This morning I woke up angry. I don’t know why I woke up angry but I did. I didn’t sleep well, I have a rotten cold and I was mad. This didn’t bode well for the rest of the day….
I checked my bank statement – OB still hadn’t put the money across for his iPad. When I first got it for him, he made a jokey agreement with my Mama Bear that, if we ever broke up, he would give it to her. He decided when we broke up that he wouldn’t give it back to her but he would pay for it. Well, we broke up over a month ago and as yet, no payment.
I sent him a message the other day just making him aware that the money had not yet been transferred… You know, just in case there was a problem. He said he’d check it out and get back to me. He never did. So this morning, armed with my angry face and foul temper, I text him.
It got nasty real quick. He told me that instead of chasing him for the iPad payment, my Mama Bear and I should be chasing the Big Love for the money that he owed her from when we were together. Firstly – what the fuck has the money that Big Love owed my Mama Bear got anything to do with OB? Secondly, I want to call him the C-word so bad right now.
I told him that I didn’t understand why he had been slagging me off all over the place. I was honest with him – it wasn’t working, something wasn’t clicking for me, I didn’t want to make time for him…. I broke up with him because it was the right thing to do. I didn’t lie, cheat or steal – what right does he have to slag me off and treat me like that?
The next thing I knew, he was making a flippant comment about how I never made the time for him yet I managed to move on rather quickly and make time for someone new. Again, I have many issues with this. He told me again that he hadn’t read my blog yet he knew about Jock. No one knows about Jock. 5 people know about Jock and one of those is on the other side of the world. The Bestie knows, my work colleague knows, my Mama Bear knows, my Lil Sis knows. He wouldn’t have had any conversations with any of these people, so my blog is the only way he could know about him!!! Of course he’s reading my blog – I don’t even know why I’m entertaining the idea that he hasn’t. The worst of it is – he clearly still is reading my blog!!!!
I don’t care at this point – my blog has nothing to do with him anymore. Why he’d want to read about my shenanigans with Jock is beyond me, but clearly something has put a bee in his bonnet. Again, I want to call him the C-word.
I do feel bad for OB, don’t get me wrong. I know our relationship definitely meant more to him than it did to me, but what was I supposed to do? I realized it wasn’t going anywhere and made him aware of this – there were no lies or pretences. Why on earth is he so mad at me? I know reading about Jock can’t be great for him but seriously; if he didn’t want to read about it, he shouldn’t be looking! I wish I could sit down with him and explain everything but honestly, I don’t think he’d want to hear what I had to say now anyway. I don’t even know what I would say to him. How are you supposed to tell someone that they lost your attention and you didn’t know how to get it back? And the time thing – well that wasn’t bullshit. I didn’t have time. I have made time for Jock but for the most part, it’s been down to just pure and simple good luck that our schedules have worked out quite as they have. Even still, we only see each other once or twice a week. He might come and see me after work, and we’ll have the odd sleepover if we’re both off work. Wasn’t that what OB and I were doing anyway?
I know I broke his heart and I’m not proud of that fact but come on; isn’t it better to hurt his feelings and get it over and done with now than string him along and lead him to believe that everything was okay? And if you believe the “signs” that I spoke about in Happy First Birthday! Do You Believe in Signs?, surely I did the right thing? I don’t know if Jock is right or wrong for me but for right now, I am having a whale of a time with him and I plan on seeing where things go!
So there you have it – another breakup I’m dwelling on… Even when I think I’m doing the right thing, I’m pissing someone off. What’s a girl to do?