My Best Friend’s Dog…

My Bestie on the other side of the world had to put her dog down today. The poor thing kept going for her new baby, she had tried to re-home the dog for months, didn’t want to take him to the shelter, and he only had three legs and was struggling to get around on his own. Her and her hubby decided that the best decision for the dog was for him to be put down.

As soon as I saw her status on Facebook, I broke down and cried and I’m still crying now. I loved that dog. I remember when I was taking care of it for her when she went on vacation and it got out and went back to their old house. They had only moved a few weeks, if that, before they went away and the dog wanted to go home, poor guy. I tracked him down, repaired the broken gate in their new house, and all was well with the world.

I don’t know why this news made me cry so badly, but I haven’t cried like that in forever. In fact, I haven’t cried in forever period. I think it was a release. Proper lip-quivering, eye-welling, throat-closing gulps of sadness. I felt for her, I really did. I know exactly how much that dog meant to her, and also how much it would have killed her for her to make the decision to have him put down.

I remember the funny way she used to say his name. It was an unusual name but it worked well for the dog. I really want to put the name here but then I would be scared that someone that knew me would read this and they would instantly know it was me. Paranoid, huh?

I don’t know what’s up with me recently. I’ve been a bit emotional and I think I’m still due on my period. I am getting a bit worried that I was running late as I can never remember when my last period was and I haven’t exactly been spot on with my pill since OB had the snip. I know we needed to wait a few months before he got the all-clear, but it hasn’t been at the top of my priorities. Stupid me. I don’t think I am late though; I have that over-emotional thing I get when everything makes me cry. Especially the revelation about that poor dog.

I’ve slept better since OB left, which is a good thing, but I’m still looking for him in my bed. It’s going to hit me like a ton of bricks one night, and I’m going to be staring at the ceiling at 5 in the morning, lonely with no one to talk to. I miss OB. Just two days ago I couldn’t get rid of him, but now I miss him. I guess we really are in a big time relationship then.

For now I’m going to smoke me a spliff, get into bed and watch some romantic-comedy that will inevitably make me cry for the rest of the evening. I just wish I weren’t watching it alone.

 

Breath a Sigh of Relief…?

I meant to upload this post yesterday but OB ended up coming home and I never quite got around to it. So, I’ll post it now and then add today’s thoughts on. Is that OK with you guys? Well, it’s tough really.

Saturday 16th March:

OB has got to go. Now don’t get me wrong; I don’t want us to break up or anything dramatic like that. I just want him to go home now. Long story short, (although to be fair it never is with me!) our one week off together has been extended to two weeks off together. Out of those two weeks, he spent two days helping his mate, and the night too. I also worked for two of those days. I was meant to have worked a third, but I needed a sick day. I don’t know why; I can’t explain it. I just needed it. And it was one of the days that he spent with his friend.

HE’S ALWAYS AROUND. Oh my god I want to get high, eat more food than a human should ever be seen consume, veg out in my pajamas and watch re-runs of old TV shows, pretending to do writing work. I can’t do that when he’s here. I have tried. He just makes me feel bad even though he’s not doing anything at all apart from play the Xbox or read a book on his new iPad.

He’s the perfect boyfriend and I feel like a fucking bitch. He lets me write when I need to write whether it’s for work, my blog or my business. In fact, he has no problem whatsoever with me being sat in front of my computer for hours while he does his thing. It’s amazing; we click. I just don’t feel comfortable showing him too much of that side yet though. That geeky side where I can sit and get lost staring at a screen as I type down the scattered thoughts that are going through my head. I’ll have my glasses on, a cup of tea in front of me, hair that could do with a wash, some crappy old TV show on in the background. I can sit in the same position for hours getting lost in my words. It’s becoming an addiction. I can’t let him see that side of me.

This second week has been volatile for us. By volatile I mean ridiculously stupid for long term couples that have “REAL” fights, but to me they are big. I’m snappy. I have bad hair days. I have days when I don’t want to leave the house. He’s crap at making proper decisions. He’s not strong enough to stand up to me sometimes. I’m walking all over him. We had one fight and he actually stormed out of my house. It wasn’t even a real fight – we just threw a few words at each when deciding over dinner and the next thing I knew, he had gone! It lasted about 3 minutes!

