Right ladies and gentlemen, I have a question for you – licking butt, yes or no? I watched Sex and the City earlier on – the one where Miranda’s current guy, Marathon Man, licks her butthole when they sleep together for the first time. I asked the Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With about his opinion on “rimming”; a term I’ve heard thrown around a few times, and I was quite surprised by what he responded with.
I don’t mind doing it to a guy. (Me, not the Bestie – he’s not gay, although I’ve often had my doubts) I hate it being done to me though. When I get nervous, I fart and when a guy is licking my asshole, I get nervous. Although I’ve never actually farted on a guy’s mouth before, I can see it happening, hence the fact I avoid it like the plague.
I’m not really a fan of a finger in my ass either. I often get the feeling that the guy is poking around for something, and I know what lives in that hole – if he pokes hard enough, there’s a good chance that he is going to find it and as we’ve already found out, I’ve had my fair share of shit-related sex stories. See “Anal Sex – What’s the Deal?” if you don’t believe me.
I don’t mind anal sex, of course. I can’t believe OB and I have managed to go seven months without doing it. We figured we should figure out when our one year anniversary would be and we decided to go from the day that we first slept together. That means that we have been officially together for seven months. 5th October – that’s when we first slept together.
He keeps making mentions to the fact that I still haven’t let him fuck me in the ass, of course. He can just go on mentioning. Between me and you, I am having a few problems with my digestive tract recently and I’m finding it more and more difficult to use the bathroom. I don’t want anyone going up there if I can’t seem to get anything out… you get me?
The Bestie said that he would do it (rimming) on a girl as long as she was shaven and he would probably let a girl do it to him in reciprocation. I hadn’t expected this response from him. It surprised me. He’s been doing that a lot recently.
I remember one guy that I did it to and in fact, I think he may have been the only guy I’ve ever done it to. I don’t ever remember doing it to the Big Love but my finger was up his ass a lot when we were high on blow so I probably did do it but just don’t remember.
I guess while we are here, we should talk about the guy who had my tongue around his butthole. Let me introduce you to Number 27.
Number 27 is the guy that I like to call The Guy with the Big Ears. For now, we shall shorten him to Big Ears.
When I first met Big Ears, he was a tall, weedy guy with a cracking smile and a beautiful sense of humor. He was a twat for sure, but there was something about his class joker ways that was very endearing to me. It wasn’t long before I had a huge, raging crush on him. There was one problem. I was in the other European country and I was married to The Hubby.
Hubby went away. I went out to play. There’s no other way to put it really. Yes I could come out with the usual excuses – I didn’t get any love and attention from the Hubby and I went looking for it elsewhere. Hubby didn’t make me feel good about myself anymore so I went looking elsewhere. I didn’t have a reason to feel love or adoration for the Hubby anymore so I wanted someone else to project my feelings on to. Big Ears was that guy. All those statements were true. Even if they weren’t, I probably would have done it anyway.
As time went on, Big Ears discovered steroids and had them delivered to my married quarters apartment as they weren’t able to get through the tough security restrictions to get through the camp gate. He was friends with Number 26 – The Neighbor’s Husband – that’s how I first met him.
Number 26 had a few parties at his crib and a lot of the time, his wife wasn’t there. Number 27 was however, as was one of my GF’s from around that time. A lot of drinking, a lot of singing on the Playstation game – Singstar, and very soon, Big Ears and I were making out.
It turned into a regular thing for us, especially when Hubby went away for four months, leaving me with no money. Big Ears used to leave camp and head on over to the married quarters to see his friend, Number 26, and later on that evening, once the sun had gone down, he sneaked up the flight of stairs and lightly tapped on my front door. It worked. And it was oh so good. He had his cock pierced and also head a beautiful tattoo that went across his stomach. He started to work out and got beautifully ripped, especially with the steroids. His body was a sheer delight to touch and it even gives me shivers as I write this to you.
The sex we had was out of this world good. It was just sex – hard, passionate, fucking. Messy, sweaty, wet, vigorous, hardcore sex. It was amazing.
After a while, I started to develop genuine feelings for this guy and although I think he had some feelings for me, they weren’t quite as big as mine were for him. He had a car accident one night when he had been out drinking with Number 26. He had told me that he got jealous of something that happened between Number 26 and I, and therefore went off in frustration, driving his car, pissed, into another vehicle containing a family. I don’t remember what it was that happened to make him so jealous, but I don’t think it was as much of a big deal as he made it out to be.
Instead of staying with the car and checking to see if the family was okay, he ran away. He ran away right to my house. Things got a little mental from here. We knew he was going to be in an awful lot of trouble if he got caught, especially as he had run away from the scene of the accident as well. Number 26 and I put together a plan where I would go onto camp and grab his passport from his room, and we would run away together. Let me just set the scene of the situation, ladies and gentlemen, before you judge this ridiculous idea. Firstly, we were not only drunk but Big Ears and I were also high on coke. I was in an abusive relationship with a guy that cheated, beat and lied to me, and everyone knew about it. Thirdly, Big Ears was hot. That’s why it was a good idea. But mostly because of the coke.
Unfortunately, the Army Cops had already got their hands on his passport so he ended up giving himself up, so to speak. I remember being devastated that he was going down but just before he left my place, Number 26 gave us a few moments alone. I fucked him right on the edge of my bed just before he left, despite the fact that he had broken ribs. That was our last fuck. And it was good. Scrap that. It was amazing.
I saw him a few times after that and in fact, we even fucked a few times after that. Normally when Hubby was on the night shift. I did love him a little bit I think. He gave me what the Hubby couldn’t. It would never have worked – he was such a cock in reality. He is now married if Facebook is anything to go by.
He was the guy that I rimmed – I think it was because we weren’t that close and I could pretty much get away with anything I wanted to because of the way our relationship was. We hooked up when one or the other of us was drunk and horny. I don’t think we ever had sex sober. We were always drunk or high, and sometimes a pretty epic combination of the two. I don’t regret a single moment of that passionate affair. Even if I had been happily married, I would still have wanted to have that affair. That’s something every woman should experience at some point in her lifetime – unadulterated lust on such a scale even broken ribs couldn’t stop you.
So there you have it. Something for you to mull over. Back to the moral of the story and I guess I should get back to the question in hand – what’s your view on tonguing someone’s butthole?