It’s been too long since I last wrote. I apologize for that. I’ve been a busy girl – you know how things are. I’ve been working lots of hours. I’ve also been freelance writing A LOT! I’ve been trying to fit in lots of time with the Bestie, and I’ve seen Jock too.
Yesterday (Monday) he took me out and it was lovely. I didn’t end up seeing him for a sleepover, but it didn’t stop me from abusing him. Twice.
The day was perfect. He picked me up at about lunchtime after he had dropped his (step-)daughter back at her mothers. I’m guessing he never had THAT conversation with her. That’s good. Phew.
Anyway, he picked me up and we went for dinner – Italian. It was lovely. We walked and talked, held hands and generally had a great time. We also went to a mall near to where I live and wandered about there aimlessly for a couple of hours too. Then I mentioned that there was a meteor shower and that caught his attention.
Oh before I continue, I just want to say that we popped back to his for a cheeky quickie that afternoon too. He lives 45 minutes away from where I live. That’s how far he had to drive THREE times to get laid! Wow. I must be really good at this!
We went star-chasing. We drove into the middle of nowhere and stopped on a dead-end road in the middle of a field. There was no traffic. We were the only ones along the road for the entire time we were along it – probably about 3 hours. Maybe even more. I’m not sure. I don’t even look at the time when I am with him. It was cloudy at first but it soon dissipated. We started off just looking at the stars. And then I was leaning back against his car bonnet and he was kissing me. The next thing I knew, we were in the back of his car, furiously tearing each others clothes off. That’s what happens when he is around me. I go from normal-to-fucking-horny in 0.3 seconds, and it is a change I haven’t quite got the hang of yet.
He was on his back and I was straddling him. We’d already been making out for a while and things had gotten pretty heated so the car was really steamy. I pulled his shorts down, and he tore my jeans off. He didn’t even take my pants off. He just pulled my thong to one side, and nudged for me to impale myself on him. I fucking love when they do that – pull my thong to one side. There’s something so sexy about not even being able to wait until you had taken each others clothes off. Fuck the panties. Fuck them. I must have you right now. It’s hot.
I rode him. I REALLY rode him. It was intense crazy. It was dark and the car was steamy. We were in the middle of nowhere. We were stargazing. It was super romantic but the sex sure as hell wasn’t. It was bad-ass fucking. There was no kissing once I had gotten on top. There was no sweet touching or loving kisses – it was plain and simple, I have to climax right now, wham, bam, thank you ma’am sex.
I don’t think that was the kind of sex he had been hoping for right there in the middle of nowhere, under the stars. Earlier on that day he had said to me:
“I’ve got something I need to tell you but I don’t want to tell you now. I’ll tell you later”
Erm. What the fuck? You can’t just say that to me and leave it at that. I tried to get it out of him, of course, but he wasn’t having any of it so I just let it go.
After he had dropped me off, I went to my bed and I remembered that he had said that earlier on in the date. I messaged him to ask him, and he told me that he wanted to say it to my face.
Now I have a dilemma. It could be bad. If it’s bad, I’d rather he told me RIGHT NOW so I have plenty of time to process it and figure out what I need to do about it before his next set of days off when I’m due to see him again.
On the other end of the spectrum, we come to the biggest problem. I think the thing that he is trying to tell me is that he L-words me. Not mini rawr. Not midi rawr. Big rawr. Full rawr.
He’s gonna say it, isn’t he?
That’s why he perked up when I mentioned the idea of star gazing. That would have been the perfect night and the perfect moment and I ruined it with my wild, crazy, hot fucking. He wanted soft kisses and tender touching. Imagine movie-style L-word sex under the stars… That’s what he wanted, wasn’t it? And I went and rode the hell out of him because my hormones took over my heart. Well done hormones. Well played. I got the orgasm but I didn’t get the man. Yet.
The thing is I’m not ready for him to say it to me yet. I didn’t feel like saying it to him at all on this date. The overwhelming urge for me to say it to him are gone for just now. I feel good and comfortable again. If he says it, it’ll shake things up and I’m still a bit wary of that.
I’m not ready to say it back to him yet. Who knows how I’ll feel when he actually says it to me, face to face, but right now, I’m not ready. Whenever he brings up the topic, I change the subject or ignore him for a couple of hours. As much as I think we are definitely heading along the right path, I don’t think I’m ready for him to say it yet. I’m definitely not comfortable saying it back.
I managed to avoid the topic for a week – I won’t be seeing him again until after next weekend, unless he drops by unexpectedly. Maybe I’ll just keep ignoring the subject….