This morning I was so angry at him, I could have broken up with him there and then. Last night he told me he would take me to work this morning. I was relieved – it’s been cold so I hate public transport and walking with the bitter chill. This morning, I got up, did my thing and got ready for work. He asked me what the weather was like and I replied with “Rainy/windy” He told me that he wasn’t going to get out of bed. Do not fuck with me in the morning you fucking creature; have you got a fucking death wish?

I started stomping and he didn’t get the hint. I went to leave the house and realized it was pissing down with rain, and then had to run back and grab change to get the bus rather than walk. I stomped round to the bus stop, stood in the pissing rain and the bus drove straight past me. Now I hate using this word but at this moment in time, I could say one thing – “Cunt!” I was absolutely livid. I had to wait ten minutes before the next bus getting drenched.

I got to work 6 minutes late so now I’m on a late tracker apparently. I am late an awful lot to be fair. My time keeping is definitely diabolical. I also had make up running all down my face. My jeans were soaked right up to my knee and I was in a foul mood. I ignored the first few messages that OB sent me but as the day went on, I softened. He should have just taken me to work though, especially as he said he would.

I think we have just been around each other too much. We are loving this long distance thing and seem to have it pretty much figured out. Spending two weeks together is just straining something that’s working pretty well. This brings me to my next point…

If we can’t last more than a week together without fighting, what kind of future are we going to have? Surely that means that we have no chance of living together? We’d kill each other. Is this just a “for now” relationship, or have we just bent the rules to make it work how we like it, and we are going to have the bend the rules eventually later on when we do get to the point where we are ready to live together?

One thing is for sure. He had better be going home tomorrow otherwise I’m leaving him.

************

Well that was yesterday and now it’s today. Its 930pm on Sunday night and he left about 5 hours ago. Thank the fucking lord for that. The last couple of hours that he was here were brutal and I literally couldn’t wait for him to leave. Then, when he finally did, I smoked a spliff, sat on the edge of my bed and stared into oblivion for almost half an hour straight. I had my own space back. It was a moment of relief.

I don’t know if we have just had a dodgy week or if I’m not sure about things anymore but I’m starting to question our relationship. Is he enough for me? I thought so at first but now I’m not so sure. I keep seeing this playful side that just reminds me too much of a boy that hasn’t quite grown up, and the sanctimonious way he talks about having kids is starting to, quite frankly, piss me off. He slaps my ass in public too much. He eats too much. He doesn’t know how to make a decision. His bedroom routine is starting to get predictable…. Is this just part and parcel of getting into a relationship; finding out those little quirks that irritate the shit out of you? Or are we in trouble already?

I think I must be due on my period soon. I told OB I was today so that he didn’t make me sleep with him again. That sounds so awful but my libido just sunk right down. I also just wanted to be cuddled all night. I went to bed early and we woke up early which makes a change; I’m usually up all night and I struggle to wake up in the morning.

I messaged My Mr. Grey tonight. I’m not sure why. I was having the awesome post-spliff wank and he popped into my head all of a sudden so when I was finished, I messaged him. I miss him tonight. Or maybe it’s just because I have been left on my own again – I’m going to need to adjust to having my own space back?

Don’t get me wrong, I love OB but things are just a little stale right now. One thing is for sure – we can’t manage two weeks together just yet. This past week has been a nightmare, and although we managed to pull it back together at the end of the week with snuggles and kisses, it still put a dampening on things, I felt.

I’m going to enjoy a nice early night with my bed and a good book on my iPad. I have a new one about serial killers (my favorite genre of book) to read. I need a night of quiet reflection and I’m gonna enjoy the crap outta it!

Here We Go Again: Meet Number 25.

Well, something has happened. Of course something has happened. My life was going fairly swimmingly and I was almost at the stage of being bored. Then *poof* as if by magic, shit goes down. If this was a movie right now, this would be where the “Dum dum duuuuuummmmm” happened.

Number 25 in my list – What’s Your Number? (or The Take Me To The Woods Guy) who I shall now abbreviate as TMTWG (Take Me To Woods Guy)as the above is a ball-ache to keep typing. I feel a copy and paste scenario coming on here! Guess what – another Soldier Boy.

