Rawr?

I can’t make my mind up about Jock. Our last date, which I am well overdue in talking about by the way, was perfect. He picked me up and we spent the evening in his room, watching DVD’s, getting naked and having the most amazing sex. It was passionate and slow, biting, scratching, sweaty, heat wave sex. The next day we did the same. DVD’s playing in the background, and aside from when I started doing some writing work and he went out to get me KFC, we basically napped, fucked and kissed away the entire day.

He had cooked me dinner the night before and it was lovely. He is everything I think I need from a guy. He is enough to keep me on my toes, I think, and I also think that a man like that could lead to my perfect relationship. At the same time however, there are a few things that are starting to drive me a little crazy.

The 4am sex. Now normally I would love 4am sex but because he’s a small guy “down there” and he’s not exactly slim; spooning sex doesn’t work. It was frustrating, annoying and it really pissed me off. He had awoken my insomnia and didn’t even get me off. I was one pissed off little cookie when I stormed off downstairs to get a drink and have a cigarette. Oh yes. I’m back to part-time smoking again.

He can’t be serious about anything. Ever. It is driving me insane. We’ll have these super cute yet serious little chats that are almost leading to something cute and meaningful, and he always fucks it up by adding some dumb little joke at the end of it. I can’t work out if he’s trying to play it cool, is deliberately trying to remind me that he doesn’t want anything serious, or is just a 30-something year old man that hasn’t quite grown up yet. It’s the most infuriating thing in the world. I’m having to wait a few moments after his sentences to make sure that he doesn’t say something funny and then me end up saying something that makes me look like a fool.

See, when the annoying little things come along, I think to myself – right, he’s not going to work for you. But then he does something awesome and all of a sudden, all I wanna say is the L-word. I think.

We had some serious passionate, hot, sweaty, heat wave sex. And I mean serious. It was hot. If I was his neighbor, I’d want to watch that shit. It was amazing. It was so … hot. I wanted to shout “Rawr!” the whole way through. I put that down to my hormones and went about my way.

With Jock there is a positive for every negative and it is driving me freakin’ crazy. I can’t work it out. It’s like I can’t get enough of him when we are around each other, and then when we are living our own lives, I’m not bothered in the slightest. I mean, I miss him and all, but it’s not a passionate yearning that I would normally associate with “being in love!”

He turns me on immensely, however. The way he looks at me makes me feel a million dollars and I know it’s not bullshit I see in his eyes – he’s lusting after me. It’s the biggest confidence booster in the world. It’s a look that you can’t describe; you can just experience. I’m riding him in ways I’m pretty sure I’ve never ridden someone before. It’s daytime sex too – not just the lights-off stuff. I feel good about myself. He makes me feel good about myself.

I decided it was time for the pros and cons debate again. We gotta think about things logically, right?

I’ll start with the pros:

  1. He makes me laugh. He is one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met. I can really let go and giggle with him.
  2. He makes me feel a million bucks. We’ve discussed this already.
  3. He’s young at heart.
  4. He’s got that older, graying, totally tattooed hot thing going on about him that I didn’t realize I liked until I started dating him. I think he is hot as hell. I don’t think he realizes this but honestly, right now, he is the hottest man in the world to me.
  5. He’s unpredictable. It’s awesome.
  6. He can cook! He’s a fully qualified chef. I’m gonna get wined & dined for sure!
  7. He has the quirkiest dress sense which makes me bring out my quirky side more and I LOVE it!
  8. He’s generous. He’s always paying for stuff and it’s nice. Very old-fashioned and gentlemanly. I like that he pays for me but at the same time, I like the way that he lets me pay for stuff occasionally too.
  9. He’s lived a thousand lives so he gives my stories a run for his money and we always have something to talk about.
  10. He’s “alternative” – as in, ticking the heavily tattooed or pierced box. I have many facial piercings. Hot facial piercings though; not scary, death-metal ones. Again, this is going to bring out my badass side. I’m already planning my next tattoo because he’s got a new one.
  11. He’s a very friendly person. Just in general – he’s nice to people. I love that about him.
  12. He’s very intelligent. He knows a lot. Again – he’s giving me a run for my money.
  13. He’s got a lovely motorbike. It’s not on the road but I sense it will be soon.
  14. He has a nice car too. Me and that car have chemistry. Oh the memories…. 😉
  15. I love the “alternative” appeal that we would have together as a couple. I love how intimidating we must look when we are together. He looks older than he is and I look younger than I am, especially when I wear the cute outfits and the pigtails. I know that we make an odd-looking couple, yet a good-looking couple at the same time, and that makes me feel good when I am out and about with him. Does this make sense?
  16. He has the cutest belly. It’s soft and I think he wants to be more toned than he is, but honestly, I think it’s heaven. I love touching it, rubbing it, resting my head on it… It’s actually heaven for me.
  17. He’s a real man – he get’s dirty, he smells like a real man, he’s hairy… Grrrr. It really turns me on. Everything about him seems to really turn me on.
  18. He gets me really wet. Enough said.
  19. I love his accent.
  20. He’s quite touchy-feely. I didn’t think I liked that but with him, I seem to be really diggin’ it!

I could probably go on with the pros list for some time…. He seems to have a lot of them. I’m going to move swiftly on to the cons, but to be fair, I think I’ve already pretty much made my point.

The cons:

  1. His penis is smaller than I’m used to. Spooning sex doesn’t work. Certain doggy positions make me “Love Puff” – we will talk about this at a later date. When he’s on top, we have more of a bump & grind than a thrust. It’s little things but important things to me. Hmmm.
  2. He can’t ever be serious – I’ve already covered this.
  3. He’s the same height as me which means that I can’t really wear heels around him. He likes it when a woman is taller than him in heels but I can’t stand it. He has to be my support. When he’s shorter than me, it just doesn’t work.

Well that can’t be it, can it? That’s all I’ve got so far? 3 cons? That’s nothing. There’s gotta be more than this.

There you have it. The pros versus the cons. I guess I’ve pretty much answered my own question. I guess I’ve pretty much just made my own mind up. And man, you should see us. We sure got chemistry. Maybe I just need to be less guarded? Maybe I just need to let him in a little more and stop playing it quite so cool. Although I’ve thought about saying the L-word, I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I think I’m still partly in the lust phase of the relationship and until I’m out of that, I don’t trust my own L-word. I know this for sure – I’m not going to be the one who says it first. I know he did the “Rawr” thing, but I mean the actual words… “I Love You!”

Ride Him like Seabiscuit

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