So, I have decided that it is time for current man and I to part ways. It’s a shame but he really isn’t what I am looking for and I realised this mid f*** last night. As predicted, he wanted to put it in my ass. As predicted, I said no. He went down on me for ages and I just couldn’t find my big ‘o’. I couldn’t even find the strength to fake it.
He tried too hard, that’s his problem. And afterwards, when we were laying there eating our strawberry cornettos, he asked me if I loved him. The ‘L’ word has come up a couple of times now; once when he said it on the phone to me, although he pretended that this was an accident, and the second time he text the words ‘I bloody love you!’ Last night when he asked me those words I had been avoiding for so long, it made me realise that he is most definitely more into me than I am into him. It’s not fair to lead him on like this. I’m totally still pining for my ex and not looking for a serious relationship. He’s looking, I think, for his next great love.
It’s a really tough situation for me because the guy is a giggle, and bad foreplay aside, the sex was turning into something pretty epic. My problem is – I don’t think I’m willing to fake love just so I don’t have to fake an orgasm. Maybe I should? Maybe this would be easier?
I have a feeling he will cry when I finally find the words to tell him I don’t want to see him anymore. I hate boys that cry; it makes me feel bad and I always change my mind. I just don’t see us going anyway, and I certainly don’t see it turning into love. Short term pain means long term gain, right? Eventually he’ll find what he is looking for, and I can continue to have mind blowing sex without the ‘L’ word word attached. After all, I’m single for the first time in around 7 years, or I will be when I tell him, and maybe it is time for me to sow my wild oats too?