I got a Facebook message whilst OB and I were at my Mama’s house.

“Hello u long time no speak how u been? Xx”

That’s not even a real sentence. Where are the commas and the periods? I saw his name – it’s not his real name. He missed two LL’s out of his surname on his Facebook profile page and I automatically knew the reason why.

Let me take you back to 2008/9. I was with The Hubby in the other European country, and I was sad, alone and miserable. I can’t tell you when it happened first, or what happened the first time we fucked. Or even the last for that matter. There is one time that stands out in my head but I knew there were a few more times to add to this list, despite the fact they never stood out in my mind.

The Hubby had been stabbed in the bar. Accidentally; by a fellow pisshead and a broken glass bottle as they fell to the floor. We were all there – me, him, TMTWG and a bunch of their work friends. Someone took him to the local hospital and TMTWG was ordered to drive me home in The Hubby’s car. I think we had already fucked by this point, or this may have even been our first time. I’m not entirely sure. Anyway, I needed to get changed before I made my way to the hospital. I was wearing a dress so I went home and changed into jeans. TMTWG came into my flat with me. The next minute, all I knew was that we were kissing. I was drunk and he was sober and there was a lot of passionate, urgent kissing. We fucked in that apartment – all over the floor. He told me today in the messages that followed – “fucking right was quality and u fucked the life outta me in ur flat” And another message that stated: “I tell u wat u rode really fuckin good lol” *Notice the diabolical state of these messages. They took me longer to decipher them than it did when we fucked!*

After he had fucked me in my flat, we went to find The Hubby but couldn’t. We ended up in the woods near to my house (hence the name) fucking, half-hanging out of The Hubby’s car. What a fucking slut I was.

That night was pretty good in my eyes – not the best, but most definitely not the worst. There were a few problems, of course; he was engaged to be married with a girl that already had one baby from a previous relationship and had HIS baby on the way, and I was married to The Hubby. We were bad, bad people.

We got caught, of course. We were stupid. His fiancée found our MSN chat messages saying that we should meet up again, on this day, etc. Blah blah blah. Lots of flirting, lots of very clear proof that he had been cheating on her, and she threatened to tell The Hubby if I didn’t leave him alone. I did leave him alone and rumors soon followed that he had been bonking one of the other wives, despite the fact that he was still regularly messaging me.

He and his girlfriend are still together, actually now married, more fool her. They are two adults, two babies and one perfect marriage towards from vomitville. However, I know better. I know better because he is messaging me and our messages are not particularly platonic ones. Well, mine are. His aren’t. I told him about OB very early on in the conversation, and even mentioned the fact that he was next to me in the car. This didn’t stop TMTWG though – he kept on going.

Me: Aren’t you still with your wife?

TMTWG: Yeah but I wouldn’t have minded seein u lol

There were more messages along this line – he has made his view on things very clear. He wants us to meet him and he wants to reenact those nights we had back when I was still with The Hubby. He even went as far as to ask me whether or not I had been faithful to my current guy. The fucking cheek of it!

He kept telling me how hot I was and asked for pictures of me. He had already stalked my Facebook page and the photos that are public on it, and he told me the ones that stood out for him. I should really have stopped the conversation dead in its tracks and told him I wasn’t interested, but for some reason I didn’t. I actually sent him a couple of the pictures from my Facebook that he specifically asked for, and one more recent one with my newest hair color. I’m not sure why I did this, but I’m sure we will come back to this later.

The things he said to me were clear lines that guys are meant to say when they are trying to get a girl into bed. I was always gorgeous, he always wanted me, he still wants me, etc. The worst of it all was that the things he was saying to me actually made me feel good. If he had been chatting me up in a bar, I would most definitely have given him my number. He’s a creep though – an actual creep. He’s a slime ball that cheats on his wife AND his kids, and doesn’t give a shit who finds out about it. It’s disgusting really, the lengths that a man will go to just to cheat on the person they are meant to love the most. She’s not even ugly or fat. She’s beautiful, skinny and fights defiantly for her man. Stupid prick he is. If he loses her, he will lose the best thing that ever happened to him.

