It’s my blogs second birthday today. I’m not in the best of moods to be honest, and the only reason I know that it’s my blog’s 2nd birthday is because WordPress told me. Cheers for that!
I’m pissed off today. It’s raining for the first time in ages. It was summer yesterday. It’s winter today. I literally woke up and felt like we had fast-forwarded four months. It was awful. I got wet on the way to work, I didn’t really want to be at work in the first place, and then Jock dropped that lovely little bombshell… he wasn’t going to be picking me up from work.
Apparently I must have had that conversation in my head, but I’m sure we agreed that he would be picking me up from work today. I shaved my legs this morning for a reason. I wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t coming. I’m so lazy, I was almost starting to look a bit like a yeti. Anyway, he wasn’t coming. The guy that was meant to have been looking at his car isn’t coming until tomorrow, and he’s housesitting for his mate. This made me laugh because five minutes ago I saw on Facebook that they were on their way home and probably wouldn’t be that long. So the fucker lied? He’s not house sitting tonight at all.
The way my work schedules have panned out, tonight was the only time we had to see each other for yet again, another week. So that’s another set of his days off that we won’t be seeing each other. We were fighting last week too. And the week before that was the Summer Ball and we all remember how that worked out for me.
Am I even a factor in his life anymore? He seems intent on ruining the time we can have together with stupid fights and petty excuses. House sitting for a friend, paying for his ex to go away on vacation with his step-daughter… You know how it is. Christ, what else is gonna happen? It’s been shit after shit after shit and I’m starting to get fed up with it all. At what point am I allowed to just hold my hands up and say “You know what, this has lost it’s appeal. There’s nothing here anymore!”
When we’re together it’s fabulous but we seem to have the hardest time getting together and that is half of our problem. A while back I told him I wanted to sort us settling down and starting a family in the next few years and he whole-heartedly agreed. So what did he do? Agree to pay for his ex to go away on holiday, get himself even further into debt, and decide to buy a new car because his was apparently ‘fucked’.
We seem so far away from the end goal that I had in mind. It’s gonna be years before we can afford to move in together. It’s gonna be years before he is even out of debt and to be honest, I’m pretty sure we should start with that first. Can you imagine how long it is going to take us to get engaged… or married? God I’m never gonna have kids…
I really miss him too which super sucks for me. I hate it when I miss him. I’ve normally got so much going on that I don’t have the chance to miss him. But I am genuinely sad. Genuinely sad. Sigh.
Life just isn’t going in the right direction for me at all right now. I’m broke, busting my balls, trying to live my life. I’m also trying to work part time, have a social life, fit in a boyfriend, write a blog, write a book, take care of my incompetent family, and more! Surely something has gotta go right soon?
Despite the petty shit, I’m happy. I’m happy because two years later, I’m finally finding some peace with myself. I’ve lost weight, I’ve mellowed the fuck out, and I’m definitely not the stroppy, immature bitch I was back then. And some of you have been around since the very beginning too. Thanks for that! You’ll never know how much it means to me.