1 Sleep to Go. Where am I?

OB is going to be here this time tomorrow. Almost exactly actually. And I am nowhere near prepared. I bought some pretty little undies for him this time, but when I got home and tried them on, the bra wasn’t quite big enough to hold my huge bust, the panties were too big so didn’t frame my ass like I wanted them too, and the red-seamed stockings gave me upper-leg-fat and I couldn’t get the back seam to go straight. Why is it that things never look as good on my body as they do in my head? It’s such a pain in the ass. Now I have nothing to wear for him and he’s going to be so disappointed.

My room is a state. I spent the first half of my day sorting out my Mama’s shit as usual and the second half being baked and trying to finish a thousand and one writing projects that I need to send off in order to get paid. I don’t know where I am right now. Yesterday I was all nuts about Big Love again, and today I can’t get my head straight for five minutes to even hang my wet laundry out to dry. Tomorrow I’m going to end up running around like a crazy bitch, trying to get everything nice and clean and tidy for when he gets here, and checking my personal admin is up to scratch. I think I must be OCD about all this. Or is this a regime that all women partake in when their man comes to town?

He’s so excited to see me, but I can’t seem to muster up enough strength to get excited about anything. Today has been a down day for me; a very down day. The only thing I’m looking forward to when he gets here is a good night’s sleep.

Where has my spark gone? Why have I been so down recently? I know the sex with OB is going to be amazing, as always, but still I can’t seem to get excited about it! Where am I? I haven’t even been sexually active by myself recently. I’ve jerked off once in the last three or four days. This is very unlike me.

I’ve changed my hair color again in a bid to liven things up once more. Remember I went from blonde to light brunette to give my poor over-bleached hair a mess? Well now I decided to go rocking orange. Ginger. Bright ginger. I don’t know how I feel about it yet and OB hasn’t seen it. It’s different, that’s for sure. Think Miranda in season one of Sex and the City and you have about the right idea.

I don’t really know what is going on with me right now. I think it’s because of the cold weather and rain, and the busy work schedule I’ve had recently. I think it’s dragged me down. I seem to get heartburn a lot these days, and that’s usually a sign that I’m stressed.

I am looking forward to being in OB’s arms being around me this time tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to feeling his warmth against my back, and his warm breathe lightly on the back of my neck. I’m looking forward to that first moment he thrusts into me, the very first time we have sex. That feeling always gives me goose bumps with him. It’s an awesome feeling. Maybe I should just wear the underwear after all?


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