He told me that I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone that we were talking, of course. Standard married man chat – I’ve been on the receiving end of enough of them to know what they are really saying. He wants us to dirty talk, send photos, meet up, fuck the night away and never tell anyone. Perhaps repeating the scenario every now and again when he or I get bored/are in roughly the same place/fancy a little something different.

He’s not even that good looking. I mean he’s not ugly or anything, but he’s no Brad Pitt, I can tell you that. He was punching well above his weight with his wife.

The thing is – what is making me think about him now? Why am I still messaging him back? Why haven’t I just told him straight that I’m most definitely not interested? Well, we all know the answer to that – he will stop messaging me if I tell him straight, and I’m actually enjoying the little thrill of something naughty/different/not OB. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Slamming back to reality with brute force, OB is currently sat on my bed, watching True Blood, waiting for me to stop blogging. I had to blog about TMTWG – I had to tell you guys. I had to write it down. OB doesn’t know he has been messaging me today, but he knows something is out of the ordinary. He knows something is on my mind. He is very in tune with my emotions and as much as I love it, I hate that it gives me very little privacy. In fact, not even privacy, just the place to hide things.

I haven’t heard from TMTWG since about 6pm – the time he would have left work and gone home to his wife. I know exactly what’s going on here – he wants something on the side; a little something to keep things spicy. The question is – what am I going to do about it?

 What is this?

 

The Art of Blowjobs: The Bikini Wax That Got Me There!

OB came in my mouth.

We will just take a moment to “Yippee!” with delight and dance around with our happy feet on. Technically it wasn’t just from mouth alone, but we are close enough to call it done so I’m having a celebration anyway.

He was horny. I was horny. He came in and tried to fuck me. I let him put just the tip in, teased the fuck out of him, then made him put his pants back on and chilled out for a bit. Then we decided it was dinner time. I shuffled my ass down the bottom of the bed, slurped his cock in my mouth and did the sucking-of-the-tip thing that he loves so much. I got jaw ache after a while, but I continued to jerk him off with my hands, lapping the tip of his cock with my tongue, and I heard that familiar “I’m gonna cum!” that made my panties soaking wet in a split second.

BlowjobHe came and he came good. His toes curled, his hands rummaged around the bed sheets for something to grasp on to, his back was arched and the most amazing groan of happiness escaped his mouth. He shot his load all over my face. After such a journey to get here, and a shit ton of hard work on my part, I thought I might as well finish it off with a spectacular display. It was a shame he didn’t have his iPad to hand (which I just bought him and we shall talk about another time) as we could have made quite the impressive movie. He came more than I have ever seen him come before in my life and it’s safe to say that we are both very happy bunnies indeed.

I know it wasn’t exactly a blow job. He didn’t jerk off at all this week (or so he says) and I spent a long time last night teasing him. He went down on me to try and persuade me to let him have sex with me, and I still managed to regain my composure and say a resounding “NO!” to the sex. I came on his face of course, it would have been rude not to!

We are trying not to have as much sex this time as we had the last time he was down as we were both very sore after day three, and we struggled to have sex after that point. We have learned our lesson for being crazy, horny sex addicts, and decided to try and keep our hands off each other as much as possible. OR at least try and spread it out over the course of him being here.

Oooooh, something else I have failed to tell you in the past few days too – I have been very busy, you see. I had my first ever bikini wax! It did hurt, especially when she ripped the chocolate scented Lycon hot wax from my pussy lips, but honestly, getting my vag out in front of a complete stranger and letting her have a good poke around down there was easier to get used to than I had first thought. She made me feel very at ease and I wasn’t nervous for long. It wasn’t a bad experience at all really. And it was sooooooooooooo worth it. I got waxed three and a half days ago and I am still baby smooth. BABY SMOOTH! I haven’t been this smooth since before I went through puberty. I can’t stop touching myself and I fear I shall soon get arrested for it. I don’t think OB minds too much about it either 😉

So that’s what’s going on with me right now – I finally made him shoot his load in my mouth and I had my first bikini wax. He is currently laughing his head off at The Big Bang Theory on my TV while playing with his new iPad and I’m sat writing this, waiting for our pizza to arrive. I still love him. He’s still awesome in bed. I’m still happy, if a little bored. Although now proud of myself that I finally made him cum in my mouth.