“I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
They wanna take care of me (Where they at)”
I love this old Destiny’s Child song and its funny (and apt) that I somehow managed to flick on to this song today of all days! Just this morning, One Ball and I had a conversation about him leaving the Military. The redundancies list was out today, and thousands of soldiers were finding out whether or not they were up to take a redundancy package. Yes – the military really is THAT shit! His name was on that list but thankfully, he wanted the redundancy package anyway and was kinda praying on it.
He told me that he was excited to get “baked” with me at the end of the year if his name was on that redundancy list. My “high times” intrigue him I think, and I guess he wants to experience them with me. I told him that I was happy for him that he got what he wanted but sad that he was no longer going to be my soldier boy. He responded with the following line:
“Is me being a solider a big thing for you?”
That question stopped me in my tracks and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about since that moment. What is it about a soldier that really gets me going? Why can I not keep away from them?
In my list of guys that I’ve slept with, (see What’s Your Number?) the following guys were in the military:
- Number 7 – The Hubby
- Number 8 – The Hubby’s best man, AKA Wonder Woman. See the story here – Bad Text Sex, Good Car Sex, The Exclusive Chat…
- Number 10 – Wasn’t in the military but was very close to the lifestyle…. I don’t know if this counts?
- Number 11 – The Fake Italian
- Number 12 – The Asshole
- Number 16 – I was almost a hooker I think?
- Number 20 – RAF guy
- Number 23 – My Mr. Grey. He was in the military, and still kinda is.
- Number 24 – The Older Guy
- Number 25 – The Take Me to the Woods Guy. We need to talk about this.
- Number 26 – The Neighbor’s Husband. We need to talk about this too.
- Number 27 – The Guy with the Big Ears. We definitely need to talk about this.
- Number 28 – The Married Guy
- Number 37 – OB
Holy Fuck. Out of my 39 guys (I need to add 2 more that I remembered on the list) I have slept with 15 guys (again, one of those I remembered was in the Navy) that are in military uniform. Forty percent of the guys I sleep with are in the military. Wow I’m a uniform whore.
What is it about guys in uniform?
I love a guy in the Army uniform. Sorry, let me rephrase that – I FUCKING WORSHIP A GUY IN THE ARMY UNIFORM. I don’t know if it’s the uniform, the smell, the job or the overall look but it drives me fucking crazy. Even the ugliest of men has the potential to look like Jeremy Renner when he is in the military uniform for me. Just take Numbers 16, 10 and 8 – ugliest guys I’ve ever seen, I still fucked ‘em!
I don’t think it’s any one thing that attracts women like me to men like that. I think it’s a whole host of things all packaged nicely in one multi-tone green packaging. Their punctuality, for example; they are always on time. I don’t think a Soldier Boy has ever kept me waiting. They are easy on the eye too – they have the same kind of features such as short hair, strong muscle tone (not all, of course), a specific way of walking, and a smile to die for. God these Soldier Boys can charm. Most of them don’t even know they are doing it. They are cocky and arrogant. Even the uglier, fattest ones have an abundance of wankerish charm – it charms the pants off of most women; even those that are tougher to crack! If a Solider Boy wants you, there is a good chance that he is going to have you. That’s not always a good thing; they have a love for sleeping around and the reputations to match. It’s that whole thing that women do – trying to change a bad man into something good. You can’t change a man, the relationship is never going to get better, and it is going to be a very passionate yet very swift love affair.
Soldier Boys are bad boys. Even the most faithful and well behaved military hubby’s have their own dirty secrets. Take Number 26 – the Neighbor’s Husband. He was a cute boy – not too attractive but had an amazing, infectious personality that would send most women to their knees. He had big blue eyes and white blonde hair, trim and toned, with a beautiful cock. He had tattoos. Some of these were joke tattoos like the robot fucking the ginger fat girl he had tattooed on his ass. Some were more sentimental than that. The combination of the two made him incredibly fucking hot.
He was the joker – he was always there for others and had the amazing potential to make anyone giggle their asses off. He once climbed up two balconies’s to get into my apartment. He used my yoga ball to walk on my ceiling and leave dirty footprints up the wall and across the roof. He was funny. And very, very cute.
