Honestly, Jock can be such a fucking idiot sometimes, I can’t even believe how much of a dumbass he is. Despite the fact that I pretty much hung up on him after he told me he was borrowing money to pay for his ex to go away with her daughter, and didn’t talk to him for two days afterwards, he still didn’t quite get I was pissed off.
I went through the whole list – I said “fine“, I gave him one-word answers, I ignored his messages and phone calls. Still he didn’t get it. He didn’t get that I was pissed off.
Honestly, what a twat.
This morning I got the hump. I decided to email him. You know the drill…
I know you don’t get why I’m annoyed, and to be honest, that’s probably half of the problem here. Let me put it simply…
Three weeks ago we had a conversation where we agreed that we were gonna get you out of debt so that we could start planning for the “future”. I even ordered packs for you, and got as much info as I could to try and help you.
A week ago, you invited me to a ball and fucked me off for the entire night. Literally fucked me off. I found you hanging off your friend’s wife at three in the morning. We didn’t even get a photo together. We didn’t even have a drink together. You even admitted that you probably wouldn’t have noticed if I’d have left. You got plastered and made a food out of yourself. And me.
Still pissed off about the weekend, night and anniversary that got kinda ruined, you threw another bombshell on top of everything – not only are you borrowing money again, but you’re paying for your Ex to go on holiday?!?!
I’m not sure how you thought I would be OK with this. I understand you paying for your stepdaughter to go on holiday, and the whole point of me asking you how much you would need to send her was so that I could help you out. I never, ever have a problem with you doing stuff for your stepdaughter, and I just wanna get that out of the way now. This is NOTHING to do with her. I really don’t understand why you need to pay for your Ex.
Sorry, let me rephrase that – you guys aren’t together anymore so why are YOU borrowing money to pay for her to go on holiday?!
Right now it feels like I’m bottom of the barrel when it comes to your decision making. And you knew that I’d be pissed when you told me too, especially after the shit show of a weekend. That’s what makes it worse. You were going to find out what I think about the loan, etc? Of course I think it’s a bad idea. You knew exactly what I’d say. But it doesn’t matter because you’re going to do what you need to do anyway, and all that’s gonna happen here is a fight over your Ex again, which I’m getting a bit sick of to be honest.
At what point am I allowed to not be OK with this shit? I wasn’t even allowed to be upset about Friday night and the ball!!! So far, and up until this point, you’ve called me unreasonable about everything to do with your Ex. I don’t think I am being unreasonable. I think this has been a year of shit on top of shit, and aside from the odd fight, I’ve really tried not to let this stuff bug me. But it is.
You didn’t even get me an anniversary card. Yet you’re paying for your ex-fiancee to go on holiday? Sorry, borrowing money to pay for your ex-fiancee to go away. I understand your stepdaughter. I totally understand that. I’d even help you out and lend you money for her. But this is now taking the piss.
On top of this, you decide to tell me that because you are borrowing money, you’re going to need to work more shifts. I know that you need the money and I’m trying not to let it bother me but look at this from my point of view – you’re borrowing money to pay for your Ex to go on holiday, and in order to pay it back, you’re gonna have less time off which means we’ll see each other even less. What the fuck?!
I know nothing I say is going to make much of a difference. I just think you should know why I’m pissed off. You do what you need to do but I don’t want to hear anything about it. I’m so sick of being called unreasonable when in reality, you’re the only person that thinks I am. I think you need to figure out your priorities here. Just imagine how fucking shitty you would feel if I was to borrow money to send one of my exes away on holiday, plus reduce the time I get to spend with you in order to pay the money back.
It took him a while but he finally emailed back. It was to the point I guess.
I understand ur frustration
I do and will always love u
So there you have it. He’s apologised and I’m not allowed to be pissed anymore. Except I am. And he didn’t actually apologise. I invited him to come to mine this evening but he said no. He was selling his car to buy another one, but he wouldn’t get the other one until tomorrow. With work commitments, today is the last day I’m around for about a week, and he’s back to work tomorrow night anyway. So that’ll be another week or so until we see each other. But no, he sold his car instead. Sometimes I genuinely don’t understand what goes through his head. Genuinely.
We’ve gone back to not talking again. It seems simpler for the time being. Clearly neither of us are really ready to back down yet.
I’m starting to lose faith here. I’m starting to lose the fight. What’s happening?