just ending up a funk…not moving from the pressure of it all. Agreed, he needs to step up, and you have a right to apply pressure…women need to marry by 31, it’s not fair, but it is true. I’m just saying…sometimes, laying off the pressure…even if you don’t say it, even when you think it, we feel it and it can be overwhelming. he may just need a breath. You aren’t crazy….men are from mars, women are from venus…yada yada yada…

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