Happy 2nd Birthday!

It’s my blogs second birthday today. I’m not in the best of moods to be honest, and the only reason I know that it’s my blog’s 2nd birthday is because WordPress told me. Cheers for that!

I’m pissed off today. It’s raining for the first time in ages. It was summer yesterday. It’s winter today. I literally woke up and felt like we had fast-forwarded four months. It was awful. I got wet on the way to work, I didn’t really want to be at work in the first place, and then Jock dropped that lovely little bombshell… he wasn’t going to be picking me up from work.

Apparently I must have had that conversation in my head, but I’m sure we agreed that he would be picking me up from work today. I shaved my legs this morning for a reason. I wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t coming. I’m so lazy, I was almost starting to look a bit like a yeti. Anyway, he wasn’t coming. The guy that was meant to have been looking at his car isn’t coming until tomorrow, and he’s housesitting for his mate. This made me laugh because five minutes ago I saw on Facebook that they were on their way home and probably wouldn’t be that long. So the fucker lied? He’s not house sitting tonight at all.

The way my work schedules have panned out, tonight was the only time we had to see each other for yet again, another week. So that’s another set of his days off that we won’t be seeing each other. We were fighting last week too. And the week before that was the Summer Ball and we all remember how that worked out for me.

Am I even a factor in his life anymore? He seems intent on ruining the time we can have together with stupid fights and petty excuses. House sitting for a friend, paying for his ex to go away on vacation with his step-daughter… You know how it is. Christ, what else is gonna happen? It’s been shit after shit after shit and I’m starting to get fed up with it all. At what point am I allowed to just hold my hands up and say “You know what, this has lost it’s appeal. There’s nothing here anymore!

When we’re together it’s fabulous but we seem to have the hardest time getting together and that is half of our problem. A while back I told him I wanted to sort us settling down and starting a family in the next few years and he whole-heartedly agreed. So what did he do? Agree to pay for his ex to go away on holiday, get himself even further into debt, and decide to buy a new car because his was apparently ‘fucked’.

We seem so far away from the end goal that I had in mind. It’s gonna be years before we can afford to move in together. It’s gonna be years before he is even out of debt and to be honest, I’m pretty sure we should start with that first. Can you imagine how long it is going to take us to get engaged… or married? God I’m never gonna have kids…

I really miss him too which super sucks for me. I hate it when I miss him. I’ve normally got so much going on that I don’t have the chance to miss him. But I am genuinely sad. Genuinely sad. Sigh.

Life just isn’t going in the right direction for me at all right now. I’m broke, busting my balls, trying to live my life. I’m also trying to work part time, have a social life, fit in a boyfriend, write a blog, write a book, take care of my incompetent family, and more! Surely something has gotta go right soon?

Despite the petty shit, I’m happy. I’m happy because two years later, I’m finally finding some peace with myself. I’ve lost weight, I’ve mellowed the fuck out, and I’m definitely not the stroppy, immature bitch I was back then. And some of you have been around since the very beginning too. Thanks for that! You’ll never know how much it means to me. 

So yeah, happy 2nd birthday blog! You’ve made me so happy! ❤

4 thoughts on “Happy 2nd Birthday!

  1. Yikes. Sorry going so rough. I always feel a clear picture when I read your stuff. I’m sure he has his side too, but you do sort of highlight the telltale signs of certain problems. He obviously has some commitment, maturity, responsibility, and maybe real intimacy issues and it seems like there is always that connection his ex has over him. Anyway, I’m an emotionally aware guy, and I’ve certainly seen all these things in buddies. I’m sure I’ve displayed a few of them in lesser degrees myself. You are obviously hot to him…and you like being together when you are together…but he’s always trying to find an out. That could be a real major issue. The EX filled some need that you aren’t…have no idea what this is…does she mother him, he gets to feel like a father without the full responsibility, does she manipulate some weird Achilles heel of his. Who knows…but when I read your comments…I guess other than affirming something is wrong him on the those serious relationship subjects…perhaps I just thought…hmm, maybe you are playing a small part in the problem. As a guy, when things are rocky, we want the girl to let up on the gas. Girls, on the other hand, put the metal down and start escalating the seriousness of the relationship’s future…kids, marriage. It has the effect of sending guys for the hills, and I’ve been there. Anyway, if things are really wrong, you have a right to lay down the law, just be cautious, if your lives are rocky from external factors, putting the metal down will only make it worse. I also warn young women don’t stay with douchebag that won’t marry you until you are 29. It is a huge mistake…find that nice guy who does want to marry you. Anyway, hope it works out…

    • He says he wants to marry me now. He calls me ‘the one’ every day. This is the thing – he says all the right things but when it comes to doing the right things, it goes all outta whack. I can’t work out if he’s just a dickhead, or if he has the best intentions and things just go a little wrong along the way….

      He won’t marry me, or propose, until I’m divorced. I’m trying to get that done… It’s just tracking the fucker down that’s proving difficult. I get the impression he’s going to make life hard just because he can – he’s that kinda guy.

      I know I give Jock a hard time sometimes, but he is like a child and he even admits as much himself… he needs a kick up the backside. How much kicking am I meant to do though? 😦

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s