We broke up, OB and I. It finally happened. And I don’t blog enough these days.
Life has been a blur the past few weeks. I had a birthday just last week, OB came down again, the Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With and I have hung out pretty much every day and I had another pregnancy scare.
I’m stressed I guess. I’ve had so much Freelance writing work that I’ve been avoiding like the plague. It’s been sunny. I didn’t want to waste the sunshine. I got high a lot because I had a week off work. The Bestie and I walked and talked and laughed and marveled. It was a fabulous week. I should have blogged about it.
I haven’t had a period since the last time I wrote about it which was at the end of March/beginning of April. It is now the first week of June…. I did a pregnancy test and yet again, another negative. Just a couple of hours later, I came on my period. Just like always.
I broke up with OB three days ago. He wanted to come down this weekend, he had a massive problem with the Bestie and I couldn’t take it anymore. I have too much going on, too much work, I’m trying to make my little business grow, the person that got sent down, my Mama having her usual mini-dramas…. Things are crazy here for me. I can’t make time for OB. That’s not a good sign.
He’s heartbroken and I’m a bitch. He actually cried. He hung up on me on Skype. I’ve broken his heart. Have I become a woman that is so determined not to let a man walk over her again that she is walking all over her men? I had the same problem with the Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of, didn’t I? He was starting to take up too much of my time. He was getting too close.
I had to face facts. I’m not over Big Love. I’m not ready to date again. I’m definitely not ready to love again. I can’t do it yet. I know OB won’t break my heart but I can’t let him in anyway. I don’t want to. My heart isn’t fixed enough to deal with it being broken again.
I can’t remember whether or not I told you but the Big Love bought a house with his new girlfriend. They’ve been together a year now too so it’s hardly his new girlfriend anymore. He put up photos of the house being painted. He bought her an American Bulldog puppy – the same puppy that I wanted. He even chose one of the names that we had bounced around.
I lost. They won. Game over. He won the breakup war. They’ll get married and have babies at some point soon and it will completely destroy me. I’m prepared for this though; I know it will happen. But I already know the effect it will have on me and I’m not looking forward to it.
The Hubby got back in touch as well. I guess its raining men again. In fact, it definitely is. Perhaps that should be the title of my auto-fucking-biography? He wants the divorce again and he wants me to sort it and pay for it. Of course he does; he thinks I left with his money and wants to make sure that he has well and truly stuck the knife in and twisted it. I’m torn between wanting to get it over and done with, get him out of my life and get my proper name back, or fighting him, demanding he pay for half of it, and proving that I am no longer his pushover.
I know what will happen – I will end up paying for it and sorting it out myself simply because I don’t have anything in me to fight him. Especially not now. I’ve just gone through a breakup and my ex-boyfriend’s life is going spectacularly. I also think the Hubby is going to get engaged again. The on-off relationship that he has with his current girlfriend seems to have been on for a rather long time now.
Why does the karma keep turning around and biting me on the ass? What the hell did I do so wrong in a past life? Why can’t I be happy and find the “Love of my Life?”, get married and then have babies just like normal people? I’m on the downward slope to 30 and I have nothing to show for my years.
Oh things get worse too. The Lapdog got in touch at vodka o’clock on Saturday morning but I ignored it and thankfully, he just went away. The guy at work that I talk about it Dipping Your Pen in the Office Ink? has started to become very flirty with me again, and since learning I’m now single, another guy at work that we shall call Brown Bear has started to show an interest. I guess things aren’t so bad 😉
It’s funny though – all the guys I have going on in my life right now and I can’t remember the last time I had sex. That’s fucking depressing, right?
I guess for now I’m back to being single and hating it, rekindling a mild flirtation with My Mr. Grey because it’s no longer considered cheating (despite him being in a relationship now), and avoiding the many men in my past that can’t fucking stay where they belong.
It’s gonna be an interesting summer….