Wicked Games.

I think Jock is playing a game with me and I don’t like it much.

He told me the other day that he had something to tell me but he would tell me later. I talk about this in He’s Gonna Say It so I won’t repeat myself again. As of yet that conversation hasn’t come back up again. I’m not bringing it up a second time – I’ve already asked him about it once.

So anyway, the other night he told me that he had a confession for me. He had definitely fallen for me. His exact words:

I can 110% officially say. I have fallen for u.

Okay. I think I’m prepared for this. Christ I’ve been talking about it for long enough. I deflected the topic like a true professional that I have become with a simple yet effective “I’m naked. Wanna see?”

A little bit of naughty chat and a couple of photos later and we said our good night’s:


That’s what he said to me. L You? That’s the L-word right? But he’s not saying it because he doesn’t want the first time we say it to be over Whatsapp. That’s what I thought anyway. What the hell was I meant to respond to that? I went with a simple:

First of all, I think you’ll find the word is rawr. Secondly, I’m not accepting it

(Check out the “Rawr” reference here – How to Make Him Love You in 34 Days)

I just wanna be with youFuck it. Let’s do it. I really like this guy. I don’t know why I’m being all coy and holding back with him, but there’s something about him that I’m definitely not going to get bored of anytime soon. Hopefully. If he has something to say it to me, he’s going to bloody well say it to me. He’s going to say it to me face to face, like a man! I may not be prepared for the impending L-word, but I’m definitely not going to accept a half-hearted attempt at it. I want the full sha-bang. I want champagne and kisses with strawberries. I want rose petals and candles and cliché sexy-time music. I want all that. If this is the guy for me, if he’s really the next chapter in my life, give it all you damn well got! I’m not going into this half-heartedly. In fact I’m thinking about it all way too much. If this is gonna happen, it’s gonna happen right.

Well, his response to that was that the “L YOU” actually meant “Lust you”. Yeah right. Of course it did. Can you sense the sarcastic tone in my voice?

This brings me nicely to my next point.

Tomorrow night (Monday), once I’m home from work, showered, primped and preened, he is going to be pick me up. Something’s happening – it’s a surprise. He hasn’t figured out what or where yet, but it’s going to be a good surprise. I think it’s coming – this has got to be the L-Word now, surely? This is going to be the big sha-bang that I’m desperately hoping he can pull out of his ass. It’s got to be. He’s bigged things up far too much now for them it be a night at his, listening to his room-mates shout at each other. I would just like to point out that these same room-mates were the guys that moaned about our sex life. We aren’t particularly loud – the walls are just paper thin. I’m pretty sure she could have heard us blinking.

Anyway, I digress once again.

I wonder where he’s going to take me tomorrow night. I have Tuesday and Wednesday off work – incidentally the same two days off that he has. He wants me to spend Monday night to Wednesday evening with him but I’m not so sure. We’ve never done a two-night sleepover before. Are we ready for that? Am I ready for that? I can be cute and demure for 24 hours, but any longer than that and there is a good chance that he will start to see the side of me that I always try to keep behind closed doors. He might see my angry morning face which, up until now, he hasn’t had the misfortune of meeting. He might get to see my chronic insomnia which seems to have reared its ugly head over the past few nights. I might fart. I might need to poo. I can’t poo at his house yet. I just can’t do it. It’s too soon. It just feels like too much. I want to take this one slowly. I think I’m maturing. It’s not all that much fun to be honest. I think I preferred it when I was reckless with my heart and I didn’t give a shit. I always seemed to have the best adventures when I followed my heart instead of my head. I haven’t had a good adventure in a while. Maybe Jock is the guy to change all of that.

Of course, we can’t forget about My Mr. Grey who popped back into my life on his birthday to remind me of the amazing things we had done just one year ago. Following on from Today It’s August 9th and we’ve had a few chats that verged on naughty. No, let’s be honest; they were naughty. I realized that I wouldn’t have liked it if Jock had the same conversation with another girl so I just started ignoring My Mr. Grey’s texts. He knows I’m with Jock. He shouldn’t be playing with me like this. He always pops up when I am in a new relationship with someone. He did exactly the same thing with One Ball. He did the same thing with the Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of as well. Oh and he did very bad things to me (and vice versa) when I first started dating the Hubby. There will be no more of the text-sexy-time with My Mr. Grey. Nope. Not even a little bit. Sigh.

For now I had best paint the toes on my other foot, seeing as I only managed to get one of them done earlier on today and had to wear closed-toe shoes because of my weirdness and lack of time. I’m ready for whatever Jock has to throw at me this weekend. But I swear to God, if he doesn’t say the L-word after all this build up, I’m ditching him*

(*Not really. But I will be pissed!)

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