I have been dating my guy for around three months now. We’ve been official for a month. By official, I mean on our Facebook relationship statuses, which everyone knows means it’s getting serious!
Anyway, I digress. I’m a very sexual person. You’ll recognise this over the course of this blog, which I’m writing not only for your entertainment, but also because I need to talk to someone about my bizarre and frankly disappointing sexual experiences! I like sex. I like great sex, obviously! I like sex that isn’t ‘vanilla‘ – I’m a huge fan of biting, scratching, hard, soft, playful, teasing… Think of the recently popular ‘Fifty shades of Grey‘ book and you have about the right idea.
So, the guy I’m with now is good in bed. It’s everything else I’m suffering with.
I’ll start with his kisses. I have actually turned down GREAT sex with this guy just because the kisses are so bad! He just opens and closes his mouth like a fish. There’s no tongue, no movement, no excitement. Just fish mouth. And trust me, fish mouth is not attractive. How can you expect me to get excited about sex with this guys when his kisses arouse about as much lust as a tin of tuna?
Moving further south and we come to my breasts. Someone seriously needs to tell this guy that ‘wax on, wax off‘ is not a real sexual manoeuvre, and should not be performed by any male. Not even Brad Pitt could get away with this style of foreplay! I don’t really understand what he thinks is so sexy about the move. It certainly does very little for me. Despite my efforts to show him what I like, as well as direct his hands, he does the same thing over and over again. I’ve given up trying to educate him.
Moving further down, we come to quite literally the flicking of the bean. Who actually flicks the bean? More to the point, why has no girl ever told him that you don’t ACTUALLY flick the bean! Seriously, I love a bit of pain just like the next person but this flicking motion, (I appreciate I have said flicking more in one sentence than anyone else ever) is actually torture. Please stop doing it. That’s all I can think when he’s doing it. Please stop doing it.
Now for the sex. Oh the sex is good! Scrap that. The sex is GREAT! He goes hard, he goes deep, and he goes fast. Just how I like it. The sex is perfect. I love the sex! I simply cannot get my head around how one person can be so great in the sack, so to speak, but so useless in the build up. Useless is probably too harsh a word, but if the shoe fits….
In conclusion, I guess what I’m trying to say is how much should one person have to compromise in order to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life? Does great sex mean bad foreplay, and worse than this, bad kissing?
When does the art of compromising become just bad sex? And shouldn’t men learn how to do the whole thing rather than just a component of it? On top of this, why aren’t more girls standing up and saying something? There can’t be a woman out there that has kissed this guy and thought “Wow, this guy kisses like a real pro!“… Can there?
So guys, do us all a favor and learn how to do it all! I know we ladies are difficult to please, but a good kiss wins over great sex every time!