The Mother-Daughter Disaster Combo

These girls are the girls I used to work for on the other side of the world. They were the dodgiest, shadiest, nastiest bitches I’ve ever had the misfortune of working with but for some reason, I loved them. I seemed to have this weird loyalty when I was working for them – mostly because I didn’t have any other choice.

They owned a real estate business – Grandmother, mother and daughter. The Grandmother was getting on a bit so she she was practically forced out by the other girls. They had made their way through so many assistants, it was beyond a joke. Then they had me. I started as the Saturday girl working in one of their many shops/short-term hare-brained money-making schemes and soon found myself to be their assistant. They didn’t treat me very well. They were just batshit crazy really. I’m not sure why I feel the need to talk about them but they were a big part of my life over there so I feel I should give them a little mention.

I keep trying to think of nicknames for them like I have done with everyone else in this blog. We’ll call the mother “Little Miss Sunshine”. Mostly because she was on so many drugs most of them time, she was permanently happy. It was mental to watch. She used to come in to the office on such a downer and then, usually a couple of hours late, the daughter would come into the office, armed with a handful of pills that she had bought from some redneck down the street, pumped her mother full of them and all was alright with the world again. Until they ran out of course…

I’ve no idea how they have managed to stay in the business that they are in for so long because they are the most disorganised people I’ve ever come across in my life. They were messy, they lost things all the time, they were so wrapped up in their own personal mini-dramas that they didn’t have a clue where they were supposed to be, at what time, or what they were meant to be doing there. It was a joke. It was funny from the outskirts but once you had gotten sucked into their crazy little fantasy land, you struggled to claw your way back out.

I was her best friend, her confidante, her wing woman when she wanted to get laid, her agony aunt when she needed someone to bitch at, and much more besides. That was the case for the pair of them – their relationship was oddly close. As in share-your-sex-toys close, which they both confided in me that they had done on more than one occasion. Pretty sure they even shared men. Perhaps not at the same time but I get that impression.

Beluga WhaleSo we’ll stick with Little Miss Sunshine for the mother. I’m gonna go with Beluga Whale for the daughter. Big Love once joked that she looked like one and now she has had so much Botox in her face that nothing moves, I can definitely see the resemblance. They were both addicted to plastic surgery. Little Miss Sunshine had almost died from having a boob job, liposuction and a tummy tuck (I’m sure) a few years back but still has the regular stuff done – Botox etc. Beluga Whale has recently had a boob job, lost a bunch of weight (probably through drugs; she was always getting me to order some crazy pill that reportedly helped you lose weight), had Botox in her forehead and I’m pretty sure she’s had some sort of fillers in her lips now. She’s so plastic. Everyone I show her picture too usually says “Wow, she’s so plastic” before they say anything else. She is just Miss Plastic Fantasic. Maybe that should be her new name?

Anyway, back to the story in hand. The pair of them were fucking mental. They accused me of stealing from them on a couple of occasions. Of course, I never stole from them in my life. I’m a lot of things but a thief is most definitely not one of them. Beluga Whale asked me if I would have a threesome with her and her boyfriend at one point. She used to fall in love at the drop of a hat; worse then me most definitely, and fall out of love just as quick, moping around for a couple of days and then getting back on the bandwagon, wrapped up in her life of internet dating, leading men on and probably being a shit shag. I heard her having sex once and I won’t lie; it didn’t sound like a lot of fun.

They wouldn’t ever let me have time off. I was in a sticky situation when I was working with them and I won’t go into details but let’s just say that they abused me at every possible opportunity. I worked the most ridiculous hours, had to be on call for any emergencies which usually involved hair, nails, chiropractors, dates with hot men, teeth, Botox, etc. I was their personal assistant more than I Was their work assistant – that’s not really how it should have been.

They caused a lot of the fights between Big Love and I. We were so happy right at the beginning and we both mentioned that we could tell Beluga Whale was instantly jealous. She had known him for years before I met him but had never been interested in him. I met him, changed his closet and his attitude, made him look beautiful and buff and all of a sudden, before I knew it, she was inches away from his face, staring him right in the eyes, winking at him…. right in front of me. That’s how batshit crazy she was – crazy and with absolutely no social skills.

She has no female friends; neither of them have any real friends at all. They don’t trust anyone. They fuck everyone over and they are petrified that the same is going to happen to them.

I know I sound like I’m bashing on these girls and if you ask anyone that knows them; they will say exactly the same as what I’ve said right here. The reason I choose to bring them up now is because I mentioned them in a previous post – Regrets and feel that I should explain my weird hatred towards them. They were the two people that I was the (false) closest to when I was out there. I was either in their company, or at the other end of the phone for them for practically every hour of every day. After I left, I never heard from them again. I get the odd Facebook like from Little Miss Sunshine but the Beluga Whale – she must hate me now. I got skinny and I still kept my curves and my boobs. She was always furiously jealous of my figure because she has a straight up and down figure and always struggles with her weight. Zero boobs either. Well before the boob job, anyway. She was openly jealous about so many things about me – my body shape, my openness about sex and my willingness to try new stuff, my cheerful misdemeanor, my long natural eyelashes, my massive natural boobs, my long blonde hair, my accent…. I could go on. I got the impression she never really liked me but was just so two-faced for long, she completely forgot how to have “normal” friends.

So there you have it – that’s the story of the mental, batshit crazy mother-daughter disaster combo. Just thought I’d share that with you…

One thought on “The Mother-Daughter Disaster Combo

  1. Pingback: And Then He Broke My Heart… | Not So Sex in the City!

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