He Lied.

One Ball met from me from work. As did the Bestie I’ve never had a dalliance with. We went for coffee, chatted, laughed, joked… It was a pretty awesome evening. It made me very happy to see my Bestie and my new guy getting along so well. Until the Bestie went home, and One Ball gave me a ride back to mine. Then he dropped the newest bombshell in this saga that is our “Relationship”

Let me just fill you in on the background stuff – he already lied to me once. He told me he had three kids, and then he admitted he had five. They were all with the same Mom, they had been together for around 7+ years, and then they broke up. I hate kids, but this was something I was coming to terms with. I asked questions about his kids; I took a real interest in them. The worst thing is it wasn’t forced interest – I actually gave a shit. His kids are a long way off from being in my life, and I have come to terms with the fact that there is an ex-wife in the picture. Then came the next fucking drama.

After the Bestie left, I got in the car and we drove to mine.

“I have a new bombshell to tell you.”

He has no more than the five kids, which is a relief, but they are not with the same Mom. There are two Moms. There is the first girlfriend, who we shall call Ms. A, with whom he had three of his brood. Then there was the second; the one that later became his wife, who we shall call Ms. M. He had two with the latter. The eldest child is 7, the youngest is 3.

All of a sudden, I have two exes to deal with. I am an incredibly jealous and paranoid person; something I have never hidden from him. Can I deal with two exes being in the picture? Ms. A is now married and had another child, which means that his brood has now technically extended to 6 kids!!! I cannot keep up. It’s official – there are now too many kids and too many women.

I have so many problems with this right now. Firstly, how can a man lie about his own fucking kids? Surely these should be what he is proudest of most in the world? How could he 1) lie about two of them, and 2) lie about the women he had them with?

If he wants to date a woman, surely he needs to date someone that will take his kids on board, not leave him because of them? If any relationship is going to work, the kids have to be in the equation at some point, especially if he is thinking long term. I could deal with him lying about the three kid/five kid thing – that almost made sense to me; I understood why he did that. However, if he was brave enough to tell me the real amount of kids he had, surely it would have made more sense to tell me the truth about the Mothers’ of his kids as well?! Am I really that much of a monster that he couldn’t have just told me the truth? I took the three kids on board, then the five kids; surely it would have told him that the two Moms would have been taken on board too! It just feels like every conversation we ever had has needed to be repeated twice, and now it needs to be re-done a third time to get all the information right that he already lied about.

I have so many questions in my head right now – it’s a blur of puzzles that I can’t set down straight. There are a lot of kids and not many years – was there an overlap? How is his relationship with the two Moms’? Can I deal with this new snippet of information? If he can lie about the kids, and then the women, what else can he lie about? Am I unapproachable? Have I put myself on THAT much of a pedestal that he can’t be honest with me about the biggest things in his life? Can we get over this? Can I get over this?

Now I don’t know what to do?! I like him a lot; more so recently than at the beginning. I was starting to feel a real connection with him, and the thought of a relationship with him actually pleased me. I was starting to have real feelings for this guy, and now I don’t know how I feel. Can I forgive him for his two massive lies? Is this a bad sign for things to come? I’m lost right now. I start to get close to a guy and then this shit comes out AGAIN? What else is there to come? I knew there was a gut feeling I had, and now I know I’m right!

The thing that makes it worse is that the last time we slept together, it was very different. It wasn’t hardcore fucking with pulling hair and scratching nails; it was something else. It was slow, and sensual and passionate. It had feeling – it meant something! He held my hands above my head, and kissed my neck as he fucked me. He played with my clitoris for ages, teasing me and caressing me. It was amazing. It was, dare I say it, love making? Well, almost anyway.

Now I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing. He told me he would understand it if I got out of the car and never spoke to him again. So…. I got out of the car. And we haven’t spoken since. That was two hours ago, and he hasn’t text me. Nor have I text him. I told myself if he text me, I would go talk to him. I would let him explain himself. I would listen and seriously think about what we were doing. He hasn’t text me and this makes me really sad. I really thought he would. Maybe he’s just giving me space? Maybe it’s time I just gave up on him.

It can never just be simple, can it?

 

 

8 thoughts on “He Lied.

  1. Here is where you are my friend! If you allow him to just speak and you don’t judge you don’t have a thought and you truly listen to allow him to say everything that is in him, something deeper will emerge this is how connection is birthed. We get so caught up in the moment that the moment that needs to happen to create a deeper connection between you. You can’t judge someone you wish to be with, If someone has not told you everything it is because they can’t hear everything inside themselves. If this is something you allow, do so and do so with care. It doesn’t mean you are making a decision to be with them it means you are giving them space to allow another to see them in what they have inside of them. Sometimes it takes great patience to allow this to happen as emotions start to speak inside the other and then perceptions become created and then something is lost in the connection that is never cemented. If he was a best friend, how would you allow the best friend to know you are going to listen to them, listen without judgement listen without giving advice, just listen… Is that what you want? Is that what you need? Is that what you want him to do for you? Everyone always has something going on in them. Why not ask yourself inside what you want from this? If it is the truth then allow the truth to come to you, I truly believe there is more to this person than his past! As there is in you. None of those things define you now! Allow you to see this in yourself for him to see it to! Not sure if that helps but I wanted to ask the direct question. Is the energy he is feeling around you that open caring energy to be able to say anything or is it a judging energy that is keeping him slowly seeping information out till it makes you run away in the end.. He could be feeling that from you and not even know it himself. If he can’t accept the things about himself how can he expect you to?

  2. I just hate lies … had a 9 month relationship with someone who lied so much over everything big and small … it really isnt a good a start! If he has lied about these two things arent you dubious about the rest ot the story? hugs x

  3. Very much so! I like him a lot, and he doesn’t strike me as an asshole. I do get why he lied, well part of me does anyway. I just wish I wasn’t in two minds. Part of me wants to give him a chance and see where it goes, and the other part of me is reminding me of all the things that happened with men before him – all the lies, the hurt, the pain, the, deceit… I can’t tar them all with the same brush though, can I? Humph.

  4. Ah those wonderful skeletons that fall out of our closets. Look at it this way, yes the lies were unessesary and I’m not saying he was right to tell them however, would you have shown as much interest in him had he been up front? Maybe but, he’s not proud of those skeletons and he’s likely lost more than one potential lover because of them. Now, should you forgive him, the real test would be seeing how many ex’s are hostile and/or interferre with your relationship.

      • Take it slow, that’s all I have to offer. You never know what other issues may be lurking but those certainly are big ones. I had (had) my own issues that I was never fully open about with others. Although I never lied about it, my silence regarding said issues was just as bad as a lie. Get him to open up, tell him you want all of it now, not later. Also realize that just because he lied about the kids, etc. that doesn’t make him a chronic liar; that makes him ashamed of his past.

      • That’s true. He has promised no more bombshells now, which I’m willing to believe. I wouldn’t have minded if he had “omitted” certain bits of information, but they were blatant lies to questions I asked which is what I had a problem with. I’m hoping its now all out in the open. We are definitely taking it slow – 6 weeks in, we’ve only slept together a handful of times, no sleepovers, no meeting family, etc. we’re only just introducing each other to friends. We’ll see how it goes.

        Thanks for your comments xoxo

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