Why does this keep happening to me?
I broke up with OB because I didn’t have time for him, right? We already get this. I can’t exactly have a relationship right now. I’m trying to start a business. I have accepted far too much freelance writing work for one person to possibly manage. I’m working more hours at work. I’m struggling to find the time to remember to stick some moustache cream on my upper lip!
Anyway, I went onto the dating site on which I met OB and The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of to remove my profile. I’m not looking anymore. If whatever it is wants to find me, it can. I’m not looking for love.
What happens? Hot guy messages me. We shall call him Tattooed Jock. Jock for short. What did I do? I messaged him back. Well done me. Great move. Pffft.
Turns out he’s not only hot, he has a great sense of humor, we have loads in common and he wants to take me out for dinner next week. What the hell have I done? I still have OB clinging onto my tails like you wouldn’t believe and I’m non-stop messaging some guy that lives about 30-45 minutes away by train. I couldn’t even fit OB into my life and he always came to me!
I stay up until 2am texting this guy. He stays up until 2am texting me back. He works long old hours and has a young step-kid. That’s good – he doesn’t have his own kids so if I change my mind, he could be open. See! See what this guy is doing to me already?!?!
He is covered in tattoos. He’s tall. He’s pretty hench, it would appear. There’s something about him that is very intriguing. He has a motorbike too. He is just ticking all the right damn boxes.
I don’t want this to be happening. I know I can’t fit a relationship in right now. I can’t be doing this. I’m still pining for OB! Perhaps not as much as he is pining for me, but that’s not the point.
As much as I like the feeling Jock is giving me, I’m trying to find ways to stop talking to him simply because it is wrong on so many reasons. I haven’t even been single for what, a week yet? Poor OB is still trying to win me back. There is no way I could ever do this to OB. He deserves more than this. He thinks I’m being a bitch about this whole breakup but I wish I could tell him that I’m saving him from himself. I did the same with the Lapdog and OB isn’t much different. I walk all over him. I jump and he says how high? That’s not the sort of relationship I want. Maybe he is just too nice?
So what am I going to do about Jock? I can’t date him. I don’t even want to date. Is he just a passing phase? A little pick me up? Do I really want to explain the cuts on my legs or my weird quirky little ways because of past men to yet another guy? No, of course I don’t. I don’t know how he will react. I don’t even know if we will get that far – see how my head is running away with me all over again? That’s with this guy is doing to me! I need to STOP.
At the same time I don’t wanna stop playing with my new toy. And let’s face it – that’s all he is, isn’t he? He’s nothing to me. He’s just some guy that’s making me laugh. What’s the problem with that? Plus he’s older – 7 years older than me. That should mean that he has matured. That part of him is very appealing to me. I’ve always had a thing for older guys. I’m not helping myself here, am I?
I’m hoping it’s just a passing phase like Best Friend was. He slipped away just as fast as he jumped into my life and luckily, I seem to be over it now. Thank fuck for that.
He wants to call me tonight. Our first voice conversation. Jock I mean, not Best Friend. He wants to take me for dinner in the early part of next week. What am I doing?
Why do I keep finding myself in these positions? All I was doing was taking myself off of the dating site. How did I manage to meet a man? Worse than that; why the hell did I message him back?
How the hell am I going to explain this to OB?