Biting Me in the Ass!

Today the men in my life came back to bite me in the ass. Me and the Guy I couldn’t get rid of have finally come to another abrupt end. The compulsive liar tendencies, and asshole exterior was too much for me to bear. We decided that it was time for us to stop talking. It was the only way to really put a stop to things.

Well, guess what ladies and gentlemen. He text me today. Of course he did. We all knew that was coming. Do you want to know what he text me? Let me share the secret:

“Hey babe, I just wanted you to know that I got laid last night, and it was so very vanilla. She had nothing on you!”

What. The. Fuck. Exclamation point. Question mark.

First of all, who the fuck actually says that to someone? Why would any man in his right mind send that to his ex-girlfriend, with whom he is trying to get back with? Great, now I now you’re dicking around, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot barge pole. Secondly, did he seriously think that it would make me angry? Perhaps jealous? Angry is probably the right word. Who does he think he is? Who says that?!?! I would hate to be that poor girl right now. Unless she has, like me, realised that he couldn’t kiss to save his life. And although he has a giant penis, aside from pounding someone really hard, he wouldn’t have a clue what to do with it. If she hasn’t noticed all of that, she is probably really into this guy who has the giant cock, the warm smile, and some serious charm moves when he can be bothered.

She probably really likes this guy, and he is talking like that to an ex-girlfriend. That is the most childish thing I have ever heard, as well as the meanest! Poor girl. I just hope she never finds that out!

He is very clearly using this girl, not only to get one up on me, (who had sex with someone else first?) but to try and make me jealous enough to go back to him. He underestimates me, clearly. Why would any girl want a girl that would act like that to a fellow girl? Surely the sister-hood instinct would kick in, and any chick would steer well clear? What if they did the same to you?

Of course, the obvious hit me as well – I am either very good in bed, or he has had a series of very bad shags. This made my ego straighten up and stand tall, that’s for sure. This was only for a minute though, of course, and then my sister-hood instinct kicked in, and I realise this guy was an actual douschebag.

He text me later on this evening apologising. I told him earlier that we weren’t meant to be talking, and he was trashy with what he said. Trashy was the nice easy of putting it; what I actually mean was fucking scummy trash bag. That was a little harsh though, so I kept it to myself. I unfriended him on Facebook. Then he’ll realise I’m pissed.

That’s not all that happened. Oh no. The other thing that happened started last night too. The Lapdogs girlfriend added me as a friend on Facebook. Again:

What. The. Fuck. Exclamation point. Question mark.

Why is she adding me on Facebook? What does she want? What could we possibly have to talk about? Are they breaking up? What has he said about me? What does she think about me? See, the questions have started. Fuck you bitch!

It got worse people. Much worse. The Lapdog then CALLED me at 4am this morning.

What. The. Fuck. Exclamation point. Question mark.

He didn’t call just one of my phones. He text both phones. I have two phones, by the way. I ignored both calls, of course. It was four in the fucking morning. I had work at ten. I fell asleep at two. Thanks to this asshole, I got about three or four hours sleep. After he called me, he then clearly heard my answer machine message, and text me –

“Hi, you’ve reached Notsosexinthecity (Clearly my name, but this is anonymous!) She might grow up and talk to you when she is done with all of her fucking crap, but probably not!”

Ugh. I thought I was done with that guy. Apparently not. Just like bloody always. Thankfully I haven’t heard from him all day, but I’m waiting for another call or text. The guy is a fruit loop, mental in the face, completely cuckoo.

It has got me to thinking about what’s going on in his relationship for him and her to be calling, texting, and randomly adding people on Facebook. I just hope she doesn’t ditch him, because then he sure won’t leave me alone!

One thought on “Biting Me in the Ass!

  1. Pingback: So Today, I Met a Boy…. | Not So Sex in the City!

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