Farting, Fucking & Frivolity …. Bitches – I’m Back!

Ladies & Gentlemen… I’m Back! (And I Have News!!)

Well after a funny couple of days I’m finally back up and blogging again. I had a minor temper tantrum with WordPress when they suspended this beautiful blog for reasons that are still unknown to me, so I started a new one and uploaded ALLLLLLLL the old blog posts up onto that one. It took bloody forever. Then…. once I had finally finished uploading them all, I got an email from a lovely lady over at WordPress telling me that my old blog had been unsuspended. You gotta be kiddin’ me right?

So I guess I’m back for now… hopefully to stay. After all that huffing and puffing, I was not amused, I can tell you!

Sooooo….. What has been going on with you lovely peeps? Anything exciting and funky fresh?

Do you want to know what has been happening in my life? Well we kinda said the “L” Word. And then we ACTUALLY said the “L” Word. Oh my god, can you believe it? I am in a loving relationship! About fucking time!

Well on Friday 11th of January, we kinda said the “L” Word. Then on Sunday the 13th of January we ACTUALLY said the “L” Word. Ladies and gentleman, I am in LOVE!!!

We had a conversation. My horoscopes said this:

Gemini horoscope

And his horoscopes said this:

Scorpio horoscope

Then we said this:

I heart You

We both agreed that we had something to say and compromised as I didn’t want to say it for the first time via text or phone call. I don’t know if you recall but he was due to go for the snip on the 10th and as a result of this, he got a weeks sick leave from the military which he choose to use by coming down and seeing me, and I took care of him like the doting girlfriend I have recently become.

He came down and we have had an absolutely fucking blissful week. He cuddled me all night long, he took me to work in the morning and made me tea when I got home from work in the evening. He even snuggled me better after I woke from one of my nightmares. We’ll talk about these another day but they have a habit of resurfacing when I least want them to, and with a vengeance. I am one hundred percent, well and truly, completely and utterly head over heels in love. We haven’t done much this week and there was definitely none of the sex happening …. He had a very poorly bollock indeed and Mother Nature decided to pay me a little visit…. Bitch.

I won’t go into a step by step guide of exactly how our week went but let me out it this way – I can’t remember a time where I’ve been this happy or this at ease with a new man in my life. Well to be fair, he’s not exactly new now is he? We’ve been dating for about five months. I even changed my relationship status on Facebook. I hid it from My Mr. Grey at first, along with the album that I created with the cute photos of when we played around with my cameras last time he was down. And then I realised something, if My Mr. Grey had really wanted me; if I had meant that much to him, he would have made his move when I put it right there in front of him on a plate. I even told OB about My Mr. Grey and he understood the need for me to hide my new status from him. After two days I decided that I didn’t want to keep it a secret and I made both the new photo album and my status public. Very, very public.

The Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With is pissed of course. His car has broken and we have both had that flat-broke January thing going on so we’ve not really seen each other since New Year (which I still need to talk about) and he has made his views of my new loved up relationship very, very clear. Of course, I do see where he is coming from but for once it would be nice if he just gave one of my guys a chance. Whatever, we’ll figure it out. We always do.

Anyway, I’m quite happily rolling along with my new business venture starting (I need to talk about this too!) and my new found faith in love, then bad news hit. Of course it did. It couldn’t just be clean sailing could it?

OB is *possibly* going to The Sandpit war zone, otherwise known as Afghan. Sad face. Very fucking sad face. It *might* be happening on the 17th February and we *should* get a definite answer this week. He’s due to leave the military at the end of the year so when his person-in-charge called him up and asked if he would be prepared to go at such short notice he was told that we would need to wait and see if this would effect his redundancy – payout etc. The cutest thing ever was the fact that as soon as he said he would get back to his person-in-charge and hung up the phone, he called me at work to see if I would be OK with it. Firstly, I’ve been a Military WAG before so I know the drill and secondly, he asked my permission!!! Repeat after me – awwwwwwww! I’m more jealous than anything else – I’ve been to the Sandpit once before as a civilian contractor and I would jump at the chance to go back there again!

I guess it didn’t really kick in until today when I went to get into my bed, alone and cold. He’s going to be going away for six months. He’s going to be in the war zone for six months. By the time he gets back, we will have been together for a whole year and out of that year, we would have spent just under two months together in total. As in actually physically together. Our long distance relationship that has consisted mostly of weekends here and then has just got mega fucking serious. Six months apart? Here we been together long enough to survive that? I have a feeling my sex based blog is about to get very fucking serious and more than a little tearful. Hey ho, another man, another adventure.

I am very happy with the way that my life is going right now and I have decided that OB is the best thing since sliced bread. I’ve done my first fart in front of him. It was an accident guys and girls – I definitely didn’t do it on purpose, but it sure as hell was funny! We even had sex on my period! Yeah! Fuck you Mother Nature!

It went a little bit like this – a lot of making out on the last night that he was down here, a very frustrated man because of his poorly testicle, a very horny me because of Mother Nature and his poorly testicle, a trip to the bathroom, a disposed of tampon and a jumping that he sure as hell didn’t expect. We had broached the idea of him putting it in my ass but he’s a big boy down there and that would have taken some patience; something I most definitely didn’t have at the time. I literally got back from the bathroom and jumped his bones, grabbing a towel to put down on the bed as I did so.

Remember how I said it takes him ages to come to climax? We think its because of his one bollock situation and the fact that his foreskin isn’t attached at the top (broken banjo string scenario years ago). Anyway, we were so frustrated from an entire week of heavy petting and serious foreplay that he lasted the grand total of three minutes. I’m not knocking it guys – I fucking loved it! I have been dying for a quickie since we met and it was such a glorious one as well. Angry, hardcore, pounding into me with a fury I’ve never even seen from him before fucking. Fuck yes!!! Finally!!! It was relief for both of us. We had a great week, don’t get me wrong, but the sexual tension was starting to make us more than a little jagged. There was butt nudging going on in bed that neither of us could do anything about, he kept going for my nipples while we slept which, as we all know, makes me incredibly fucking horny and in the end, Mother Nature and a sore bollock aside, we gave into our primal urges and did what we had to do – a good hard fucking.

There are a few things that I need to talk about in another post so I’m hoping you will remind me – firstly, wanking in front of your partner; yes or no? I don’t mean mutual masturbation, I mean him jerking off while I was doing my makeup in the morning, getting ready for work. Remind me – we’ll discuss it.

Secondly – guys I need an opinion. Does it really matter if I’m not as clean shaven at the end of the week as I was at the beginning of the week? Is a bit of stubble really that much of a big deal?

As I said, remind me.

So for now peeps, I’m going to put down my iPad, turn off my lights and attempt to sleep – something I can’t seem to do now OB isn’t in the bed with me. Still, only 12 more days to go and I’m sure lots more will happen between now and then. You know what my life is like!

It’s so good to be back by the way. A new post back on my old blog. Thanks WordPress! I missed you!

Lots of love from a sexually relieved and very loved up,

Not So Sex in the City!

xoxoxo

You can follow me on Facebook!

2 thoughts on “Farting, Fucking & Frivolity …. Bitches – I’m Back!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s