So Ladies & Gentlemen, you would have been very proud of me.
- Firstly – I am in a (kind of) relationship
- Secondly – I told My Mr. Grey how I felt about him
- Thirdly – He said he felt the same!!!!!
Let me just take another moment, (there have been many) to jump up and down on the spot, screaming to myself like some un-educated, over-excited school girl.
Moment, taken. Much appreciated.
So, it went a little something like this:
Me: “I miss you more this time. Does that make sense?”
My Mr. Grey: “I feel the same, proper lost without you XXX”
Then I sent him an email. It started as a text, but then I realized it was too long to send in this manner. It was after a phone call to my Mama, where she told me that she always thought me and My Mr. Grey would get together at some point, and we had grown up now so why not now? I emailed him and basically said that I wanted more out of the relationship between us and I was hoping he felt the same.
It was a long day – I sent the email in the morning and then he didn’t text me or email me back until about 11pm that night. It was the longest day EVER. I reported back to my Mama with hourly updates that he STILL hadn’t gotten back to me, and then at 11pm that night, he sent this:
“Hey gorgeous! I’m smiling, and you know what? I’ll tell you why, you! I just got your email and I feel the same! I’m just sitting eating beans on toast with grilled cheese on top. Oh and thinking of you!”
OH MY GOD! OH MY FUCKING GOD! He feels the same. HE FEELS THE SAME!!! I told him I had been nervous waiting for him to respond, he told me that I didn’t need to worry because I am amazing. He needs someone in his life, and I’m the one! He’s crazy about me, he respects my wisdom and he knows I would look after him.
So, I got what I wanted. BUT what does this mean? Are we together? I think we are together, but does he? 11pm that night, when he messaged me, I was at the house of Number 34 – the one I couldn’t get rid of. That night, once My Mr. Grey had sent me that message saying he felt the same, I couldn’t even begin to think about sleeping with Number 34, even though technically, he was my booty call for the night. I made up a headache, told him I was tired, and basically begged him for snuggles the entire night, even though all I wanted was for him to basically leave his own house as I couldn’t stand to be anywhere near him.
That’s the thing – Now I consider myself to be in a relationship, I wouldn’t cheat. Especially not on My Mr. Grey. The thing is I don’t know if he thinks we are exclusively each other’s. I don’t know if he thinks we are in a relationship. We are texting each other more, and there are a lot of sweet nothing’s going on in there, but what do they really mean?
It would seem that my MASSIVE STATEMENT of LOVE; the big statement that was meant to simplify things, namingly my feelings, had actually gone and fucked it all up. Now, not only did I have to bite the bullet and bravely tell him how I was feeling about him, despite my reservations and nerves, but now I have to bite that godamn bullet again and ask the next huge bloody important question – What’s the deal here? What are we doing?
He lives at the top of the country; I love right down at the bottom. I have asked him what airport/train station that I would need to get to, and he told me. So surely that shows him that I’m serious and in a relationship. Or do I need to spell it right out for him? This has just made things all the more complicated for me, and now I’m wishing I had never said anything to him at all. Crap and buggery!
At the end of the day, even if I have got it all wrong, and we are not in the right position that I thought we were, I will have given My Mr. Grey everything; my all. I guess it’s the same with every relationship, regardless of how long you have known and been sleeping with the other person – there are things you cannot say, things you cannot ask, and confusions just with any other first date/first relationship chat scenario. I just hope I’m not barking up the wrong tree and we are doing the “Us” thing that I have always dreamed of. After all, if it worked for Mr. Grey and Anastasia….. 😉