The Neighbor’s Husband was someone that I knew I wanted and eventually, I knew I’d get. I have this weird thing of generally always getting what I want; men included. He was definitely on my to-do list, that’s for sure.
The first night, I’m not even sure where his wife or The Hubby was, he was in my place. We had a few bottles of beer, shared a large pizza, and ended up having a water fight. I have no idea how these weird situations always seem to happen to me…? I was bent backwards over the arm of my couch facing him. He was leaning above me with a jug of water in his hand. We were both pretty wet. See where I’m going with this…?
I’m not even sure what happened. We both just stopped and looked at each for a split second, almost as if asking permission. I just remember getting this massive burst of bravery and going in for the kiss. Thankfully he responded positively. I had a mustard colored sweater on that he had commented he liked once before. He ripped it off. Like actually ripped it. Afterwards I was pissed; I quite liked that sweater. I don’t remember fucking him that night, it was almost 4 years ago now. Maybe even more than that. Probably more. I just remember this build up – the split second of my life that felt like eternity. The split second where you are asking another married person if they want to cheat on their partner without actually saying a single word. If you’ve ever been there, you’ll know how that feels.
We hooked up a few times after that. I think we actually only fucked three or four times perhaps. There were a lot of blowjobs and a shit ton of stolen kisses. He knew about my passionate affair with The Guy with Big Ears – Number 27. I’m pretty sure he fucked me in the ass one night over a bowl of Spaghetti-O’s in the living room. I’m almost one hundred percent sure he used my rabbit on me once too. It was just sex. It was pretty good sex too.
The Neighbor’s Husband is the one person that knew the most about me while I lived in the other European country. He knew about everything The Hubby was getting up to as well, which put him at a bit of an advantage. I don’t think he was a bad guy at all. Her certainly didn’t take advantage of me or make me do something I didn’t want to do. I don’t really think he meant to cheat on his wife either. It was just something that happened sometimes when we were drunk. I don’t think it ever happened while we were sober. It never meant anything to either of us and it certainly didn’t make our friendship weird.
It was weird because out of all of them, this guy was the one I felt least bad about. We had the most to lose – he was the only married one out of all of them I cheated on The Hubby with. It never got bad though; we never *almost* got caught, and it was never dangerous. People trusted us together as we were pretty good friends from the start, so it just made our lie all the more simpler to create.
We never really ended because we never really started. It was never a “feeling” thing – it was just something two drunk fuck buddies do when they are drunk and fancy a fuck – is that really such a bad thing?
That’s the big thing about Soldier Boys – they are bad boys. You can argue with me and tell me that there are some nice guys out there, and there probably are, it’s just that I haven’t met them yet. I’ve seen a different perspective than you see – I’ve been inside the “Hive”. The dirty little secrets that go on behind closed doors are ripe in the military world. To be honest, the doors weren’t even that closed to begin with. There were cheats and liars, swingers and cross-dressers, wife beaters and suicidal’s. You name it; every bizarre and out-of-the-norm thing that you can imagine, it goes on behind the closed doors of the military world.
Do I feel bad about cheating on The Hubby with The Neighbor’s Husband? No because I never got caught out. Would I have felt bad if we had have been caught? Yes of course I would, but I wouldn’t have felt bad for me, I would have felt bad for his wife – she was a pain in the ass and vindictive bitch at times, but she didn’t deserve to be cheated on. The Hubby totally deserved to be cheated on. The things he did to me backed me into a corner where I had no one. No one expect for The Neighbor’s Husband. It was my little rebellion while I was with him – it was my escape. Perhaps that’s why it didn’t mean anything – he gave me what I needed from The Hubby but never got?
In conclusion, I still have no clue what it is about Soldier Boys. I don’t know what their appeal was or still is. I don’t know if it’s the way they look or the glorious smells they have, the free and easy sex they offer, or the charm that they don’t know they have for the most part. One thing is for sure – I love me a good army boy, and I am very sad that OB is not going to be a Soldier Boy this time next year. Let’s just hope he keeps some of those Soldier Boy mannerisms to keep my attention span on him…