He’s down next weekend. His sex life is pretty pants right now. I know this because he told me. I know what this means. He wants a weekend with me. I want a weekend with him too.
I love the way One Ball fucks me. The only problem is I know the way that One Ball fucks me. It’s predictable. I know how he works, what he likes and how to make him cum. Well almost. I need something different. I think that’s why I haven’t blogged, or wanted to be around him so much. It’s predictable and I’m getting bored.
Neither of us has had the money to do a lot recently. I’m always working on the business or writing, or at my actual job, and he has kids. We’ve both been broke. It’s just difficult for us right now. We had spoken about moving in together and at first I had agreed, but after careful deliberation, I realized that this was a bad idea. And I told him so. And anyway, hopefully my Mama’s bf is getting sent down (another story for another day perhaps) and then I get to live in their beautiful big house with the Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With. Yay!!!
My Mr. Grey sent me a message earlier asking how I was and happened to slip into the conversation that he was going to be down at my end of the country next weekend. I know I’m a loving, doting, adoring girlfriend to OB but do I want to be that? No, I want that desperate passion and unbridled lust that I have with My Mr. Grey. I need to be abused. It’s been a long time since I’ve been abused.
OB gives it a shot and he’s pretty good at it but well, we all know that My Mr. Grey is the King of all things Kinky Fuckery. That’s why I love him. That’s why he is my unicorn – the one guy I’ll always want but will be just out of my reach.
I know exactly why he messaged me today and I know exactly why he lightly slipped into conversation that he was going to be down my way. I also know why he casually slipped the fact that his current girlfriend doesn’t abuse him, they rarely have sex, never have kinky fuckery, and he has pretty much stopped jerking off or shoving pinky fingers down his “japs eye” because no one is really “doing it” for him. I know exactly what this means and you know what, it fucking works. I want what he wants.
He wants me to be the one that saves him from his almost-celibacy. He’s pulling on those parts of my personality that make me battle against myself, and normally always win. I always get the guy I want. If I want him, I’m getting him. I want to make My Mr. Grey realize he can lust after a woman again, and that woman should be me. It’s tugging on my inner sex kitten and he knows exactly what he’s doing. Come on girls; we all know this guy. He’s the one that “accidentally” sends you text messages that are of a slightly naughty nature, that were meant for another woman in his phone book. How many of “those” guys have you dated? My Mr. Grey is a closet one of these. These things are cheesy, old time tricks but you know what ladies and gentlemen; they still work.
My first instinct is to fuck him off. He’s playing with me again, just like he did all those other times before. He wants me but can’t commit because he’s always planning some grand romantic gesture that is completely wasted on me and that I almost always miss. The wedding I didn’t show up to being a prime example, of course. Even when he no longer has the option to get me he still tries, but if only he knew the words “I want to take you away from all of this right now. Come with me? Yes or no?” would end all of our game-playing and see us end up together.
My second instinct; the one that won’t fuck off and leave me alone is saying that I NEED a night of lust and unbridled passion. I DESERVE a night of kinky fuckery. I’ll fucking LOVE a night of hardcore screwing that a porn star would blush at. I do deserve it, don’t I?
I’ve been faithful to OB and I’m proud of that. I’ve won him over and I’ve been a good girl; something that’s not easily managed by me and you’ll know this if you’ve been following me for a while. My attention span is too small to be mesmerized by one man for too long. With the exception of My Mr. Grey of course; I always seem to somehow catch up with him and still feel exactly the same as I did way back when. He always has my attention.
I miss the way he used to put his arm around my waist and just squeeze a little too tight on my rib cage. Not enough to be painful but just enough to remind me who wears the pants. The way his hand will rest on the back of my neck, again an almost-overbearing gesture that feels overwhelmingly comfortable to me. The way he licks his lips when he’s hovering over me, ready to thrust deep into me. The way he touches me and pushes my boundaries. God I miss that. Where did that go from my life? OB is really good in bed but for me, he’s not page-turning passion. He’s a bit like 50 Shades of Grey – once you’ve read one sex scene, you’ve read them all, you know?
I really don’t know what to do here. If I did have a weekend with My Mr. Grey, would I feel guilty about it and want to tell OB? Is OB just a gap-filler until I eventually get My Mr. Grey or the next starring male role in my life? He’s a good guy and I love him but surely there needs to be more sizzle than this? Could I really do that to him? I really don’t know if I could.
On the other side of the coin however, I know that it will only be a matter of time before My Mr. Grey eventually does catch up with me. He always manages it, doesn’t he? He popped up with the Big Love and the Hubby. He virtually destroyed me and the Lapdog the first time around and I most definitely used and abused My Mr. Grey when I learned of Number 14 – The Postman’s infidelity. He has this strange habit of being able to tell when I’m at my weakest in a relationship to prey slash make his mood. I don’t know how weak I feel right now in my current relationship but the fact that I’m at the very least thinking about heading off for a naughty night away with a guy that isn’t my boyfriend isn’t a great sign.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I figured I’d just go with it and see what happens. I may even bottle out and tell My Mr. Grey not to come down – that’s happened a few times before. I may just try that route and see what happens. A part of me wants him to be persistent…. Why does this always happen to me?