So, last night One Ball text me in the end. Funnily enough, it was right after I wrote my blog post. He text me one word:
I replied, he asked how my evening was going, and I asked him if he wanted to go out for something to eat. I guess I should at least give him the chance to explain himself. A long and extensive conversation with the Bestie assured me that kicking him to the kerb was the right thing to do after two massive lies, but there’s still a niggling feeling that I should give him a chance. So, I hope you don’t judge me but I went with that niggling feeling.
I met him, we went for food, and we sat in the park on the swings afterwards until 11pm, chatting, swinging, kissing. As immature as it was, it was good. He explained why he lied – he was scared that I wouldn’t be able to deal with his past, and thought I would run a mile once he explained it all to me. The more we went along, the more he panicked, and the bigger his lie became. I guess it was time for me to put some of my cards on the table. I told him the truth – any relationship I had must be easy. It couldn’t be complicated. I have been through too much pain, and experienced more things than I should have done at my young age, to fuck about with a relationship and a guy that wasn’t worth it. I told him how sad I get when things don’t go right and how my self-harming had been a recurrent problem throughout my life. I was scared too – I thought he would walk away once I had bared my soul, but he didn’t. He took my face in his hands and he kissed me. “That’s your past” he said, “I like you for exactly the person you are right now, troubles and all!”
That one sentence made me melt. He didn’t judge me, he didn’t berate me for hiding anything from him – he understood and he wanted me, warts and all. I have to be sensible about this though, right? I decided to refer back to one of my previous posts (What do I want in a Man?) and try to figure out if he was the kind of guy I wanted. This is what I came up with, call this the pros and con’s list if you will:
He must be able to spell – he can’t. His spelling is atrocious and I struggle to read most of his text messages. Strike one.
I want a man that looks good – he DOES look good! He didn’t appeal to me right at the beginning; see So Today I Met a Boy. However, now when he smiles at me, it makes me giggle like a school girl. The more I see him, the more photos he sends me, the more attractive I find him. We still need to work on his closet, of course, but that will come with time, and he has already told me he will be my personal Ken Doll!
I want a man that is a man – He is exactly this! He is protective like a father figure sometimes, and I know if the zombie apocalypse were to happen, he would definitely be my go-to guy. His manliness reminds me of that in My Mr. Grey sometimes. He wins this point too.
I want a man with a good personality – One Ball has me pissing my pants with laughter some times, and he comes up with the best ideas. Sometimes I even wonder if he can read my mind. Last night, after our food, I wanted to go sit somewhere or go for a drive. It was his idea to go to the park. He mentioned going for the picnic that never happened, but even still that’s one of my favorite things to do, ever! Personality wise, we are very well matched. He even teases me like I’d want him to. Swoon.
I need a man that challenges me – This is something that he most definitely does! He keeps my attention both in and out of the bedroom, and as much as I may bitch about the little things, he definitely gets my pulse racing. He keeps suggesting that I dress up for him. This has been difficult so far, as I still live with family and the situation isn’t exactly ideal, but I want to! He challenges me out of the bedroom as well. Another point won.
He can’t be a lapdog – He’s not. When he has plans, he doesn’t cancel them for me, and I know his kids will always come first, despite the lies. He doesn’t change his entire life to please me, and I adore that the most about him. He makes me work for what I want, both in and out of the bedroom.
He must enjoy sex – Well, I think we have pretty much established that in the bedroom department, we work spectacularly.
He must have a job – Money is tight for him because of the mini soccer team he has going on, but it doesn’t bother us just yet. He buys dinner as much as I buy dinner; he treats me to little gifts… It works!
So I guess the only con I have for this guy is his spelling, and for me to turn down a guy because he can’t be bothered to text properly would be ridiculous.
So what does this mean? Should I give him a chance regardless of the lies he has already told? I guess when you think about it; the lies he told don’t really factor much in my life – they don’t change the times we see each other, or the way we both feel. It doesn’t affect me as I don’t know his kids, or the women he had them with. Should I give him another chance, and by another chance I mean ONE more? I asked him if there were any other bombshells he needed to tell me, and he responded with a resounding no. I think I believe him; does this make me stupid? He has accepted my past and my weird little quirks – should I give him the same chance back?
I guess I have already made up my mind in reality – I already have given him another chance. We are continuing on as usual, and he has gone up to see his kids for the weekend. After the weekend, I am going to see him for a couple of hours and then he’ll be going away to work for two weeks, during which I will have little communication with him. I am going to take this time to think long and hard about where we are going. I really like this guy now, to the point where I can see myself falling for him at some point in the future. If I’m honest, it’s not going to be too far off. I read somewhere that if you are still “crushing” on someone after four months, you are in love. If not, it is over. By the four month mark, however, am I going to be too involved?
For now, we are back on. I am giving him another chance to prove he is not a douschebag. My Bestie is pissed – he thinks I am making a terrible mistake, and that worries me as he has been right about every guy I’ve dated so far. Am I a glutton for bad men, or did he have a genuine reason for telling me the lies he did? Time will tell, I suppose….