Wednesday’s film – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.
I don’t normally follow through with much in life. I have the attention span of a goldfish. However, my two week breakup course is still in full force. Every night for two weeks, I am going to watch another movie that you’re meant to watch after a breakup. Given its a few months late, but hey, later is better than never and all that bullshit. I’m going to cry all the tears I never cried. I’m going to do it all, and then hopefully, he’ll be out of my system. It’s probably not going to work, but who really needs an excuse to watch tear-jerker movies and eat lots of chocolate ice cream whilst crying in bed? Not me 🙂
The film is a thought provoking one. Jim Carey and Kate Winslet play two very different characters from what we are used to seeing them play. It’s a good film though.
The jist of the film, for those that haven’t seen it, is whether or not you would choose to erase all memories of an ex, if you had the option.
“Would you erase me?”
This had me thinking. Would I? Could I? If I were to forget about exes, huge chunks of my life would disappear. I would never have travelled so far and wide if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have been through any of the shitty experiences; I would never have become the person I am today.
I wouldn’t know how it feels to be cheated on. This means that I would love more freely and I wouldn’t be as cautious as I am today when it comes to giving my heart away. I wouldn’t instantly become curious when I get one of those “gut feelings” that, up to now, have always been right. I wouldn’t question the guy when they were working late. I certainly wouldn’t drive myself mad with all the things that COULD be happening while they are not by my side. Saying that, I wouldn’t even have a “gut feeling”, would I?
I wouldn’t have been beaten by my husband. Or that guy at school. Or the guy that punched me right outside my house. Or the “incident” with The Big Love. I wouldn’t flinch whenever a guy raised his voice, or made a sudden movement. I wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats.
I wouldn’t have that scar just above my lip. Or the scar on my back from when I was thrown into the a door handle. Or the scars on my feet from where I was dragged around a parking lot. Or the scar on my hand from where I was stabbed with a screw driver. Or the scars on my legs that I did to myself. I definitely wish I could erase those parts of my life. However, if I hadn’t been through those things before, or at least remembered them, I would probably forgive again. And it’s true what they say – a leopard cannot change his spots. It WILL happen again. They probably weren’t sorry.
I wouldn’t have felt the happiness that I felt when I was with those guys. Being curled up on the couch beneath a blanket watching The Big Love play video games. Eating a midnight picnic with Number 4, (the guy that punched me in the face outside my apartment) to celebrate our one year anniversary. Or the amazing sex that we had. The comfortable feeling I had with the husband when we were actually doing alright for a few weeks. If I couldn’t remember all of that, I wouldn’t know how GOOD love could feel. It’s hard to remember the good as well as the bad, but the good makes it all worthwhile, right?
I wouldn’t have travelled at all if it hadn’t have been for those guys. I wouldn’t have made it to the other side of the world. I wouldn’t have moved to the other country in Europe, and in turn, I wouldn’t have seen all the other countries that I did. I wouldn’t have gone to the war zone. All of these things happened because of those guys, and in turn, I wouldn’t have met those amazing friends and enemies, or experienced all those things I did. And those things I wouldn’t change for the world. Those memories, the good and the bad, were the best memories of my life.
I wouldn’t have felt the pain of a miscarriage. Nor would I have felt the joy of marriage. There wouldn’t have been family feuds, or get-togethers. Would I really want to erase all of that stuff? As much as I’m in a slump right now, unable to get The Big Love out of my head, wallowing in self pity eight and a half months too late, would I really be prepared to lose all of those memories?
No, I wouldn’t. I love those memories, and the entire process of falling in love, falling out of love, and everything in between. I have felt love, and I have lost it, and that’s more than a lot of people can say.
Could you really hate your time with someone so much that you would be willing to completely erase all memory from them out of your mind? As much as those people hurt you, or weren’t what you wanted them to be, didn’t they help to mould you into the person that you have become today? I know that I would be a very different person if it weren’t for those guys, and possibly one that I wouldn’t have liked much. I know when not to forgive, when enough is really enough, the power of drugs over a person and the way they are, and much more…. I like to think I’m smarter now. Bitter, hurting, yet smarter.
So in conclusion, no I wouldn’t want to erase them. Would you?