You know that point I was a tad fearful of – the moment where Jock turned around and said those three little words to me – “I love you”….
Well, he didn’t say them.
Let me go right back to the beginning.
Do you remember the picture that OB sent me right when we first started dating? Let me refresh your memory:
Well, a couple weeks ago, Jock said something along the lines of “you only like me because I’m a dinosaur”. I sent him the above picture as a rebuttal.
A week or so ago, Jock said that he was my “tea-bitch”. Going back to the dinosaur remark and seeing this picture on the internet later on, I then called him my “tea-rex”:
Yesterday, while I was at work, Jock told me that he had something he wanted to show me but he would show me later on. I hate it when people do that to me – you can’t tell me you got something for me and then not show/give it to me immediately. He was at the school, picking up his (step-)daughter so I begrudgingly left them to it and carried on with my day at work.
Last night came and he popped back up after his date with the kid. He sent me a picture. He sent me the following picture:
That’s cool. That’s also my picture with the word “Love” where the word “Like” had been. It was a tattoo. I asked him where he found it. He said it was “on him”.
Ladies and gentleman, he had it made into a tattoo. He’s already fairly heavily tattooed so one more isn’t going to make the world of difference to him but still…. That’s weird, right? The conversation started to get a tad awkward and kinda trailed off….
Later on, he messaged me:
After a bit of deflection and some sleep, morning came and I realized that I should handle this problem like an adult. Last night I avoided the topic completely and steered the conversation away from it. This morning, I was having none of it. I’m in my late-twenties; he’s in his mid-thirties. We are too old to be playing these damn games!
Me: “Did you rawr at me last night?”
Jock: “In what sense?”
Me: “In the rawr sense:
Jock: “I’m confused. Explain?”
Me: “Well last night you sent me the photo of your tattoo saying rawr means… And then you said rawr”
Jock: “Would you be freaked out?”
Well I guess that sorts that out then – he loves me, he’s saying it (in a roundabout sorta way), and he’s got the damn thing tattooed on his stomach. Just in case saying it just wasn’t enough.
Now I’m all muddled up. I had gotten my emotions in check and gotten over the whole reservations thing. I was going with the flow – I decided to wing it and see where it went. This isn’t winging it! This is rushing at warped speed. Without actually saying the words, he has said “I Love You” in 34 days!
I have successfully managed to make a man fall in love with me in 34 days.
What. The. Fuck?
Why does this happen to me? I’m not meaning to blow my own trumpet or anything here but guys fall in love me. That’s what kinda happens, pretty much all the time. Whether I feel the same way towards them or not, something happens to them. They turn into needy, clingy messes of men that I barely recognize. It irritates the absolute shit out of me.
I didn’t have down Jock as a premature L-worder. I thought he was going to make me work a lot harder for it. I haven’t had to work for this at all. Now I have it, I’m not even sure that I want it.
On the other hand, I am seeing this for the huge romantic gesture he clearly thought it was going to be. People keep telling me that we are perfect for each other. My Mama Bear basically said that although I might not have said the L-word, I have done pretty crazy things very fast for the men I love. Maybe these people are right. Maybe I should stop thinking with my head and let my heart make the decisions again. I’m frightened to listen to my heart. I don’t understand why he had to throw such a spanner in the works. I’m not ready for this. I at least thought I had another couple of weeks left. I guess when you know, you know. He clearly knows.
The Bestie thinks it’s hilarious, of course. This shit happens to me all the time but as he says, having a man basically tattoo the fact that he loves me on his stomach in 34 days is definitely a new level of crazy for me. Is it crazy? Is it really too soon? I keep saying that I want the big, passionate, messy love affair that REAL LOVE is meant to be all about – like Big and Carrie in Sex and the City. It doesn’t make sense, it hurts, it’s angry, it’s horny, it’s loving, it’s passionate… That’s what I want. So what’s stopping me from diving in? Jock could totally be my Big. He’s crazy enough to handle me. He’s crazy enough to give it a shot, at least.