Well ladies & gentlemen. It has been a lovely couple of days. Yes I did spend the entire two days with him. No there was no surprise.
No there was no L-word.
Now this guy is just pissing me off.
I didn’t want him to say the L-word. I didn’t want to have that conversation. Now I wish he would just get the fuck over it and say it already. He’s playing a game. He inserted the idea into my head. I fell in love with him. I said it already when I was drunk but neither of us are counting that because I was shit-faced. I wasn’t even feeling it then. I don’t know why I said it. Now I fucking feel it and I can’t say it because he needs to say it first. He thinks I should say it first. Now we are at this weird stand-off and to make things even fucking worse; I managed to persuade him that I wasn’t into rushing things and basically told him, without actually telling him, to back the fuck off.
I told Jock about how I think I felt rushed by OB. How things had gotten crazily outta hand really quickly, and I felt like I couldn’t get out of it at the end. What I basically told Jock was that I wasn’t into speeding things up. I wanted him to take his time and be old fashioned about things. This is a great sentiment and, at the time, I really meant it. The only problem with this is that I realized the exact moment that I fell in love with him. Whole-heartedly, jaw-droppingly, heart-stoppingly in love with him.
Have you ever seen the movie “Hotel Transylvania”?
I “zinged” with this guy.
We were in a greasy spoon café the day before. We had ordered our drinks and were drinking our coffees. He had taken me to the seaside. The seaside is my favorite place and I think that’s why he keeps taking me there. I asked him to grab us the papers that were on top of the counter and he did. Sat drinking our coffees, reading our papers, I glanced over at him and I remember thinking about how happy I was. We weren’t talking to each other. We weren’t paying each other any attention. Just drinking coffee, reading the paper. As I returned my glance back to my paper, I caught him glancing over at me out of the corner of my eye. That moment didn’t feel significant, but I keep remembering that particular moment. I started to wonder if that was the exact moment that he had fallen in love with me too. Huh? That’s it – that’s when I realized I loved him. I had a crazy conversation in my own head and it was right there like pink neon lights.
I love Jock.
It’s been 69 days. 9 weeks and 6 days since we met. I love him. I know how he’s done it too. He’s played me at the game I seem to play with all the other guys. He taunted me with it with little snippets here and there – little “surprises” and “confessions” he’s got to tell me. “L YOU” that actually supposedly meant lust instead of love. The way he looks at me. It’s hard to explain – he looks right at me. No, not at me – into me. Right into me. He looks right into my eyes and somehow right into my soul. He makes me nervous. Just one fleeting look from him and my knees buckle. My heart races. He makes me nervous. He drives me crazy. And then he kisses me. He cups my cheek with his face and pulls me towards him and he REALLY kisses me. There are no half measures with him. His kisses give me goose bumps every time. His does this thing that I may have mentioned before but I’m definitely going to mention again. He grabs my skin. He lightly caresses it and as he moves his fingers, he grabs my skin in his hands and he squeezes it. It’s usually on my leg but it can be on my rib cage, my arms, my neck… It hurts but it feels really, really good. It’s that whole pain/pleasure thing. I’ve started to associate it with him and the way he makes me feel in bed which means although it hurts, it turns me on like a mother-fucker at the same time. He has bruised my leg but I know he definitely doesn’t intend to hurt me – I just bruise like a peach. When he does it on my rib cage, it reminds me so much of My Mr. Grey –the way he used to squeeze my ribs and pull me into close to him in the way that he does.
This brings me nicely to my next point. He made a comment today that he thought people may think I was stupid for dating him because he has so many traits from the men in my past. It’s something I briefly comment on in an earlier post . It’s weird – sometimes I think he could be reading my blog. He seems to know exactly which way to play me, and the games I also play myself. He can read me like a book. The Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With said that he thought Jock could be a former follower or reader of my blog that found out who I was and tried to date me. I know this is a pretty far-fetched story, but there are coincidences that are becoming freakily common.
So… I mentioned before that I thought he was all the things I used to love the most about the men in my past rolled up into one neat, tidy little package that has grabbed my heart with both hands and won’t let go. He’s got that accent that has been a common reoccurrence in my past – the accent I didn’t realized I loved but I most definitely know I do now! The way he dresses is similar to both Big Love and the Lapdog. I have him wrapped around my little finger like the Lapdog but he keeps me running back for more and makes me work for it like Jock. Last night, we got into bed and he starts acting all coy, as if he was going to go to sleep straight away. There I was like a horny little she-devil and he’s playing hard to get. I got what I wanted, clearly. I always do. But he made me work for it and that really set things heating up.
Then in the morning he mentioned that he was very similar to the men in my past. His accent, past career, attitude, etc. This is all very true. He is very similar to the men in my past. I actually think he is all the things I used to love about the significant men in my past, all nicely wrapped up in one easy-to-use, easy-to-understand, fun-to-be-around package.
Anyway, back to heating things up. I’m back to having those sex-flashbacks I used to get with My Gr. Grey – I’m doing something completely mundane and all of a sudden – BANG! There’s that flashback of when I was straddling him on the couch and thrusted back against me as we dry-humped. He grabbed my neck and kissed me hard as he did that. He bit my lip a little bit too. It was out of this world amazing.
He made a special request in the bedroom that I ride him reverse cowgirl. I’m assuming I don’t have to explain the position but for those of you that are unsure – the chick is on top but facing the other way.
Today, I made him wait. I also made him wait for a lot longer than he managed with me. And I rode him. I sucked him. I rode him some more and then I sucked him some more. And then, as he whispered in to my ear “I’m close baby”, I got off, made him move to the edge of the bed, positioned myself nicely on his cock, facing away from his face and bounced up and down as merrily as I could. It lasted minutes before he climaxed, and climaxed he sure did! He made noises that I haven’t heard him make before. He grabbed my ass with such a force that I’m sure he has bruised me. It was toe-curling stuff and I felt like a fucking Goddess because of it.
He also requested that I sit on his face but I’ve made him aware that he is going to need to work a lot harder to get that jackpot. He has accepted his challenge like a true gentleman and I’m eager to find out what he comes up with.
So there you have it – I’ve been fucked more times than I can remember in the last two days, and I still don’t have the fucking L-word that I actually now wish he would say to me. Next time I see him, I’m gonna charm the fucking pants off this guy. I’m gonna romance him like he has never been romanced in his life.
I’m gonna get that fucking L-word out of him if it kills me.