I should have posted this last night but got interrupted… Jock turned up unexpectedly early!

I gotta be quick and to the point here. Jock is on his way over, and don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy about that, but today I learned a few things. And I didn’t like what I learned at all.

I happen to be friends still with the Big Love’s aunt on Facebook, and happened across some pictures in which Big Love happened to be standing. I can’t work out if he is muscly or fat but he sure is a chunk right now, and it is not attractive on him in the slightest. It has bloated his face right out and in one particular picture where he is sitting down, his gut is hanging right over his jeans. It looks awful. Truly awful. I’m not just saying that as a bitter ex either. It’s a look I really don’t like on him.

The next thing I noticed about the photos were that there was a girl in almost all of them. She had red and blonde hair, massive big baby blue eyes, like me, the same nose ring as me, and the same upper lip piercing as me. She was a bigger girl, like I used to be. She wasn’t unattractive, but there were a couple of photos on there that I probably wouldn’t have appreciated being on the internet. Just saying.

I sent it to Bestie and he immediately said that she was basically a replica of me. Even the Bestie on the other side of the world agreed. I really didn’t like what I saw.

Later on, it struck me. All of his girlfriends since me have been the spitting image of me. We were all different of course, but there were a lot of similarities. He hated the fact that I was a bigger girl back then, and he dug out at me every day because of it. Yet all of the girls he’s dated since have been pretty chunky, let’s be honest about this.

He hated the fact that I had piercings when we first got together, yet all of these girls have piercings. The girl right now basically has the same damn piercings as me!

I found out her name by looking at the tags in the photos, and clicked on her profile. Big mistake. His profile is completely private and I can’t see anything. Remember It’s Over? Well… her profile isn’t. It’s basically completely public. I could see photos of the two of them together. Turns out she’s actually quite pretty. She’s a crazy hair girl like me too. I quite liked some of her styles, even though she does seem a tad trailer-trash. She’s got a sleeve on one arm too. I probably would have quite liked this girl. Lol!

I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have gone looking for it, knowing full well what I was gonna find. I’m such a twat. Honestly. Get a freaking grip on yourself, woman!

Do you wanna know what annoys me the most? The fact that he still gets to me quite as much as he does, and the fact that even his new girlfriends, four or five girlfriends down the line, still come under scrutiny from me. Why am I bothered so much by whatever it is he does? He seems to travel around quite a bit and I’m simply waiting for that Facebook message to pop up – “Hi, how are you? I’m in the Big City. Fancy meeting up?

Yeah… I could totally see that happening. What would I do?

I don’t know why seeing him the way he looks now, or his fat girlfriend bugs me like it does. But it does. It definitely does. Two years and two months later, and I’m still affected by this prick.



9 thoughts on “Why?

  1. Hmm…well, deep down, I’d guess he knows now he had a good mold when he found your type. But, you don’t stop thinking about him…yet you are with someone. That makes me think you are only 75% into your current guy…which maybe isn’t your fault…maybe, something in the relationship doesn’t let it go to 100%. When it does, you rarely look back with much reflection, worry, regret, nostalgia… Anyway, that’s my experience with it all anyway.

  2. Isn’t that how it usually happens…..the guy tears you down, we do the whole “I wasn’t good enough” head game with ourselves, tearing us down even more only to find out months later that the jerk is dating a look a like? I remember dating this one guy and he would look down on me if I gained a few pounds but no sooner did we break up he started to date a very large woman. REALLY? so I starved myself for nothing???

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