My New Year’s resolutions for December 31st, 2011 were to give up smoking. It was also to avoid falling in love with the following people – drug addicts, compulsive liars, cheaters, wife beaters, emotional fuck ups, attention seekers and general fucktards. The reason I know this is because I posted a Facebook status that said something along the same lines. I also said that I wouldn’t buy so many pairs of shoes.
As I look back and reflect over the last year, I realize how much of a rollercoaster I have been through. I lost what I thought was the love of my life to a drug problem. He may not have died, but we sure did. I moved from one side of the world to the other. I slept with 7 different boys. 4 of those were boys I’d never slept with before. I have been in two “real” relationships and one “sort of” relationship. I have fallen in love (again) once. I think. I have gotten a new job. I have lost 60 pounds in weight. I’ve put a few of those back on again. I’ll start the diet again in the New Year.
I wanted 2012 to be a good year. I thought it was the new start that the Big Love and I so desperately needed. Turns out it wasn’t.
I failed at a lot of things in 2012. I DID give up smoking again like I wanted, but I started up again so I don’t think it really counts. As far as I’m aware, I haven’t fallen in love with a drug addict, cheater, wife beater, emotional fuck up, attention seeker or general fucktard. The compulsive liar bit is debatable. Let’s be honest; One Ball has been a bit of a twat.
I’ve gained a few people in my life – those that I work with and some new friends. I have also lost a few – The Lapdog is a definite loss. My Mr. Grey seems to have disappeared off the scene again. To be fair, I wasn’t exactly as responsive as I probably should have been, especially when One Ball came along. I lost the Big Love of course. I also lost half of the people that I once considered to be friends on the other side of the world. I knew that would happen though – you promise to keep in touch but even with modern technology, you still don’t as much as you should.
According to my Facebook page, I added 75 new friends in 2012. I wonder how many of those people I would actually consider to be friends. Or how many I still am friends with today.
Facebook also reminds me, in my review of 2012 that it offers, that I was far too drunk and went to too many bad clubs when I first came home. I spent some time on the beach during the poorest summer ever. I dyed my hair so many times that I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen out yet. I went to a couple of Anniversary parties, a few birthday parties and more than my fair share of festive drinks. I was in a relationship for a brief spell of time. I also wore some pretty colourful outfits…. Cheers Facebook! What you have basically reminded me is that this year I have mostly been single, drunk and in outfits that I’m sure were a great idea at the time. It makes me feel like I’ve done sweet bugger all with my year.
I wanted to think of 2012 as my new beginning, but in reality all I did was rewind. I have ended up right back where I started 7 years ago, before all of my adventures began. And what a few years it has been. I got married, moved and lived in three different countries, on three different continents. I travelled. I have found love and lost love, separated from the hubby, started 6 new jobs, “lived” in 7 new places, slept with too many people, broke too many hearts and lost too many friends. I’ve made great memories though, and although I’d love to see the back of this crappy fucking year, I can’t snub the fun and laughter I have had along the way. The nights out with the sister who is now legally allowed to drink with me. The movies I went to see high in the cinema with the Bestie I’ve never had a dalliance with. The crazy fuck fest weekend I had with My Mr. Grey. The awesome weekend I spent with One Ball. The bad sex with the drunk guy. The nights I spent partying with the Lapdog, high on MDMA. New memories, new people, new places….
I want to give up smoking. Again.
I want to progress within my job.
I want to see where things go with One Ball and hope not to get a broken heart at the end of it.
I want to find a new little home to call my own rather than living with family.
I want to go to a country that I have never been to before.
I want to go back to the other side of the world to see the people I left behind.
I want to get completely, truly, definitely over the Big Love.
I want to make mistakes and cry some tears, make new happy memories and travel around my home country that I feel has been somewhat overlooked. I want to get drunk, occasionally take some drugs and have some good nights out. I want to get to my goal weight of 145 pounds. When all is said and done, I just want to be happy.
So here is my goodbye to 2012 and my hello to 2013 – BRING IT ON!
Happy New Year guys! Thanks for spending 2012 with me – my tears, my laughter, my sex and my fears. I love you all. And I hope 2013 is your year too xoxoxoxo