When I first started writing this, I didn’t expect it to end up being quite as long as it was so I’m gonna break things down into more manageable chunks for you… Apparently I can waffle on a bit 😉
So, if you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll know I’ve lost quite a lot of weight in a short space of time. Yes, I’ve turned into one of those people, and yes, I do talk about it ALL THE TIME. and guess what? I don’t really care. I’m proud of whatever it is that I did to encourage my body to start shifting those pounds. And I still don’t know what it was I did. But whatever.
A lot of different things kept happening when I lost weight, and they are things that I was completely, one hundred percent, totally un-prepared for! No one told me these things would happen. I feel that I wouldn’t be doing my “sisterly-duties” if I didn’t tell you about them.
If you lose weight, these things will happen to you:
1 – You will be cold. All the time.
Seriously, I’ve never shivered as much as I do right now. I’m cold all the time. I lived on the other side of the world where the winters hit as far south as minus fifty, so why the bloody hell am I suffering with the cold on THIS side of the world, where the most we need to deal with is a measly minus ten! If that!
You’ll need to wrap up warm if you lose weight. You’ll miss that protective layer of blubber when it’s gone, I can tell you that! Buy lots of sweaters, and be prepared for your heating bill to go up. Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.
2 – You’re gonna bruise like a peach.
I was always a bruiser. Seriously, my Hubby picked the wrong girl if he wanted someone to beat. You’ve only gotta look at my white, peachy skin and it looks like I’ve been kicked down the stairs. The thing is, since I got skinnier, I bruise even easier! If Jock gets even the slightest bit hands-on during sex, that’s it; I’m covered in bruises and once again, I look like a domestic survivor victim. You know that skin-grabby thing I told you he did? Well if he does that on my arms, hips, ribs or legs, I’m a pretty shade of purple in minutes.
So yeah, if you’re going to lose weight, be prepared to look like an earthquake survivor.
3 – Guys will wanna talk.
Oh yeah, if you thought you had unwanted attention before, you’ve seen nothing yet. All sorts of blokes came out of the woodwork when I put up my weight loss before and after pictures on Facebook. I kinda guessed it would happen to be fair, but I didn’t expect it to happen in quite the fashion it did. It was mental. Within a couple of days of posting up that pic, I had guys coming at me from all angles… sadly not quite literally in the term it sounds. That mighta been quite fun! 😉
You’ll get attention from guys that you would rather run a million miles from, is the downside of being a skinny-minnie. I love a bit of male attention, don’t get me wrong. But when Malcolm, the shopping-trolley pushing troll from the local supermarket starts hitting on you, you know you’re in trouble.
4 – You know the style you had when you were a bigger girl? It won’t work anymore.
Yup, my whole closet got revamped when I lost weight. Although I’m still curvy, I can’t pull off half the clothes I used to be able to. I’m not sure if it was the cleavage or the tiny waist, but I could pull off all manner of clothes. Now, although I’m still pretty busty and curvy, the same styles in smaller sizes just don’t look the same. I’ve gone from curvaceous and vintage/rockabilly, to leggings and geek-tees, converse trainers and all. I’m almost 28 years old for fucks sake, I shouldn’t still be rocking pink hair and “Marvel” emblazoned tees. Ask anybody; I still pull it off.
If you want to lose weight, you’re going to need to expect a complete closet overhaul. That dress that you always planned to wear when you lost a bit of weight? It won’t look as good as it does in your head. You might as well just get rid of it now.
5 – Your shoes won’t fit.
You know that saying – “I buy shoes because shoes always fit, no matter what size you are”? Well, it’s utter bullshit. I have far too many pairs of beautiful shoes. Seriously. It’s a problem. I’ve admitted to it, I don’t want help for it; I have a serious shoe fetish. All of those beautiful shoes that I managed to squeeze my feet into? Well, they no longer fit. My feet are skinnier and bonier than what they were when I first started wearing these shoes, and they have stretched out to accommodate my previous fat feet. I can’t wear them anymore because I can’t keep them on my feet. Fuck you weight loss. In this respect, you totally and utterly fucking suck.
I’m kidding. Please don’t make me fat again.
So there you have it – the first part. It’s gonna be a long one… I must warn you. But I just thought I would share it. Because I’m pretty sure no one knows about these things and I do like to educate 😉
Keep your eyes peeled for part two!